Saturday, December 06, 2008
Here I am at the end of my Theology class and in Hospital due to being poison in my apartment. So I spend a bit of time in hospital with blood testes and urine samples being done on me as I re-build my weight. Idiots thought they could do me in again, not with such high standards of Quebec Hospitals backing me, that is for sure!! It has been a while since I made a posting due to being in hospital but they grantee that they will take the very best of of me in lue of circumstance! Sure I am working on my final exam with my Priest in my Jesuit teachings at Concordia University here in Montreal, but I know I am not liked for my devotion to God, the mob has no prayers!!!! They even come after me in Hospital and my property has been destroyed because of it!. It is just a small blog posting to say that I am alright and my Priest and his assistant watch over me very carefully, along with the Hospital and our National Police Force, the one and only RCMP!. We are a proud Country that wants to see me further my education and skills as a person with schizophrenia. The budget that has been laid out to see me succeed is unreal! I owe our Troops at the front a word or two but I am still handling the fort at home for your wife and kids!!! Shit fucken happens while you men and women of honour handle the Taliban poppy fields abroad, your Doctor Goober Mickeal is here at home taking care of business where the Prime Minister can not, something about a change in Government other Parties teaming up against the Consevatives and Harper. Prime Minister Harper did make a stupid comment wishing my balls were done in some time back, while giving away a hockey puck with our National Emplem on it, to someone that was entering the Hockey Hall of Fame. (Update Jan 25 2009, Conservatives want to say I hallucinated this comment, I am talking to my Lawyer tonight, like they just said on the radio, everyones knows he did say it, what I hallucinate the radio at the at the Conservative Party's whim as well!!!) Hang tight you men and women of uniform, I now got this brown mould to handle in our dwellings as an Engineering Technician, love you all at the front as you love me at home.....Doc. (As known in the Canadian Coast Guard) Got to return to Hospital from a day pass, keep fighting like hell for our Country and Flag as I do at home!!! Many prayers watch over us as in my image!!!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
It Has Been over a Month Since I Wrote, A Lot Has Transpired With The Start Of School Again
Well here I am finally getting to write my blog again since the start of September, it has been a long haul. The run around to my Court case became a real f'nnn joke! My Lawyer must of thought I was a real nut case or something, it took me a while to figure it out with some of my close media friends. They influenced me not to plead guilty, one special person in the media once said that I would figure it out, yea and I did, the night before appearing in Court to cop a plead with my Lawyer at my side. After the evening media comments about me and Court I phoned my Lawyer at midnight complaining of the lack of a media Lawyer, he was not too impressed again. Not being able to sleep I had my thinking cap on during the night. Then I remembered seeing a piece of paper when my Lawyer was flipping through the file, it had scribbles on it that was not of professional standards of the Courts, and was not sent by me to the person that has me in Court, for it was among items that that I actually did send the media personality. Still figuring about things I remembered that the media personality once said on air she want to meet the really Doctor Goober Mickeal, the conclusion was who is sending this smut mail or something to someone in the media signing my name. My Lawyer got his early morning wake up call from me, and I told him, "You must take me for a really nut case, I remember seeing a paper in the file that I did not send, let me see the evidence, and I will tell you what I sent and which is not mine from finger prints and hand writing analysis. My Lawyer said, "OK, we got to trial" As it turns out in Court the following morning, there are all these people being prosecuted for impersonating me somehow, thanks to their finger prints, talk about 3 and 4 making a lucky 7. I am due back in Court on April Fools day 2009, who is fooling who!!! All this came to pass at the end of September while in University and the hospital programs, while not knowing what to write until I passed through Court. School work and planning , socializing with another Artist to do an art show has kept me busy, and here I am finally getting time to write about it all. (Taking a small break, will finish posting tomorrow) Here I am finally getting back to finishing my post on Sunday! I ended up taking a theology class at Concordia University. It is proving to be very interesting, I am learning how to think a bit more like a Theologian compared to thinking like an Engineering Technician, and it is challenging! The image in this posting is a photo of my text and notes etc, the course has given me a lot to think about how God has interacted with us humans over history serving his purpose and instrumenting his Law over the people. I always found my special way to pray, and always felt God worked in my life in mysterious ways, he has carried me through a lot during my years in the mental health system, and he has found a special place in my heart. Studying theology has enriched me personally in the past, as it is doing in the present this semester in University. I am still producing different pieces of art in the art group at the hospital, thanks to the inspiration of our Adult Educator, she always has a new project to stimulate our creativity, it is fantastic! The music group is really good too, we have a good group like usual and I even got to play my guitar competently with other musicians for the first time. I am most often playing my guitar by myself, but found it really inspirational playing along side other musicians. So like usual, I keep plugging away in the arts and University, trying to get out of the poverty that the mental health system stricken me with.
Monday, September 08, 2008
By the end of the spring session at the hospital music group, the Music Therapist that gives me my guitar lessons, suggested that I get a metronome to strengthen my playing with better timing while he was on vacation. I do not have a whole lot of budget, so I bought the Korg metronome MA-30 as seen in the image above. I purchased it at the Archambault music store located at 500 St Catherine east, Montreal for approximately $32.00. It has been really great playing with a metronome, it is like I am no longer playing alone. I am playing along side my metronome, keeping better timing and hitting the correct strings for each cord that I am playing. As I put up in my last posting, I am working out more often again and even this has improved my guitar playing by strenghtening my hand for making my cords, I do hit my bar cords a whole lot better with my stronger hand. We have had a replacement Music Therapist during the summer who is really special, she gets us to produce in the visual arts to express ourselves and share it with the group, and then we have to improvise music around the theme of each group members creative works. The replacement Music Therapist even recorded our improvisations for each members art, after we all signed a release form. The Montreal General Hospital here in Montreal has really dedicated Music Therapists that really go out of the wa for us out patients. We all go through a healing experience in group as we interrelate our art and music. We the out patients draw upon each other through the guidance of our Music Therapist in group, we all find ways to relate to each others art and music. Since we the out patients know each other so well, the Music Therapist gets us to pick what instrument the group members plays to express our own art, since we know each other skills so well. I am even playing guitar in group more often in the improvisations as I develop my skill at home while practicing from my guitar lessons. We have a very special music group for out patients at the hospital thanks to the expertise and skills of the Music Therapists that guide us through our weekly sessions, God bless us all as we find our healing ways with Music Therapists, they are something very special!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Starting To Work Out A Bit Again, To Try And Put Some Meat Back On My Body, While I Try And Live A Healthier Life Style
Funny how for the second summer in a row, I have been in a depressed state and not taking very good care of myself. Getting a handle on going through Court with my Lawyer led me into a sense of depression. Having no real social life and spending most of my time in my demented prison of an apartment has been hard. Sure I am surrounded by my art on the walls, but I have no room for much more, I do not know where to put it, it is piling up with no sales. To ease the stress of Court, (see previous postings) I found myself sleeping a whole lot more to put it out of my mind. It took a bit to figure out how my Lawyer operates in Court and we are working on getting a second psychiatric evaluation to challenge the first. With that chance to prove my innocence and sanity, I felt better about myself and started to work out. I garbage picked the weight in the posting image a while back, and finally put it to work. I did already have some smaller lighter weights and the skipping rope, but I prefer the heavier weight to put on the pounds from working out. I work the upper body with various different exercises then go out to the building entrance and skip myself to exhaustion. I can even keep up my crossing of the rope with the hands like one sees boxers do. It makes for a really good work out, thus making my body feel a whole lot better. Like they used to say, health body, health mind. My mind has been sound for a long time now while struggling against the psychiatric practice I had to deal with at the hospital. They call me delusional for having some media attention as an Artist/Writer, from my blog writings and website where I sell art. I do interact with my radio station through emails and some of the DJ's are supportive of my plight, I have built a fan base here in Montreal between handing out bookmarks with my web addresses and through contact at the coffee shop I frequent near the University. Posting my blog address on the University class website back in the fall of 2007 got me some readers, and even one classmate from the winter semester of 2008 mentioned in my writing class, "You got to read Doctor Goober Micheal". It was comforting to know that at least one student enjoyed my writings. Another reason that I started trying getting into a routine for working out is that I am now pre-cancerous in my biopsies for my pallups. Yea I got to take better care of myself and have less stress inflicted on me by a Psychiatrist calling delusional and hallucinating radio and TV when I get mentioned along the way during certain broadcasts here in Montreal. It was on the News how better diets and exercise can assist in over coming cancer in colonoscopy, I have to start now to get a head of the game while still pre-cancerous. Today was another added bonus, I picked my third client for my company! I have my building cleaning contract which keeps my company going with a regular income and now I have two artists as clients that do not have access to computers. I work with both of them at different times, while getting paid for doing computer work out of my home and helping to build their websites with them. My company articles are worded in such a certain way that I can do a lot of different things for services while still being able to sell art or other products. With mid August being here, school will be starting up again soon and I got my second bursary from the Schizophrenia Society of Canada for my University classes. Not as much money as last time, but still I got something. My Social Worker has access to certain funds for schooling which I will be depending on for the winter semester of 2009, along with my fall and Christmas art sales and the last resort money from Mum and Dad. A money Christmas gift to help with my schooling always helped in the past. I also have some extra money in the fall coming in from doing some oil painting outside at my building where I clean, the cooler weather in the fall will make it easier working with the oil paint and scraping the wood and sanding it in preparation to paint it. Getting in shape with working out will also help me in doing the physical labour for the painting contract. I know what it is like scraping and sanding an outdoor ceiling to prepare for painting. It will be less strenuous being in a better physical conditioning. So I have several reasons for working out again, it would be nice to get up to the weight I had on me when I graduated from the Canadian Coast Guard College, I had a fair bit of solid meat on me back then from the physical training I went through, just got to get there again!
Monday, July 28, 2008
A Lot Is Going Through My Mind During My Court Case, This Reproduced Art From The Mayan Culture, Is Symbolic Of My Own Ball Court Marker
I remember being out partying quite a few years ago now, and I came up with the phrase,"Life is like a ball game, it is just that the ball of life can be hard to grasp." I was told to write it down at the time, that is why I remember the phrase today! Any way, here I am going through the Court process for harassment charges from trying to get answers from a person in the Montreal media, weather I was in the media or not as an Internet Artist/Writer, to prove to Hospital staff I was totally sane. I remember when it was on the radio sometime ago, the announcer said, "We are not even allowed to interview the Artist/Writer that blew the whistle on gyprock over plaster", my Psychiatrist is bent on calling me delusional because she says I hallucinate radio and TV around the media attention I have received here in Montreal for my Internet presence as a Artist/Writer. Somewhere in my posts over the years I made the posting about gyprock over plaster and I have written about it on my website where I sell art at Web site no longer exsists . Government Ministers have made reference on how they wished or felt my balls should get done in. Rumour has it they will get their way with putting me in jail out of my Court case I am presently faced with. I told my Lawyer I want to got to trial to defend myself and if I lose I could spend time in jail, guess the present Canadian Government will get its way with having my balls done in!!! Funny how I once got the email about a book written on what happens to whistle blowers, they get done in, as with what is being done to me. Grant you I have a good Lawyer, going to jail is the worst case situation, if worst comes to worst and I lose my Court case, hopefully I will only get parole so I do not lose my apartment schooling, and part time job. (thinking some more) I am back, there is so much I can write about, at times I do not even know where to start. I know the streets of Montreal is totally a buzz with my story and the media, and once again my Psychiatrist says I am hallucinating conversations I hear on the streets. For example, one day I was in the my favorite coffee shop next to the University doing art, and I over heard two business persons discussing a fund raiser for sick children that they were planning. In the conversation it was mentioned, that the "Fly" character on my website, could be on the leash of the media personality that now has me in Court, as a mascot for the children at the fund raiser. When I mentioned this to my Psychiatrist, she said I was hallucinating the coffee shop! But I could order my coffee alright and hold a conversation with the waitress over my art with out hallucinating that conversation! It is a fucking joke how I am being done in for standing up for the Canadian National Building Code with regards to voicing my opinion against gypyrock over plaster and its detrimental health effects on the population.(Taking a break to think some more)Funny thing, it was just on the radio that I am in contempt of Court for writing about my Court case, it is my therapy , I have nothing else and the Judge made no publication ban on my case!!!!!! I phoned my Lawyer and left a message, so till later....Doctor Goober in Court!!! PS: I remember hearing Students arguing, outside my University coffee shop, Liberal against Conservatives students, Liberal students were saying to Conservative students, "you go live in gyprock over plaster then, we are not", now everyone knows what it is all about now!!!, I heard Conservative politicians are tainted by gyprock over plaster corruption on the street rumours!!!!!!!!!!!! PSS: Last time I was in Court, a person was being prosecuted for installing gyprock over old plaster and blackmail was involved, my Psychiatrist would say I was hallucinating the Court room lobby, but I did not hallucinate the Judge, Crown Prosecutor, or my Lawyer while in Court, why only the Court room lobby according to my Psychiatrist if I was to mention it to her!!!!!!PSSS: Note: Late Night News,So people want to lie about me and the media, at least a woman called into to the radio station and said she will remortgage her home to get rid of gyprock over plaster, politics and the media will put me in prison over it, at least I prove my point when I go to jail!!!!! Fucken Shit!!!!!(Update: July 29th 2008, with this mornings media I am in contempt of Court as a defendant writing about my Court case, but what....the media can say what ever they want about me and I have never consulted a media Lawyer to protect my interests!!!!!So I fought back on the Internet!!!!!)
Update: August 3rd 2008: I am a nervous wreck out of all this, lost weight, it is hard to get food into myself, now I am becoming more of a regular pill popper to control my nerves and get some sleep! To the point, I see visual appartions/hallucinations of a ghostly nature which is one of the rarer forms of schizophrenia, I do not hear voices like people want to claim, nor hallucinate radio or TV broadcasts!!! Funny how I caught the media clips to the effect of: "If we admit we were putting in plugs for him, we would be admitting we were in contempt of Court", and "I don't think Doctor Goober Mickeal should go to jail or hospital over it". Along with"...who is in contempt of Court more, I have lost count". Who are the sickos that put the gag order on the media regarding my story in the first place? The way it is looking, I will go to jail or I am put in Hospital as a lame excuse for justice, which makes Canada no more than a suppressing communist state!Update: Aug 7th 2008, The Hospital still wants to insist that I hallucinate radio and TV media attention, but like it was on the radio today, "money floats to do him in"! It just goes to show that a Hospital and Doctors will do someone in if the price is right!!!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
I am over due for a posting, it has been a while due to complications in my life. I am putting something together now from memories and sent emails. Stand by for more tales from my schizophrenic crypt! So here are some more crypt tales finally.
The metaphysical is very much alive, sometimes it comes to us in dreams at night, inspirational moments or in my case, apparitions/hallucinations with my schizophrenic issues. Any way, another interesting point on my schizophrenic issues, is how I hallucinate pages in books. Going back some time now, when I was living with Mum & Dad in their home before Dad retired, I looked up the word 'Metaphysician' in Dad's Britannia double volume dictionary. I related to word with my schizophrenic issues. Now at this time, I was pumped full of psychiatric drugs on intermuscular injections, I was happy with what I read where the dictionary listed British Metaphysicians over the ages, of which Robert Burns was one, thus giving me my Scottish pride. Years later in Mum & Dad's present home on the island of Montreal, I looked up the same dictionary to jog my memory, the text was not there as I remember it, there were no examples of deceased people such as Robert Burns. Then in my own Webster double volume dictionary, I had a similar experience with the word 'Museuf', another Muslim prophet, true spelling Youssef. I remember reading the text and was happy reading what was there. Then years later, I looked up the word again here in this apartment, there is no such word in my dictionary. 'Youssef' is what every Muslim Mother calls her baby. What I looked up was, Museuf, coming from the word muse or where muse comes from with the origin of words. I once said to a Muslem co-worker, "Stop musing to yourself like a fucking Museuf". The gentleman explained to me I could get killed for saying that to the wrong Muslem, far as I was concerned, I made up the word Museuf for the joke on him. He misunderstood me for saying Youssef! Then again, I got my explanation on the joke line without getting killed. I just looked up the word Youssef in my double volume American Websters dictionary, it not there, go figure, but once before, I did get my definition while hallucinating Museuf in my same dictionary.Then this spring while doing my research paper for University, I took out a book from the library. I went to my favorite coffee shop close to the University before coming home, glancing at the book over coffee, I was happier than a pig in shit with a photograph of a piece of Native Canadian art and text on the piece. It was what I wanted for my paper I was writing! Then when I got home and finally writing the section on Native Canadian art, I went looking for the page in the book. I went fucking nuts looking for the page, it was not in the book any more! Going back in my youth, I always remembered my Mom as a black haired woman, that slowly turned to a salt and pepper hair and now grey with her age. It was not until recently that I had a conversation with my Mom and she stated she was a blond when young. I said, "What, you were black haired!", anyway how could I argue with my Mother on the colour of her hair. I even asked a childhood friend, "What colour was my Mom's hair, he stated"Blond". I swear on my Grandfather's grave, I always saw my Mom as a black haired woman. Then to really mess with my Mother's head, she was showing me old photographs. Dad took a black and white photograph of Mom with her two children in the water with her at the beach, I said, "Ma, your hair is black in the photo, if you were blond, why does your hair not look like my brother's blond hair, I can show you a black and white photograph on the Internet of a blond woman, her hair sure does not look that black, it is more like my blond brother's." Spooky isn't it!!! I got more stories coming in later posts.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
June 18th 2008
Here I am at the end of another session with the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts community programs with the Montreal General Hospital and Jewish Family Services. It has been a wonderful experience once again thanks to Staff and fellow Mental Health Consumers from both parties. The art show is a one day show in one of the work shops that we produced in on June 18th 2008 between 3PM and 5pm, the work shop is just off the community hall in the corridor between Bishop and Creasent Streets here in Montreal. I got to produce five wonderful pieces of art,and invitations for family and friends, thanks to the Museum Animatrise organizing our materials and lectures on art located in different parts of the Museum. The lectures ranged from print making to lectures on Muslim art and African mask making and Canadian art history while producing out of inspiration from the experience. I really learned a lot about another part of the World during the lecture on Muslin art and easy home made print making from the work shop afterwards. While there was a paying exhibit on art from Cuba, we got a free tour of the show and was given inspiration to produce. What really affected me from the Cuban art exhibit was the sad eyes of the people either in painted canvases or black and white photographs. I closely related with my own sad eye complex and poverty with feeling like a second class citizen with my schizophrenic issues. With studying the African Mask Exhibit in the Museum for the second time with an Animatrise, I produced an African type Shaman mask that was spooky even to myself when I stood back and looked at it when it was finished. The challenge of producing it in a limited time spot at the Museum is a real challenge, it not like producing art on your own time, things come out of your subconscious like an Automatist from the Global Refus time period in Canadian art history. When we had the make up class at the Museum to finish up art that was incomplete from the previous sessions, I produced a functional piece of art from the short lecture on the session I missed. (I have to admit that I missed a session at the Museum from being hung over from too much beer the night before from personal problems before the Wednesday class at the Museum) Anyway , as it turn out I produced a wonderful piece of functional art inspired from the lovely Lady in the media that got me arrested as mentioned in previous few postings. A combination of inspirational forces from the woman that got me arrested and the World renowned Henry Moorish type art that is found in the Museum its self and around the streets of Montreal, I produced. As I joked in my clay sculpture making session at the Museum, my sexual frustrations were coming out again with being a middle age man type with experience on the beer and having no wife and kids to spoil.The functional piece of art revolved around a pregnant woman bust , of which I really know nothing about but in fantasy. During the winter/spring session at the Museum, I got to be a representative for the Hospital and the English Montreal School Board at an early evening promotional event of the Museum's making for its community project program. I did not mind working for getting a glass of of wine or two for my labours supporting the Museum and the Hospital/Museum program as a consumer. By principle ,I only say my prayers for civilization for free, everything else is going to cost society something, the glasses of wine or two suited my pallet at the time. Hand over fist it was a fantastic experience working with the Hospital Staff and the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts once again and I really appreciate the gossip floating around the Museum calling me a creative genius. It really makes me feel my worth in creative gold. I thank the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts with my deepest gratitude for teaching the craft in fine arts, inspiring me with the lectures on civilization and art history along with techniques in doing art, while providing me with the resources and materials to produce the master pieces as you call them, may you continue to forge my mind with love !!!! For -ever
Doctor Goober Mickeal
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
So here I am sitting by myself like usual with the radio playing and for once I do not know what to write. My life has become really boring on disability pension, I really miss working and having the extra money from my labours. Grant you doing my art and blog writing is a form of work but it costs more money than it makes! I am getting fed up with the hospital programs that I attend, and still spend too much time by myself. Then when you write about it on your blog, you get all these match making Internet agencies emailing you that someone wants to meet you, what a joke! I average about 5 hits a day according to my sitemeter, and what ever I write about I get advertizing email asking for money I do not have, even my email box is lonely.My can of beer or two in the evening mellows out the boring day. Talking to other men my age or older, it is a common past time when we have nothing, we all drink too much beer. The only persons I have to phone are my ex-girl friend and and my Mum for my daily conversation for a bit, most other friends I can not get a hold of. With having no children of my own, I have no one to really think about or treat, so I end up treating myself to beer. A friend from the Art Group at the hospital got me out on a photo shoot this past weekend up on Mount Royal here in Montreal. I finished off my roll of black and white film on the mountain, and figured I got some pretty good shots walking the trail through the woods up the mountain. There we were , three male psychiatric out patients, middle aged with cameras and no money but trying to make an outing for ourselves. It was good getting out in the woods again with my friend from the hospital art group and meeting his friend that he brought along. Funny how I knew him from spending time on the psychiatric ward with him at one point or another over the years, like we all say, small world. At the end of the Saturday afternoon my two friends got the bus from the mountain home, and I went and sat down by my lone some self and did a sketch of a stone sculpture in the park at the top of Mount Royal. After doing the sketch I headed back through the trail and headed down the mountain to drop off my exposed film for development, then went for coffee before heading back to my apartment which I have nick named my demented prison. Sure I got my little art studio which I can produce in, but what am I supposed to do with all the art, I got no place to put it all and I can not seem to sell it. The price of gasoline seems to take up everyones extra spending money. I got a canvas on my easel with a sketch on it to be painted, it was inspiration from the person that got me arrested, before she got me arrested. I want to paint my layout but it hurts too much, sometimes I just sit there looking at the sketch and thinking to myself, "how the hell did I get arrested and spend time in shackles and chains". (See previous posting on the arrest) Just with getting myself arrested with trying to get answers if I hallucinate the News or not, drove me into a higher beer consumption which I can not afford. At least it helped me sort my head somewhat, more so than my Psychiatrist is capable of doing! Thank God for my faith in God, praying for those more needy than myself gives my life meaning. I gong in my candle and incense lighting while I say my prayers for humanity and all, the planet too, sometimes for sick animals, it can give meaning when there is none. Recently I have been reflecting of the days when I was young and earning $3500.00 over time cheques, never mine my regular pay. On that gross amount I would pay $1500.00 tax to take home 2 grand extra in a month. Now I feel like a burden to society and life loses a lot of its meaning. I really tried hard working while taking medication for schizophrenia, and I even lost that excuse for living over time. So here I am trying to sort out my head with being a financial burden to society on disability pension, yes a artist/writer that always seems to get done in with new contacts, I heard of blackmail working around me to drive me under. The majority of society does not like whistle blowers like I have been, and the majority of us that blow a whistle or two on something usually get done in. Yes, I feel like I did the right thing in the eyes of God, being a whistle blower on certain issues I came across, but it cost me everything, then again God is still there for me when no one else is!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Apparently After All These Years, I Now Have Auditory Hallucinations, And The likes Of This Is Going To Solve My Problem
So here I am in my twenty fifth year after first cracking up with schizophrenic type symptoms and I am accused of having auditory hallucinating when I am listening to the News on TV, during the day when the radio in playing, in the coffee shop, in class at University, when being part of the Museum projects with the Hospital, on the bus and metro transport system of Montreal, and my solution is pictured above. I have no choice in becoming a regular pill popper, I even got arrested because of my hallucinations and went through prison and Court holding cells. I could not even believe it, there I was being shuffled around by the Court system in leg shackles and hand cuffs, all because of auditory hallucinations. OK, I got arrested by someone in the media while trying to figure out if I was hallucinating their News broadcasts or not, instead of a simple solution, I am now going through prosecution by the Courts for harassment. Dumb life of a schizo like me, my heart is broken, my hallucinations are now getting me in trouble with the law, according to my Psychiatrist. I thought I built my Artist/Writer career somewhat and had some media attention. Now I am informed that it was all hallucinations, as every one tells me, and the Courts obviously do not lie. So I am voluntarily increasing medication so I stop having auditory hallucinations when I see people talking, and while listening to radio and TV. Medication never stopped my hallucinations in the past so I will probably become a walking zombie trying to straighten out my life. Apparently I was even hallucinating the class room in University for two semesters and still got a half decent passing grade. Every where I go now I have auditory hallucinations, I only used to have the visual kind for the last 25 years. Now that I am trying my best at my fourth career, as an Internet Artist/Writer, I start getting auditory hallucinations everywhere Igo and got to get myself pumped full of drugs as a treatment plan to stop it, so I will not get arrested any more. It will be a while as I pass through the Court system, I first have to get a criminal evaluation by a Psychiatrist from the Quebec Penitentiary system, then re-appear in Court again in July. Really, I thought I built my Artist/Writer career a bit and got some notoriety for it, but it was all just mere hallucinations. I just hope I do not become too sedated to maintain my blog and carry on my art career, just have to see how much medication it takes to stop the auditory hallucinations everyone around me says I am having. So take care and say a prayer for me as I forge forward trying to rectify this new problem of mine. Update:May 17th 2008, well increased medication did not help any, all I did was sleep and I still heard reference to me in the media and in street gossip, so I am back to my normal medication levels and living with it.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Earth Day 2008, Homo-Sapiens Gets %&*#@*&? From Me, The Schizo Shaman
Well here we are Earth Day 2008 and the Planet is a total mess as far as I am concerned!!! We all got to buck up and face reality what we are doing to our Planet "Mothearth" as I like to call her. Mothearth comes from Russian Pagan for a Deity for the Planet or something, I just believe in the spiritual part of the name in my Shamanism. Number ! on my curse list how Homo Sapeins deface the Planet, cigarette liter bugs, here in the urban jungle of Montreal, we have a lack of public ashtrays for us smokers like everywhere else! I usually smoke rollies in public that are bio-degradeable, tobacco, paper and cardboard, but today I did not litter my cigarette butt, I put it in my pocket to dispose of at home, I only dropped the lite hot ash and tobacco which will decompose in the natural environment very quickly. When I was passed two tailor made cigarettes with filters that take something like twenty years to break down, I put them in my pocket to bring home instead of littering the sidewalk with my cigarette butt, disrespecting the environmment of a majority of nonesmokers! I did drop my cigarette butts on the terrasse where I have my coffee close to the University, they choise to sweep up because idiots keep steeling the cafe ashtrays from the terrasse. My vow to Mothearth, I will no longer drop a man made fiber cigarette butt in my urban jungle as of Earth Day 2008. I do have to sweep up cigarette butts at work just outside the building and I am fed up with it, most smokers can not even use the wall mounted ash tray I got my boss to fork out for! To continue with the cigarette issue, ash tray waste makes a good compost for the common house plant , the spider plant, along with coffee grains & filters and tea bags. All the Homo Sapein smoker has to do is separate the non biodegradable filter from the left over tobacco and ash,( filter could be recycled for fire retardant insulation in industry or something) sift ashtray remains to separate ash, then stick tobacco and hard dry ash in a house hold blender and blend. Mix with blended up dried out coffee grains and filters, and dried out tea bags. Mix with house plant soil in a desirable composition and your house hold plant will turn it to soil. When I had a balcony I started to make buckets of rich soil with this process, balcony plant life can enjoy the compost as well. The blend can be acidic and should only be used with plant life that can endure acidic soil, not every plant likes acidic soil, I would hate for you to kill your precious plant with not knowing what you are doing. The Homo Sapein would be surprised how much one is taking out of the dump site following this process!!! Try it for yourselves and see, we could end up shipping rich top soil to African wind swept farm land! By the way, my ex girl friend called her spider plant hanging in the window a whore, with all the babies shoots it had with my compost!!!! By the way recycled cigarette ash, tea bags and coffee grains blended up , mixed together and sitting idol will generate heat as compost, it will give ff methane gas if not handled correctly.( Beer break and got to roll a bio-degradable cigarette) I am back, so to my posting image, we have th Homo Sapein Cyclops trying to hold the Planet in balance! Beware my friends, the watch of time is on the left hand of the model with a strap and the ring of Planetary faith on the right hand finger, we must find a balance for the Planet while I urinate psychiatric residual medication into our drinking water supply as a schizo Shaman psychiatric patient!!!! Note : Added bonus for cat lovers, when you clean your cat's litter box, you can put it into the blender and add it to the compost instead of putting your cat's excretement into the city dumb site! I never got to experiment with this because my life was destroyed by mobsters and Psychiatrists when standing up for the Canadian National Building Code working against gyprock over plaster instanlations!!! Extra added bonus, I did experiement with putting kitchen styrafoam into the blender and into the compost....it does break down in the compost when processed as a powder from a blender!!! Please note: These materials beat the hell out of your blender blades, you are going to have to learn how to sharpen your bender blades!!!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Just getting around to starting another blog posting, based on the end of the semester at University. My crazy life, I did the surrealist type sketch in charcoal sitting at Java U coffee shop on the terrasse, not far from the University campus, the sky line was my inspiration. (Will get back to this post tomorrow night, it getting late, at least I got motivated to start my post) Well here it is the 19th of April and finally getting back to my blog posting. I have been feeling down in the dumbs with my isolation, I spend too much time alone and it can affect me emotionally. I really enjoyed the last semester in school and doing my term paper. At least I learned something about surrealism in Canada, it proved to be interesting research, yea, what surrealism in Canada, it never really kicked off here. With doing the research paper, I learned that I am very much an "Automatiste" as Artists put it during Refus Global. The charcoal sketch shown in this post came very automatically with very little thought put into it, stemming somewhere from the subconscious and done very quickly. Symbolic in certain ways, between the doctrine of science in University and my own theological thought with my Shaman ways, as they are in conflict as I am first to admit. The squashed beer can on nature, well I can drink a fair bit of beer in my isolation and University life quells my drinking habits some with having something to produce for and getting feed back on, like the papers I hand in. I even laugh at myself with my art, it is like a male cloud of intellect probing a female cloud spirituality of the Church, like my sexual frustration with growing old alone. This type of automatic art comes out a lot in my art work, or am I looking too much into it. I have seen this type of thing in other pieces of my art and I can only laugh. I tend to wonder what an Art Therapist would comment about the piece of art, it was done very quickly as a true "Automatiste" from the subconscious that the Canadian Artist Paul Emile Borduas would possibly be proud of . A basic start of a work of art will come to me and as I work through it, it is like something is telling me what to produce without me thinking much about it, very much how I learned during the last fall semester in school, that I can be a very automatic writer when doing poetry or creative writing. I question if it is part of the hyper active thinking process of the person with schizophrenia coming to light, at least it is a productive way to deal with it. I remember when I had a lot more medication in me when I was younger, my hand would not even do what my brain wanted it to do when I attempted art. I really had to force myself to produce, now I feel grateful that I can take a limited amount of medication and be free flowing in the creative arts or what ever task I take upon myself. Being in school has helped me grow in my artistic endeavors as I learn more about the arts and Artists that proceeded me and what they stood for. It is like one can not re-invent the wheel in art, someone has been there before you exploring this wonderful aspect of life. I am looking forward to the next fall and winter semester in school, I plan to take a course in psychology to help me psychoanalysis my Nurse and Psychiatrist better, while perhaps gaining further insight into myself.
To see more art of mine link to: web site no longer exsists
Sunday, April 06, 2008
I Am Doing A Research Paper On Surrealism in Canadian Art History For My University Class And I Learned About My Own Early Art
Here I am coming up the end of the semester in school and I am behind in my commitment in making regular blog postings, so I though I would take a break from my paper and get my blog posting up. Funny how when I first started painting, I was working as a trades person here in Montreal, and here is one of my first painting in a surrealist style, it came from the "magical" way of spiritual freedom of Paul Emile Borduas (The French Canadian Artist behind the Refus Global Manifesto), the magic of my apparition/hallucination from my schizophrenia. This painting on wood was done after having the apparition/hallucination at the bottom of my bed before going to sleep one night, the metaphysical coming to me in my pre-sleep state, I can fall asleep meditating to them some times. All is there in several pieces of art, including the severed body parts that are found in the foundations of surrealism. The metaphysical and creativity is the way I am evolving and always have, it is just what name do you put on schizophrenia, why don't they call us apprentice Metaphysicians. I make my life as I learn in school about the arts, while hospitalized I spent a fair bit of time in the Hospital medical library.
A lot of my first pieces of art are of surrealist direction by definition. Other pieces of my art, that are a form of surrealism, can be viewed in the "Out There" Magazine on the Ami Quebec's website located at , link no longer exsists . I knew nothing about art when I started painting on my own, I called myself an Outsider Artist, I drifted to Urban Outsider Artist as I found myself caught up in city scape as an apartment dweller. Now I am taking a hard look at the direction for my art, I do write surrealist type poetry as well, my very own foundations of my apparition/hallucination metaphysical state assists me to create. It has also helped me on the job in the engineering field as some sort of metaphysical engineer, I do have a versatile background. The severed hand of early surrealism is found on my family crest from Scotland which is older that the surrealist movement in Europe post WWI. What were the Surrealist searching for in there artistic vision, the metaphysical, I found it in my schizophrenia and art. Funny little musing, there is the skull of John the Baptist, the hand of one Saint and the ankle of another Saint buried in the Catacombs of the Vatican, were Surrealists reaching for a metaphysical grave of sort for creative insight.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
It was early November last year when I was playing guitar, as the guitar body rubbed up against my right breast I would feel a pain. So I took to examining my right breast, then it was "Oh God, a lump". At first it was only the Internet, what were the chances of me haven fallen to breast cancer. Could not find a whole lot on lumps in a male breast on the Internet, other that there were a small percentage of males that get breast cancer. I knew that when I signed the protocol for the research on schizophrenia there was a chance that I could get sists, I had never thought that much about it. With talking to the staff at the Hospital I proceed to call my GP clinic and get an appointment to see a specialist. There was not much of a time lapse and I was in seeing the specialist that would tend to my new medical problem. So when I was in the specialist Doctor's office, one of his first questions was, "Do you smoke pot or hash?" I had to confess to the Doctor that I did smoke pot as a stronger cigarette to help me cope with the difficulties in my life, it had the way of blocking things out I was powerless to resolve. The doctor informed me that smoking recreational drugs can be the cause of my sist. I thought to myself, lovely life, no matter what I do, I get done in. I was also informed that the medication I take could also be the cause.
After an physical examination of my breast the Doctor admitted that I had quite the sizable lump. I was referred for a mammogram and told to stay off marijuana and eat more fruit. Now I had to try and restructure my life and get for a mammogram, I did get taken for a mammogram within reasonable amount of time due to being part of medical research. The mammogram machine is not exactly designed for a male breast. There was a lot pulling and sqeezing to get my tit in the claps for the x-ray. Then it was back to the Doctor when he got the results of the test. Through out this time period I had given up smoking marijuana for stress relief, but did seem to consume a bit more alcohol at times to help me sleep. I felt comfortable going back to the Doctor after the mammogram for the sist had reduced in size over the couple of months of get clinic appointments. The day came that I was to see the Doctor for the mammogram results and I was proud to inform him that I had not smoked any pot since I saw him last and that the sist was starting to dissolve. If it was not once again with something going wrong, with discussion between my Doctor and myself, it was discovered that the test results were written for my left breast when the mammogram was done on my right, and the physical examination was for my right breast. The Doctor admitted it was stupid what happened with the test results, for he was forced to listen to them instead of his own physical examination, but he admitted the lump was getting smaller which was a good, along with it not being cancerous. He then referred me to an ultra sound on both breasts to straighten out the mess.
When I started fishing around for the ultra sound of my breasts I discovered that I would have to pay, yea really with what money. I took the situation to the Research staff that I deal with for the schizophrenia. The Research Assistant then ended up phoning around the hospitals to try and get me an appointment for a breast ultra sound. Finally I got a call from one of the Hospitals and their breast cancer clinic. So in time it was off to the breast cancer clinic for another examination with an ultra sound. As of today it is like what lump in my breast, it seems to have dissolved and I am waiting to get called back to the specialist office for the results of the further testing.
I have hardly smoked marijuana since the scare with the sist and my Psychiatrist wants me to lay off the beer a bit. In the solitude of my isolation I can abuse my body a bit with alcohol to help me sleep. I am now drinking fruit juice instead of carbonated drinks, I do not always eat the best and I am trying to work on that as well. My life consists of being home a lone too much, listening to the radio or getting the evening News. The Hospital programs, my University class and work once a week get me interacting with people, other than that I have nothing for interacting with people most of the time. "C'est la vie" as they say in French and I cope and deal the best way I can in my semi isolation and limited income.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Did A Paper On Blogging For My University Class And I Thought I Would Post It, "The Revelations On Blogging"
I just got back my paper I wrote on blogging for my English class at Concordia University here in Montreal, did not bad, got a B- for a grade. I made few corrections to the paper as it was posted thanks to the Professor pointing out my errors in grammar and basic English structure. I really got to work at improving my written English, that is what the course is all about, doing it right. The paper is as follows:
After reviewing the articles "The Blog Phenomenon" by John C. Dvorak and "The Intimacy of Blogs" by Michael Snider, I found the authors approach the subject of blogs slightly differently, but it is evident that the blogosphere is very active in revealing human stories, by self made authors portraying life for various different reasons.
The blog is a form of web diary that over ran the Vanity web page of the Internet.
Those who maintain blogs are called bloggers and there are hundreds of thousand of blogs
covering every possible subject. One of the reasons people blog is to interact with other people
through the medium of the Internet. Some blogs are started through inspiration from reading
blogs that exert a strong influence for the reader to start writing themself. Blogs or weblogs are maintained by individuals or by a number of people through a website host such as http://www.blogger.com/ Snider quotes Joe Clark who is a blogger himself, as saying that, "The thing that’s attractive about reading weblogs is that you know there is one human being or a group of human beings behind them."(2003) The web hosts provide an easy-to-manipulate format for posting writings on any subject that the author cares to write about. Blogs are defined in two different ways, those that have written material on a subject with numerous links to other web postings on the same subject or personal diary type blogs that tell individual stories.
Both authors try to reveal a sense of why people blog and illustrated this in
different ways. The main reasons put forth by Dvorak are "ego gratification ...
antidepersonalization ...elimination of frustration...societal need to share... wanna-be
writers..."(2002), where as Snider takes the prospective of interviewing bloggers and questioned
them on their reasons for blogging. According to one interview, "Your weblog becomes an
exterior part of you" says Clark, "so you can have some distance from your feelings, even though
you’re putting them out for everyone to read...."(2003).
When people read your blog, they often have an option to interact with the author
by leaving comments on a pre-programed format which is part of the blog. These comments from a blogger’s readership can keep a person writing as he gets to interact with his readers. The audience gets to know the blogger in an intimate way and friendships can be built out of this
interaction between blogger and reader.
Through being a blogger myself, I did get to interact with some of my readers and I
have made friendships out of it. I can relate very closely to the reasons given by Dvorak and
Snider for why people blog; in my case, I had several of the given reasons when starting to
blog. Blogging became a habitual practice and I developed my skill at it. After making regular postings for a period of time, thus setting a track record with your blogging style, one can apply to the various advertisers so that they can receive income from blogging which is not mentioned by Dvorak or Snider, possibly due to paid advertising on blogs being more of a recent blog innovation. One can receive newsletter emails on how to become a more effective blogger and drive up traffic to your site. Yaro Starak runs a blog traffic school to help bloggers succeed, and his website is http://www.entrepreneurs-journey.com./ He makes a comfortable living off the Internet and enjoys helping others to try and succeed financially from blogging, a growing industry of self published authors.
This is what became of my paper after corrections were made when I got it back this evening in class. I did better on this class assignment than my last paper, and I intend to continue working on my writing skills.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Here we are coming up the middle of Febuary with Valentines Day around the corner, and Birks House Artists is having another expo/sale at the Hospital following on the Valentine theme. There are only three of us taking part in the table sale but we have a lot of quality art and photography. Our Animatrise invested in art supplies for the event, thanks to some of the money made at Christmas. It ended up that I brought home work from the Art Group back to my apartment to be prepared for the show. Wooden picture frames, hearts and heart boxes were purchased from the Dollar Store by our Animatrise and I have my hands full at home preparing for the expo/sale. Along with trying to complete some of the projects inniated by our Animatrise, I am trying to complete some of my own projects for the sale. I plan to have seven canvases for sale, some of which where on display for sale at Christmas, my stock of art for sale is building up. I have an abundance of 9" x 12" sketches for sale, done in mediums ranging from chaulk pastel, charcoal to graphite pencil and oil pastel. I also have a selection of different style miniature clay mandelas that are a carry over from Christmas sales. I wanted to make some heart style mandelas for the Valentines sale but I do not have the time between now and the day of our sale. I am kept very busy between preparing for the sale and doing my homework from University along with the homework from my guitar lessons and French class at the Hospital. It is good to be keeping busy thanks to Hospital progams and the University course that I am taking. My guitar practicing has slacken off some and I am not practicing enough, trying to find the time is the problem. I am even late with getting this blog posting up due to being so busy. Keeping busy helps keep my mind focused in a healthy way compared to thinking too much much over trival mental health issues that I have to deal with.
I see the Nurse and Doctor every second week at the Hospital, they are alternate weeks apart, which gives me a visit at the Hospital every week. I spend too much time by myself due to a lack of friends, I have one close friend from my youth and I am still close to my old girl friend. I have a relatively new aquantence from the Art Group and we usually go for coffee together after group. She is a fantastically gift Artist that can reproduce any thing to surprising detail. With her being a French Canadian by mother tongue, with a limited English vocabulary, I get to practice my French with her every week and she is always trying to help me improve my broken French. So between my French classes at the Hospital and practicing my French with Densie, I should really get to improve my spoken French this semester. A fair bit of French is spoken at the Art Group as well, for I am the sole anglophone in the group at present, it is the same with my Music group at the hospital where French can be the predominate language of communication. I always seem to be having a phrase or two translated from French in my Groups so that I can stay tuned in. Even the Minister of Education of the Province of Quebec is trying to improve the level of French spoken and written by students, through her new proposals in the education system. With the dual cultures here in Quebec, it really makes it for a special place. The Art Group plans to make our website bi-lingual which will come in time with my French lessons for I am the one that manipulates the Art Group's website. To view the Hospital's Art Group's website click on the following link: http://www.freewebs.com/birkshouseartists Finally, I got up my blog posting up which was long over due, as I try and find the time for everything on my plate in my semi isolation, thats all for now and keep your mind stimulated with healthy activities.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Here I Am Back In School At Concordia University For The Winter Semester While In Hospital Mental Health Programs
So the New Year rolls in and I am back in school studying how to be an effective writer. Last semester in school ended well and I got a B+ for a final grade, not bad for my first time in school for quite some time and fighting depression at the same time. I really enjoyed last semester, the Professor was really special and talented at leading the students through our creative process! I learned from the Professor how I lack in my writing skills and what to do to improve upon them. At the end of the course the Professor instructed me to start reading more to improve my grammar, spelling, along with my basic writing skills. I enjoyed keeping a journal on my creative process for my portfolio and I told the Professor at the end of the course that I intended to keep up doing the journal on my creative process, which will now include my visual arts, musical inclinations, along with my attempts at developing my writing skills. With the start of the winter semester I went to Concordia's library and got some books to read as advised to do last semester. I chose to continue reading works on a author I got introduced last semester, namely Edgar Allan Poe. I did one critique on one of his prose last semester and I intend to seek out more of his work to read, including some of his poetry. His writings help me to develop my vocabulary with his use of words and I really enjoy his writings.
Carrying on into the winter semester, I took another writing course to help me develop skills in writing academic papers. The course is a prerequisite for getting into a grammar course down the road. So I got my work cut out for me again this semester in school with maintaining the work for the course and reading more as advised from the Professor last semester. The Hospital programs have started up again after the holidays and I am back attending those classes as well. Due to my course at University being on early Monday evenings, I dropped the gym class on Monday afternoons at the Hospital, the travelling home and then back down town or buying supper out would have been too much. The Animatrices of the gym class were sad to hear I would not be attending this semester but I will be back with them in the fall if all goes well with my schedule. Wednesday music group and guitar lessons are still scheduled into my week, along with the Thursday art group with Birks House Artists. I still have my job once a week cleaning the small office building down town and the clients in the building are so friendly with me that I feel really close to them at this point. Sometimes my work at the building got slack when I was fighting off depression and they understood. For the greater part, I have over come my bouts of depression and feeling a lot better about myself over all. It helped with the encouragement I got at the Hospital selling art just before Christmas, along with settling out terms of endearment with my Psychiatrist.
I am no longer part of the writers group that I was part off last year, due to breach of trust and what they did with my pen name Doctor Goober M.... in a publication. I was lied to and deceived being published in a chap book with the writers group. They took out a copyright on the chap book that I am part of and I am not even on the copyright registration with my pen name. It is illegal and I went to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police over it, contacting the department that handles the Federal Copyright Act. This department of the RCMP has enough work on their hands as it is, they did not need another case to handle such as my complaint but shit happens and that is what they are there for! I have an old friend that is a writer and we have been in touch over the holiday season, we agreed that we could work together and legally put out a chap book together with both our works of poetry and prose. I have another friend that knows of some other writers group in the city and she is trying to track them down with a contact phone number, hopefully I will be able to become part of this new writers group and not have the complications I had with the one I was involved in last year. So I am starting the New Year on a positive note and no longer having little bouts of depression that hampered my life, the World is before me still and I intend to kick butt and make something of myself to increase my monthly income and do away with my welfare subsidy on my disability pension. Here is to one and all in the New Year and stay legal or you might get busted by people that like honesty!
(January 24th 2008, with help from the RCMP, the writers group is going to put me on the Copyright registration so all will be Kosher!)