Here we are into the new year of 2023, pushing ahead while being deemed fit to work in some capacity, after a lot went wrong for a period of time in my life. I want to get on with my life for getting ahead start in the beginning of the year, while rumours float as I am getting more and more well known as a public figure. Parts of my dark past, being alone with schizophrenia, I try and leave behind me. It was not a easy time climbing on top of my life plateau, while being a diverse person with schizophrenia. I was even a eccentric in my youth, from a young age, while writing and passing written words to certain people over a life time. The habit started young, and my memories are acurate for what I went through, while coming to terms with my mental health situation and issues that come with the diagnosis.
I spent the day researching a Christian Leader from our recent past, with two Internet sites I became informed what he accomplished in his life time, a motivator with insight, wanting human rights for all. It left me thinking a lot about my own plight in my darker years, being taken wrongly and passing through the courts quickly by stereo-typical judicial practices around mental health, through my eyes as somewhat of a complex, in retribution and peace with me and the Courts.
It is like I broke all the rules of my side bar that I wrote for myself, on what not to do, but things came out in my dark past with mental health issues. Rejection from the moment go around me, I still spend to much time by myself, in the isolation of being me. I tried hard to succeed as a mental health consumer, what I unearthed processing water through my filters, what do I do with the filter wash water? I can not stock pile it. Between my art and engineering I have out grown where I presently live. I came to live here March 2014, the last 8 years past fast, I do not know where the time went. I started processing water the start of October 2022, I proved my point to some, there is some acknowledgement of my pursuit of cleaner water, and the results but it is a hard road to follow by one's self. I need companionship along the way like anyone else, just finding it as I grow older, with mental health and the Courts being part of my life, makes it all the more difficult.
I just survive in the present system in Canada, as an educated man with schizophrenia, without my educational background I would never have been able to accomplished what I have. Living for cleaner water, knowing the results of processing water for health, as the man that I am with determination. Getting close to a woman around my water that I filter, would be forfilling a dream of finding a life mate. Here with the determination, some meaning and purpose in my life, that carries me through a lot of lonely moments. I can only reflect on older thoughts that I put on the web, yes some were wrong during the dark years of my life. Not having anyone to turn to with my schizophrenia issues, using the web as a release safety valve of emotions was wrong. I had no one but a keyboard while trying to make some sort of reason to life, being a mental health consumer that was not to be believed. My water processing and filters were mentioned in Court, I was deemed delusional over my water theory that I spoke of to my attending Psychiatrist. The Courts listen to the Psychiatrist over my engineering with filtering water. I do not know how many years I have been dragged through the Courts for mental health. I got boxes of Court documents that need properly disposed of. It has been about sixteen years since I first started water processing through filters, lost everything after being pre-cancer in colonscopy and solved my colonoscopy issue with filtering water. I can hardly make other claims without a Doctor's varification of status and water consumption records from when I started filtering again this past October of last year.
What am I to write? I am having problems by over medicating by the Psychiatrist, she wants to increase medication levels, and I am forced to rebel challenging the Psychiatrist and her power in the Courts. I am sick and tired of over salivating on to my cell phone, and having drools run from my lip, waking up at night with my mouth a mess of saliva with a soaked pillow. All these side effects as I try to work, at what ever it may be to better my financial status by doing labour somehow, other than the daily tasks of taking care of one's self and suroundings that I live in. There is a lot more talk about me in my community, the public pill popper at the pharmacy, it is a pubic display of mental health which should be held behind closed doors. Being a week after "Bell Lets Talk Day" for mental health, and the first day of Black History Month, why am I still paying the price for the colour of my mind in 2023, with the grey matter of my brain, as to schizophrenia brain analysis post mordom. This lonely fight against the system seems that has the end result of 4000 mental health suicides in Canada each year, of which 75 percent are men. They do drive people to think about suicide, it has happened to me in the past during long term care. I thought about it and wrote on the subject as a way out, somewhere between June 2013 and March 2014, from the mixed emotions of having no one, while locked away in psychiatry needing a way out. That is why people start opting for Doctor assisted suicide, when they can not bear living with their present condition/circumstance. Once again I sit by myself taking on the system, behind a keyboard looking for justice, as a Psychiatrist does me in with medication levels and side effects, while I strive to make a better life for myself. Why is it I always worked, paid taxes and took minimal medication, for the greater part of my life, even although the Psychiatrist was writing on Government paperwork that I was "unfit for work", to get me benefits. Now I am fit to work in some capacity by Provincial Government standards and the Psychiatrist does not like it. More medication makes it harder to work with side effects, what co-worker wants a person that over drools around them? Then with Valentines day coming up, one has to watch all the kissing commercials on TV, knowing and asking the question, who wants this mouth full of saliva?
Canadian health care is in the news, everyone is concerned with getting the money and manpower for health care, the Federal Justice Minister is speaking on medical assistance in dying, (MAID) Expansion of the Law would cover mental illness, how to make sure death is done right by the help of a Doctor. I know I am not hallucinating the news right now, where as the Psychiatrist says that I do. As a way out, the Justice Minister could be giving mental health consumers an answer, I am tired of fighting the Psychiatrists, who do not really know me or my needs. Otherwise I would not be in this mess that I am in, with being treated for media hallucinations that I do not have. Now with health care as a Canadian way of life, that is in a crisis to some degree, my Doctor is sending the Police after me to force me to take her perscription levels of a drug which I am opposed to. As she increased it for no good reason, doing what she wants with the power of the Courts. So off I will go with the Police, who know my water processing system from three different adresses of where I resided on the island of Montreal. They are Soldiers of the Courts and must follow orders, while being taken away I get to yap in the back of a Police cruiser for talk therapy. They know me better than the Psychiatrist does, we kind of trained each other in mental health over the years. More tax dollars being spent to do me in, while in the Police cruiser, I will see how they feel about the conflict of interest with my chemical treatment plan, I value their opinion. Even to the point of when they come to get me, I will show and ask them why it is so difficult for me to develope proto-types. Like my stethoscope probe for health and monitoring the likes of Police cruisers, through comparision studies of sound recordings by the probe for their Head Mechanic. I even approached the city bus system through emails, on the possibility of enhanced mechanical maintenance plan, through use of such a tool as the probe with recordings. Things take time in development phases, I have too many stumbling blocks along the way compared to other business people.
