Doc GM
Another month has rolled around, keeping busy is aiding me in maintaining a healthy, wealthy and wise life style. I am getting more of my health back processing my water through my tri-layers of filters. At this time it is hard to handle being alone with a lot of mental health issues. then again, I do have a sweet female voice that listens to me, getting through my sort of talk therapy with this wonderful female. There are a lot of good people out there, I have finally found one person that listens to me and I am growing with the experience, through getting good feed back. The feed back I give the Psychiatrist falls on deaf ears, I have more side effects, and asking why all the medication at this point in my life, I have expressed my concerns, and want to be treated on another drug of my choice.
One of my Nurse's from the CLSC passed by this morning, for a regular home visit as mental health follow up, I demonstrated my water filtering process and showed him the dirty filter wash solution, of vinager and my cleanest water. A lot of of the cotton does decompose and comes out in the filter wash, trapping other particals being washed out of the filter, in the boiling water solution with a measure of vinager. Seeing is believing what is being taken out of the water that I process. One Psychiatrist testified in Court that my filtering process was delusional, which it is not the case, I ended up getting done in to some degree by the Courts, out of the Psychiatrist's testimony against me. Like my Nurse said to me today, it is not in my character to harrass women, no one knows me to do it, the arrests were misjudgement of the law. I should never have ridiculed the Courts as a result of frustration being dragged through them so much. Why can there not be a round table discussion for a treatment plan with my Lawyer being present if need be, instead of the chemical treatment plan dictatorship by one Psychiatrist of my past, being followed through by a mutual relation to him, as my present Psychiatrist. I still get the same footprints of my last Psyciatrist's dictatorship over my care, with the power of the Courts.
I do not want to live with these medication levels of clozaril in me, I sit in the morning all rubbery and drools running off my lips. along with tremours. The Psychiatric Team I deal with does not care, they all get a pay cheques no matter what, while they more or less try to bop me off with medication. My present Psychiatrist only cares about my clozaril levels in my blood for her stupid experiment with a chemical treatment plan, with more side effects than I care to deal with, just take more pyschiatric drugs for the side effect solutions. The system is corrupt with the Psychiatrist's dictatorship of medication levels with the power to do as she wishes to me for the Courts, all to save her brother the Psychiatrist that testifid in Court against me. I have no one with the power to stop this demented psychiatric chemical trearment plan that does nothing but gives me side effects. Due to psychiatry saying I hallucinate radio, TV and street gossip around my art and engineering, I am forced to consume excessive medication levels. It is like I am a broken record constantly repeating myself, due to the fustration of a mental health life. There are something like 4500 mental health suicides per year in Canada and 75% are male, when I am totally fed up, I will end as a another psychiatric failure and statistic, committing suicide or pushing for "Medical Assistance In Dying". To be free of psychiatry for once and for all, to be free of their Doctor Death practice on me. Like my educated cousin said, "you can not tell a Psychiatrist any thing, they do not listen", my American Cousin is older and wiser than me and so correct and hits the right point home about Psychiatrists. I am a living example of a bullshit psychiatric chemical treatment plans, that does nothing but piss the patient off. I always worked and paid taxes while taking much less psychiatric medication, now the Psychiatrist increased medication levels to make it harder for me to live and work. If I work then all psychiatric patients are fit for some type of work, instead of "unfit to work", as Psychiatrists always wrote on Government paperwork around me to get my medical benefits. I worked anyway and claimed my work to welfare, my welfare Agent know it too. It is like my Psychiatrist wants to stop what I have achieved with my work record and quarterly financial claims of my company's income to my welfare Agent, when my life was doing better, my Psychiatrist increased medication thus hampering me with medication levels and side effects.
Here it is the middle of the afternoon and I am falling asleep, and I got to fight it like when a Psychiatrist burdened me with extra paramidal side effects with his chemical treatment plan. I was alone most of the time with Psychiatrists doing me in with their chemical treatment plan with no prescribed therapy. Instead of them trying to lighten the load of mental health, as a worker in this field of medicine, getting more therapists employed so someone popping their pills have something to do. I achieved all that on my own with my background and the education level I strived for. It would be so nice to speak to a Police Officer again in the back of their cruiser or in an ambulance, to hear the words once more "Iain, what is going on?" Then yap about my Psychiatrist and some street talk about the yahoo Psychiatrists, they deal with junkies too, and I know what talk I am hearing, with the Psychiatrist saying I hallucinate public gossip, radio and TV. Put two and two together how many times to say, something is not right with my drug treatment plan, I am living pretty good for hallucinating everything. Am I hallucinating the news segment on that stomach and intestinal bug going around, and spreading through hands that are not cleansed enough. I thought the problem was from my medication, now I am trying to get answers from the medical community from what I learned on the News hallucinating it, but I am disposable chop liver to the medical community as a schizo. The lower cast in society, and not suppose to succeed at anything, while Psychiatrists make sure of it with Court orders at tax payer's expense, with a select few lining their pockets with money at the expense of the schizo.
To make matters worse, clozaril induced adominal and intestinal pain can be common, I found evidance of the fact on the Internet with information out of Austraila. I found a report on the web how this complication can lead to death, and I am sitting here alone trying to get answers. Toatting the load with the monthly Court ordered antipsychotic injection, I pop pills like never before. I was given the chemical solutions the Nurse mixes from the pharmacy, all contained in a package deal to have a Nurse inject me for my monthly injection, as a compliment to the nightly popping of pills ritual for the Courts at the Pharmacy. I forgot, Psychiatrist say I fake symtoms, as stated in Court by a Psychiatrist. I am fed up with it and banging my head against the psychiatric stereo typical treatment plan.
Working between the Internet and the phone, I got an appointment for my upset stomach and intestinal track, with a Doctor at a local medical clinic tomorrow, how to kick mid week into gear through trying to solve medical issues, around medication and schiziphrenia. I asked my present Psychiatrist for a medication group for this type of situation, never materialized, just suffer alone too much. I really only have one person to converse with, when that comes around, outside of my meetings with fellow Christians.
The only time my phone rings is when psychiatry, or other medical appointments call. I got the call to get my antipsychotic injection for the Courts tomorrow, to save time and money I buy a 24 hr buspass, and it so happen that I get my injection and clozaril blood test in the morning, then go see a Doctor about my intestinal and stomach pain. Playing Doctor with the Internet, which they hate, perhaps my pain is induced by clozaril, but I am the idiot schizo with the medical complex of being an undesirable by Doctors, due to psychiatry and how feeling I am brushed off to easily, it is suppose to be a true feeling by a lot of people. I know too much and even testified in Court once for an Engineer and his Business Partner, just let me think of what all could have went on, with my experience in life, retaliation can come in many forms. One of my proto-type inventions using a product of the the two business partners, came out in Court at this time. The Judge protected my prot-type in Court, when it was mentioned. Why did psychiatry try and destroy me just before my 10th time giving blood to Hema Quebec? I have not given blood since before long term care, when I was processing water through my filters in another dwelling where I was residing at that time, psychiatry put an end to it.
Here with a sore stomach and intestinal track, I still have to make my way to the Pharmacy to pop pills, no mercy, just a stupid inhuman dictatorship of consuming chemicals to have a chemical in my blood to stop dophamine in my brain, and so what for the side effects and being unable to cope with the treatment plan, how many schizo's in Canada my age of 62, in the same bowl of go fish? How many people like me that are deemed one that hallucinates neighbourhood gossip, and under going media association as an hallucination, through feeling my art and engineering is being referred to in the media from some of my expoits in Canadian life.
Here I sit in God awful pain in my stomach and intestinal track, after taking my vitamins with breakfast. I am expected to march in this condition for my injection and blood test for clozaril levels, then go to a Doctor appointment for my gut pains. (My Nutse got the taxi paid both ways for the appointment) It just shows the cold hearted treatment plan of psychiatry, with no consideration for the patient in mental health. It took negociation to get the taxi, it is like I had to plead for the help. People that know me as a person, know I will not ask for things. Waiting for mental health to call me, like I left the message to the mental health clinic. If I was the Psychiatrist, the mental health team would do anything for me to accommidate whims and all. All I get out of psychiatry is "you are under a Court order". That is all psychiatry cares about, their stupid Court orders. They do not care about the patient, we just become a number and Court Docket or the belittering comment would never have been said to me. Like I do not know it that I am under a Court order. I am not the one in denial. Consuming 200 mg of clozaril every night with other pills induces after drip of urine when one urinates. Do they listen no! I am sick and tired of the after drip induced by psychiatric medication, mental health workers are in denial not me!!!! I solved the after drip problem somewhat, now it is back again with increased medication levels of clozaril.
Do I write the end result of my visit to the Doctor? Or slowly die emotionally at the hands of modern psychiatry 2023, in a grudge match? Clozaril and kidney problems are more common that one can think appairently! Now I can say I am a dying breed!! Oxford University Press warned me what happens to whistle blowers years ago, so I go down as the psychiatric Martyr in Canadian history that just wanted to work, and a Psychiatrist is putting an end to that!!! The Psychistrist put up my clozaril dosage, when I was doing more work. I do not know how many second generation antipsychotics I have been on, they have the tendancy to induce kidney problems, and I am feeling the brunt of it with side effects. Just waiting inline for a ultra-sound as an investigative tool for my symtoms of not feeling right with gut problems and not being able to get a good night sleep. The average age for a person with schizophrenia to live to is about 65 years of age, I am a bit scared for my health from this stupid chemical treatment plan, of marching to the pharmacy every night to be the public pill popper. I turn 63 this year and still have the Court order on me for another two years. What? Die marching back and forth from the Pharmacy popping pills every night, slowly doing myself in to statisfy the Courts and a Pyschiatrist.
It is amazing what I wrote under the pain of it all, alone to much like usual with my education and skill level, what could be saving me is filtering my water once again. My perscription for the stomach and intestinal track seems to be working. the constipation issue induced by antipsychotic medication has been present for a bit, it is not fun being alone with medical issues as one ages. I admit my kidney could be damaged, some of the symtoms are present, how do I escape the odds of long term use of antipsychotics and the Courts ?
On April 4th of next month, I have a Tribunal hearing as I just found out, the on going judicial system around me as a person with schizophrenia, while having my art and engineering to earn a living for making financial gains.When I was innocently arrested over my flirting with someone way back, whom I asked to be my Art Manager, it was the start of the harrassment alligations around me. I even had a art Curator in New York that was interested in my art work. I sent her an ink brush drawing to raise money for the charity of her choice, and pass me a cut of profit. I heard on TV how an American Senator for New York politics, mentioned money I am owed from that particular business deal over a piece of my art talent. I could be off the Provincial tax dollars of last resort income, if I got the financial rewards I am due from my art and engineering. Why can't I earn a living? Who is trying to stop me? Who is threatening who? I know something is not right!
I know a lot of stupidity passes my way, it is like I am good at inheriting other peoples problems, they are left on my door step for me to trip over so to write, and I can be a survivalist but at what costs ? I am gaining weight consuming my processed water and use it for both cooking food and drink with a daily protein shake, it gives me a bit of a work out, moving the 10 lbs bottles of water, while I have been tending to other sorts of writings and visual arts. Rumours float in my neighbourhood and the media feeds it just the same, why is it so hard for me to earn a bill or get female company ? It is out there that a shortage of clean O postive male blood type is creeping up on our blood banks, and I confess that I am clean O Positive blood. It has got too complicated along the way, chasing women from my youth and being denied that right somehow. It is always a conflict of interest or something stupid like that as I got older, it has been 18 years since I touched a woman, as to dating and all. I grew on my own for these past years with my Christian ways, while being the eccentric that I am with my mental health diagnosis.
I have given the mental health system a bashing over the years while on the Internet, like a theif in the scriptures laying a beating on an innocent victom and robbing them of their dignity, as they did to me. When I got over worked for no money on the job like medical staff go through, like any other person, one starts hating certain aspects of their work, as to dealing with me the problem child in mental health. Then things go wrong with a mess of confusion, as in my life, does the Judge that okayed this treatment plan of mine, know I visit the Pharmacey every day to be the public spectacule for the Courts? The handicap business person that I am, with a Court record that I still have to deal with, serves no justice in myself trying to get a head in life, while I am a political hot potatoe on Provincial meager budget.
On my alotment of a budget, I lashed out a fare bit at society as well, I learned off psychiatry bashing them for not having the time to listen, due to what went on around my life, it is like I am the last to find out everything. Now information from the past is coming out from Government on me, in the capacity that I served my country. I am a news buff, and know some of the politics of the day, which I do not hallucinate. I have a past that if I told Psychiatrists some things from the cold war, they would not believe me like usual, which I know is the result, so I never yapped about some things from my past, but the Canadian Government now is.
A Mountain Sunset
In my own way I moved a mountain, people are talking with concern about what is going on in Canadian mental health, this was some afternoon creativity with mountainous thoughts coming forth from studying a piece of art. Twelve planted trees symbolic of something I wrote about, "The Twelve Astrological Women"
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A Red Red Rose
Inspiration for art comes in many forms, I once had a book on how to draw, paint, and sketch roses. It went into a Bailiff's container unjustly, with all the rest of my worldly property of company invoices, tools and all from that time and place.
Above Is A Fellow Artist Under The Name "King Shadrock" With His Message In Visual & Song Which I Believe In
Below Is My Rattle Video That I Jut Put Together
Human kind has evolved since I entered mental health during 1984, in another Province other than Quebec. I feel the system has changed, for it has a lot to be desired still. The time has come for society to be able to protect themselves from the rare violent mental health consumer or a person with a disturbed mind. The resources have to be put in place such that dangerous predators, do not get their hands on weapons of any kind, people have to be able to prevent violent acts from tail-tell signs a head of time, which would be early warnings signs of a dangerous troubled mind.
