My Window Of Psychiatry Has Dark Blury Leaves In It As My New Psychiatrist Is a Complete Asshole That Says I Hallucinate TV And That There Is Nothing Wrong With Me And I Should Get A Job While Threatening To Put Me Back In Hospital

When ever I sent the Media personality that got me arrested an email or art and music she put in plugs for me which everyone wants to say I hallucinated. On Court papers she said she just ignored my fan mail and I am being done in for it. So now I am contempt of Court because I never got my injection yesterday so the Doctor is going to send the Police after me to have me put away again.Of course everyone will back their beloved media personality and I will get done in as is what is happening now.I am used to be put away from standing up for the National Building Code against gyprock over plaster installations.I suppose I am hallucinating the three sister Chefs that are on Canada AM just now.I did ask the media personality to be my art manager to help me over come slander and find away out of poverty by Canadian standards. I left messages at the hospital and they have not called me back yet, guess they are too busy getting a Court Order to have me put away in a psychiatric ward! I once emailed a DJ on the radion station I listen to, and wrote, if I hallucibate the TV do I hallucinate you to, we are yet to talk about like she refered.......Great life trying to figure out if you hallucinate radio and TV when that is all you more or less have, it is rather discomforting. Ones mind plays tricks on them in the due process and one is left with a billion questions and nobody there to answer them.It is now Oct 2nd and I was at the emergency department at the hospital yesterday for severe extra paranormal side effects that I am suffering from from the Court ordered injections I recieve, right now I could be going through withdrawl from the injection according to the Doctor I saw in emergency, I have lost weight because the muscle contractions affect my stomach and mouth and I find it hard to eat, in actual fact it is hard to do anything. I have to lie down and close my eyes to make the contractions stop so I get nothing done. This whole affair is so stupid and should never have happen. All I wanted was to succeed at being an artist with some media attention around my work, I never sent any thing demeaning or perverted, my luck peole would impersonate me and sent crap to her under my name. Come to think of it, when my lawyer was flipping through the file I saw something I did not send, and the file was rather thick for what I actually did send. I did phone and left messages twice looking for answers when my Psychiatry said I was hallucinating the plugs for me for when I sent samples of my work, I was rather stressed out with what my Psychiatrist did to me accusing me of hallucinating everything. In my case the stigma of pyschiatry is two fold!! I have no place to turn but my blog and these circumstances have seemed to make the radio but my Psychiatrist will say that I am hallucinating that too. I was not even given a warning not to communicate with her before being arrested. All I want is for the muscle contractions to stop and work out to get my weight back.

Fall Colours Are Starting On The Maple Trees As Canadians Work Their Way Through September And As I Handle The Extra Paramidal Side Effects
As it turns out the Court Ordered injections of anti psychoticmedication really hamper me with the EPSE and my new attending Psychiatrist is trying to rectify the problem with adjusting the dosage and the time span between injections. Right now I get the injection every three weeks and the Doctor reduced the dosage by one third, but I still have bad bouts of the EPSE for two weeks but seem to be OK during the third week where I can function without the EPSE. This is when I get things done around the apartment. It seems like when I have the EPSE if I lie down and close my eyes it stops the EPSE and I just lie in my bed listening to the radio. As fall is coming upon us this week and being the third week after my last injection I have picked up the guitar and have been practicing again. I have not really done any art but I am ancious to paint a canvas again but it is like my big statement, where do I put it or what do I do with it. I have missed painting on canvas the last while and I have several art designs on my mind to do. I got out last Friday with my camera and finished off my roll of black and white film while walking along the canal on the bike path with an old friend who always stood me and encouraged my artistic talent. The only real problem with me doing black and white photography is the cost of the development, around $30 Canadian to develope a roll of 24 images. This is a chunk of money out of my budget but thanks to my Mum giving me left overs from her kitchen along with visiting Mum for meals I do not bad. It will soon be DEcember before I know it and that would make a year since Dad pasted away from lung cancer at 85 years old. I started this post before the evening News with the image and the caption in bold lettering and thought that I would write in the morning, but I could not sleep so I got up and starting writing my post. Having missed the last two sessions of music therapy at the hospital due to the EPSE being so bad I am looking forward to this group session on this coming Wednesday. I am really fed up with the EPSE cramping my style and activities, I am due for another injection on the 27 of this month and want to go on the pills instead of the injections, that will be a hell raiser to work out with the hospital staff and the Courts, then before I know it, December will be on us and back to another Tribunal hearing for following up after getting arested for trying to charm a woman and getting nailed for harassment charges. I still spend most of my time by myself except when I get together with my Mother. I do not attend the art group at the hospital this semester, mainly due to trying to sort through the EPSE and being able to function without the involuntary muscle contrations that make the EPSE, it is hard enough trying to be a regular at the music group. Here it is coming up four o'clock in the morning so I am going to try and get some sleep.

Some People Never Learn, Funny How Expensive It Can Get Trying To Sabotage Me

It has been a hell of a night going through some deception and crap, more or less people making my life difficult. Then again it is pay day today and I am going to make the best of it. The title of this image is "Confucius Confusion", like the stupid idiots making my life awkward and steeling from me. When looking for a piece of my memorabilia late this evening, and it seems to have disappeared from my apartment. I was looking at it a couple of months ago, some associates of mine are smoking due to the fact that I can not find it. Apparently it is in good hands, when idiot thieves stole it, they got busted, and a Court delegated care taker of my stolen property has it. Like a lot of my stuff over the years, things have disappeared, but always ended up in good hands for safe keeping while I did my "Hound Dogging" stuff for my Country and Flag, sniffing out the bull crap that was sabotaging my life and Government tax dollars that I tried to generate through my self employment or on the pay roll of a company. My Lawyer is handling a lot of law suits for me, some people never learn, then they lose everything in law suits due to messing with my life and company. Be it a lesson, it is going to cost you a lot of money trying to stop me from succeeding and getting out of a low income bracket, and doing what I want to do for my fellow Country men/women with art and engineering. Apparently the Troops in our Military want me to get a piece of art up on the Internet again, it was a piece of art they really appreciated. I will get to it, now that I got my computer fixed up and all. I do have my fan club that gets messages to me while my team tries to rectify the hacking into my email account and deleting of my messages. I know people that sent me messages, that I never got, so who is fooling who.......till later, the Doctor is now out to do a patrol as a Hound Dog.

It Has Been over a Month Since I Wrote, A Lot Has Transpired With The Start Of School Again

Well here I am finally getting to write my blog again since the start of September, it has been a long haul. The run around to my Court case became a real f'nnn joke! My Lawyer must of thought I was a real nut case or something, it took me a while to figure it out with some of my close media friends. They influenced me not to plead guilty, one special person in the media once said that I would figure it out, yea and I did, the night before appearing in Court to cop a plead with my Lawyer at my side. After the evening media comments about me and Court I phoned my Lawyer at midnight complaining of the lack of a media Lawyer, he was not too impressed again. Not being able to sleep I had my thinking cap on during the night. Then I remembered seeing a piece of paper when my Lawyer was flipping through the file, it had scribbles on it that was not of professional standards of the Courts, and was not sent by me to the person that has me in Court, for it was among items that that I actually did send the media personality. Still figuring about things I remembered that the media personality once said on air she want to meet the really Doctor Goober Mickeal, the conclusion was who is sending this smut mail or something to someone in the media signing my name. My Lawyer got his early morning wake up call from me, and I told him, "You must take me for a really nut case, I remember seeing a paper in the file that I did not send, let me see the evidence, and I will tell you what I sent and which is not mine from finger prints and hand writing analysis. My Lawyer said, "OK, we got to trial" As it turns out in Court the following morning, there are all these people being prosecuted for impersonating me somehow, thanks to their finger prints, talk about 3 and 4 making a lucky 7. I am due back in Court on April Fools day 2009, who is fooling who!!! All this came to pass at the end of September while in University and the hospital programs, while not knowing what to write until I passed through Court. School work and planning , socializing with another Artist to do an art show has kept me busy, and here I am finally getting time to write about it all. (Taking a small break, will finish posting tomorrow) Here I am finally getting back to finishing my post on Sunday! I ended up taking a theology class at Concordia University. It is proving to be very interesting, I am learning how to think a bit more like a Theologian compared to thinking like an Engineering Technician, and it is challenging! The image in this posting is a photo of my text and notes etc, the course has given me a lot to think about how God has interacted with us humans over history serving his purpose and instrumenting his Law over the people. I always found my special way to pray, and always felt God worked in my life in mysterious ways, he has carried me through a lot during my years in the mental health system, and he has found a special place in my heart. Studying theology has enriched me personally in the past, as it is doing in the present this semester in University. I am still producing different pieces of art in the art group at the hospital, thanks to the inspiration of our Adult Educator, she always has a new project to stimulate our creativity, it is fantastic! The music group is really good too, we have a good group like usual and I even got to play my guitar competently with other musicians for the first time. I am most often playing my guitar by myself, but found it really inspirational playing along side other musicians. So like usual, I keep plugging away in the arts and University, trying to get out of the poverty that the mental health system stricken me with.

End Of The Semester At Concordia University, Gets Me In A Reflective Mood and Doing Some Art

Just getting around to starting another blog posting, based on the end of the semester at University. My crazy life, I did the surrealist type sketch in charcoal sitting at Java U coffee shop on the terrasse, not far from the University campus, the sky line was my inspiration. (Will get back to this post tomorrow night, it getting late, at least I got motivated to start my post) Well here it is the 19th of April and finally getting back to my blog posting. I have been feeling down in the dumbs with my isolation, I spend too much time alone and it can affect me emotionally. I really enjoyed the last semester in school and doing my term paper. At least I learned something about surrealism in Canada, it proved to be interesting research, yea, what surrealism in Canada, it never really kicked off here. With doing the research paper, I learned that I am very much an "Automatiste" as Artists put it during Refus Global. The charcoal sketch shown in this post came very automatically with very little thought put into it, stemming somewhere from the subconscious and done very quickly. Symbolic in certain ways, between the doctrine of science in University and my own theological thought with my Shaman ways, as they are in conflict as I am first to admit. The squashed beer can on nature, well I can drink a fair bit of beer in my isolation and University life quells my drinking habits some with having something to produce for and getting feed back on, like the papers I hand in. I even laugh at myself with my art, it is like a male cloud of intellect probing a female cloud spirituality of the Church, like my sexual frustration with growing old alone. This type of automatic art comes out a lot in my art work, or am I looking too much into it. I have seen this type of thing in other pieces of my art and I can only laugh. I tend to wonder what an Art Therapist would comment about the piece of art, it was done very quickly as a true "Automatiste" from the subconscious that the Canadian Artist Paul Emile Borduas would possibly be proud of . A basic start of a work of art will come to me and as I work through it, it is like something is telling me what to produce without me thinking much about it, very much how I learned during the last fall semester in school, that I can be a very automatic writer when doing poetry or creative writing. I question if it is part of the hyper active thinking process of the person with schizophrenia coming to light, at least it is a productive way to deal with it. I remember when I had a lot more medication in me when I was younger, my hand would not even do what my brain wanted it to do when I attempted art. I really had to force myself to produce, now I feel grateful that I can take a limited amount of medication and be free flowing in the creative arts or what ever task I take upon myself. Being in school has helped me grow in my artistic endeavors as I learn more about the arts and Artists that proceeded me and what they stood for. It is like one can not re-invent the wheel in art, someone has been there before you exploring this wonderful aspect of life. I am looking forward to the next fall and winter semester in school, I plan to take a course in psychology to help me psychoanalysis my Nurse and Psychiatrist better, while perhaps gaining further insight into myself.

To see more art of mine link to: web site no longer exsists

I Am Doing A Research Paper On Surrealism in Canadian Art History For My University Class And I Learned About My Own Early Art

Here I am coming up the end of the semester in school and I am behind in my commitment in making regular blog postings, so I though I would take a break from my paper and get my blog posting up. Funny how when I first started painting, I was working as a trades person here in Montreal, and here is one of my first painting in a surrealist style, it came from the "magical" way of spiritual freedom of Paul Emile Borduas (The French Canadian Artist behind the Refus Global Manifesto), the magic of my apparition/hallucination from my schizophrenia. This painting on wood was done after having the apparition/hallucination at the bottom of my bed before going to sleep one night, the metaphysical coming to me in my pre-sleep state, I can fall asleep meditating to them some times. All is there in several pieces of art, including the severed body parts that are found in the foundations of surrealism. The metaphysical and creativity is the way I am evolving and always have, it is just what name do you put on schizophrenia, why don't they call us apprentice Metaphysicians. I make my life as I learn in school about the arts, while hospitalized I spent a fair bit of time in the Hospital medical library.

A lot of my first pieces of art are of surrealist direction by definition. Other pieces of my art, that are a form of surrealism, can be viewed in the "Out There" Magazine on the Ami Quebec's website located at , link no longer exsists . I knew nothing about art when I started painting on my own, I called myself an Outsider Artist, I drifted to Urban Outsider Artist as I found myself caught up in city scape as an apartment dweller. Now I am taking a hard look at the direction for my art, I do write surrealist type poetry as well, my very own foundations of my apparition/hallucination metaphysical state assists me to create. It has also helped me on the job in the engineering field as some sort of metaphysical engineer, I do have a versatile background. The severed hand of early surrealism is found on my family crest from Scotland which is older that the surrealist movement in Europe post WWI. What were the Surrealist searching for in there artistic vision, the metaphysical, I found it in my schizophrenia and art. Funny little musing, there is the skull of John the Baptist, the hand of one Saint and the ankle of another Saint buried in the Catacombs of the Vatican, were Surrealists reaching for a metaphysical grave of sort for creative insight.

Art Group At Montreal General Hospital, Is Having A Christmas Art Sale, To Help Raise Funds For Art Group And Putting Some Money Into Psychiatric Out Patients' Pockets

The Animatrise of the Art Group at the Hospital has organised for us out patients to have a table to sell some art for pre-Christmas. We have made Christmas cards along with some Christmas tree decorations. Some of us have some of our own art to sell as well. The Animatrise that runs the Art Group puts a lot of work and effort into our group and she wants to see some of us learn the ropes with selling art and put back into the Art Group. As host of the sale, the Animatrise will get 25% of the total sales, to put money back into the pocket of the Hospital to pay for art supplies during the semester. We only have a small group of patients in the Art Group and we do not have a whole lot of stock to sell, of course part of the problem is the Animatrise having a lack of resources and dedicated out patients to produce art for the Christmas table. Things always take time and building the Art Group has been a constant struggle for the Animatrise. At times I was the only patient she had attending Group but the numbers slowly grew in attendance as out patients became aware of the class at the Hospital. It is surprising hope much talent is actually out there in the Mental Health System and more has to be done to get these patients involved in structured art programs so that they can produce under guidance to learn what is involved in being an Artist trying to make a buck at at. Rumour around the Hospital is such that, Employees intend to supportive of the Christmas card and art sale at our table. Our Animatrise really needs some returns on host of the sale to put much needed money back into the system for art supplies for fellow patients. Last year, I gave the Animatrise about $25.00 from Christmas card sales, her 25% as curator of the table. This year I am a bit more prepared and have miniature clay mandelas along with art done in different mediums. Some of the art was done in group while some of it was done on my own at home. Hopefully we will have a good day selling our wares and the Art Group will get some money put back into it with support from Hospital Staff and the general public. Hope to see you there at the Hospital table sale, for the locals that read my blog and I thank the Hospital Staff and the Animatrise for their support throughout the year as we prepared for this occasion.

I Am Going Back To Concordia University September 2007

It has been quite sometime since I studied at the University level, this September I will be returning to school after having not been in University for years. When I first came back to Montreal back in 1985, I took a couple of courses at the University level while I was finding a new direction to my life. I first enrolled in Concordia University's English Literature program back in '85 before I took other courses in the Engineering field at the CEGEP level in Quebec, Canada. Now that I more or less left working as a trade person to earn a living, while pursuing my artistic endeavors, I decided to return to school to enhance my educational back ground in the arts. This fall semester I will be taking a creative poetry course to strenghten my writing skills around poetry and I plan to take another course during the Winter semester as well. I started saving money from my monthly disability allowance to prepare for going back to school. During this time period that I was saving my money, I came across information that the Schizophrenia Society of Canada was giving out bursaries to persons with schizophrenia to return to school. Taking the bull by the horns I tracked down the Schizophrenia Society of Canada on the Internet and got them to send me the bursary application. After much ado with the application, along with getting my Psychiatrist to fill out her section of the application, I faxed it off before the dead line and waited for the response. By the end of July 2007 I got my bursary cheque in the mail and all is set to return to school this coming September. The bursary will cover the cost of a course and books during the fall 2007 and winter semester of 2008 and it gives me time to prepare for my schooling come September 2008. I started with taking one course this fall to help me get back into the grind of studying again and evaluating how I do in school. I am really looking forward to starting school and learning again for I felt that I was stagnating a bit while on disability pension. I lacked my mental challenge that work used to give me, hopefully being in school at the University level will give back the every day challenge that I miss. Grant you I am only in school one evening a week but to produce and get good grades will be a challenge all the same. The social structure of interacting with other students will also be good for me, for I do spend too much time by myself. The summer will soon be coming to a close and it is back to the grind after Labour Day weekend. The Art Group at the Hospital will be starting up again after Labour Day as well, I was only off from my music group at the hospital for the month of July with the Music Therapist being on vacation. So as it goes I continue to forge out a career for myself in the arts with skill development. The music lessons at the Hospital, the Hospital Art Group and returning to school all lead to me bettering myself in the arts so that I can improve my artistic capabilities so that I can make something of my life again through the arts.

My Mother Got Art and A Personal Poem Put with it For Framing This

Mother's Day

Having to watch my budget more living by myself, I created art and put words of gratitude together for my most deserving Mother. She was always was there for me in my youth, while in College and during my adult life dealing with my schizophrenia. I would like to share my words for my Mother as an example of many a Mum of a person with schizophrenia.

You Are Such A Deserving Mother

Let me count the ways you Mothered me!

You brought me into this World,

then prayed over my troubled start,

you kept me fed with a booby too!

Reared me to get off to school with a lunch box in hand,

you patched my clothes and sowed buttons here and there,

and I could always weasel pocket money out of you!

Then I went to train in a Government College,

you always sent me letters and care packages too,

you came to my graduation and no doubt cried with pride!

I found my way to serve my Country,

as an effective "schizo man" too!

You still Mother me like you used to,

with care packages and a twoony or two,

your prayers are still with me,

and you are the answer to my prayers,

being the Mother that you are!

My Mother has been there for me in so many uncounted ways over the years that I dealt with my schizophrenia, she is sill there for me in bountiful ways and I just wanted to give her this tribute along with all the other Moms, especially of persons with schizophrenia! Note, a twoony is a nick name for a Canadian two dollar coin.

Doc GM's Political Messenger Vol IV Edition I

Added Government Money Helps Me Invest In My Art And Get Out And Around Montreal Doing Things

Here I am starting the New Year off having a grand old time with having a bit more money in my pocket, thanks to the Quebec Provincial laws regarding minimum financial level for Mental

Health Consumers with Government money. So with the added boost to my monthly financial income between Quebec Government benefits through Emploi et Solidarite sociale and my dis-ability pension, it is like a close friend said to me, "now you have more disposable income than me". That is thanks to sharing a dwelling with my ex girl friend and her child, I have no children of my own and sleep in my own room, so I am considered single and sharing with other low income persons for a cost effective living arrangements for our individual income, as the child is of age with her own financial resources. With always being good with money while trying to rise to higher income brackets, I now now find myself investing in my art in various ways. The painting that I am working "MILTA'S Accension" on got some money put into it, never mine dating a woman being expensive, it turned out being expensive painting women. When I was buying the paint for my painting I also bought a quality 9"x12" sketch pad with a creamy manila tone to it. It was a step up from a Dollar Store sketch pad of the same dimensions, the quality sketch pad cost me around $10.00 Cdn for 24 sheets. I usually carry my art bag wherever I go in and around Montreal, just in case I come across something I want to sketch or have the opportunity to sell a piece of art in my portfolio through having people look through it. Friday night past, I went to the hockey game at the University. It was a bit of a sentimental match for me, that I got invited to through a new friend I got to know by way of an art show I was part of. So there I was off to my first University hockey game trying to cheer for one of the two local Universities that are dear to my heart. I had studied Writing and Theology for a bit for something to do when I return to Montreal as a Mental Health Consumer 22 years ago, being part of Concordia University at this time really curbed my mind for my benefit all those years ago, while coping with being newly diagnosed with schizophrenia. At the game my psychiatric heart went with rooting for McGill University due to dealing with them for most medical issues such as my schizophrenia. It was my first time at the University Arena and I was lead to the pick and chose seats by those that invited me along. It made for an excellent evening of hockey and art! It was not long into the game and I broke out my sketch pad to tried my hand at drawing the live model of a hockey player in action while rooting for McGill whose home game it was. Where we sat in the arena, I was closer to the McGill goalie's end of the rink for the start of the game, so he became my first live hockey subject. I pretty well got the sketch of McGills back up goalie #29, Jean-Michel Filiatrault done during the first and third period. A lot more rooting was done by me during the second period! I really got involved in the action, in this game, McGill's extra hussling paid off with a 7 to 2 victory. I humoured myself that Concordia played as if they were hung over from the night before or something, they did not have the hussle of McGill. I know what it is like playing hockey hung over in College, Concordia gave that amusing feel. With the two Montreal Universities playing against each other, the house was packed, I caught my supper at the game which started at 7 o'clock, my supper consisted of cold hot dogs and warm Coke which brought back memories of my youth. Even when I got to the counter to be served in the concession stand, I had to wait due to letting the hot dog cook some because they were dishing up so many. I was even impressed how tips from food service and beer sales go to the environment which I feel deeply about supporting. After I sketched what ended up the winning goalie for a bit, I had bought myself a glass of beer and gave to the environmental cause again while quenching my thirst. I ending up feeling for myself with seeing a father and young son sitting beside me, with having no children at my age it hurts a bit with envy that I never fathered a child, you grow up in ways through being a parent, I still long for this experience. For now my art is my baby and I figured I would try and sell my poise of the McGill back up goalie to raise money for Canada's Olympic Team for the Vancouver's Winter Olympics as a Canadian Band is doing by giving proceeds to our Team through a 50 cent donation from each CD sale of their new album. We all can do more to help our Olympic Team bring home more medals to Canada, I know what it takes me in food to build my body to high muscular standards with endurance capabilities. If any one is interested in viewing my sketch with intent to purchase to cover my limited art expense and raise money for Canada's Olympic Team, you can e-mail me at docgmcreations@hotmail.com So some art came out of the game along with excellent low cost live hockey entertainment, it was good to get out and do something again and I will be going back to see next Saturday's home game against the University of Ottawa with sketch bag in hand for more art in true Canadian hockey style.

As The Year Of 2006 Comes To An End, I Find Myself Comfortable With My Position In Life, While Being Part Of The Canadian Mental Health System

Like everyone says, the older you get the faster time flies, the year pasted quickly and I had several accomplishments in the arts and personally. As I have taken my pursuit of the arts more seriously, while on dis-ability pension, I have made a little bit of money at it and had been part of my first larger group art show at a local Museum. Besides selling more than one piece of art work through out the year, I got to sell my own design of Greeting Cards at the hospital through Birks house Artists. Staff Members in Psychiatry were very supportive of me pursuing the arts and I made money for myself, the art group, a local charity and something going towards a homeless man that I am friendly with. Through the Adult Educator at the art group, I will be possibly part of animated work shops at the Museum des Beaux-Arts de Montreal through Jewish Family Services mental health programs. It was something very special to me, having been part of the spring art show at the Museum in 2006, it was the one event that really made me feel like an Artist. I think it had something to do with smoozing over my creations with a glass of wine in my hand, it had a feel to it that many an Artist has felt before me, I am slated for being part of another session and show at the Museum starting in the New Year, thus anticipating the experience again. I am also re-discovering photography through taking black and photographs with my camera. It is a new and exciting challenge as I have a way of capturing neat shots on film, shooting black and white film has given me a new direction in photography that a life time can be spent mastering. I was also part of a pre-Christmas expo/sale for a fund raiser towards charitable cause, I did not sell any thing, but the Curator made for another good contact in the arts and I am preparing for another one of her shows in February. Music wise, I plugged away at my guitar lessons and practicing, I have even started to work with training my voice to sing while playing. I am presently working at singing three songs while strumming out the cords on my guitar, along with getting into playing more instrumental bluesy jazz and learning finger picking techniques. Even my room mate says my guitar playing has come a long way and she is amused how I can actually use my voice a bit. I was proud of the little singing and playing I did for my parents at Christmas, their words of encouragement were precious to me, my hard work in music is given me something more workable for putting an art show together with my own visual and auditory creations. I even have a knack for playing haunting songs on my recorder, I have three of them and take to playing them every now and again. I have one song I play from a song sheet for the recorder along with creating pieces. I am also getting a pretty good handle on banging out drum beats on my goat skinned drum to practice playing guitar to. I make the recording and develop the skill in keeping time to my own pre-reordered drum beat. It has all made for an enjoyable challenge. After being single for a year and still living with my old girl friend due to economic reasons, I ended up getting additional income from the Provincial Government to assist with my dis-ability pension. This came through at year end to make for a better budget for investing in my art and personal needs, along with figuring I could start paying off a couple of bills from when I was struggling financially, when falling through the cracks in the system during the recent past. I always felt the impact of surviving in a low income bracket while being diagnosed with schizophrenia, at least I see a way out of it through the arts. It never took much to make me happy and I find myself content developing skills in the arts while working part time cleaning and maintaining a small office building self employed with my company. My company does not make enough to provide economic freedom but it has the potential to do so, that is why I got the extra Government benefits to help with my dis-ability pension. While applying for the extra money and medication insurance plan, my company went through a complete Government audit of income and expenditures. I make for a pretty good number cruncher, the Government Agent responsible for reviewing my income and receipts for operation told me, I did an excellent job with my book keeping and she only wished more people had their paper work in such a orderly fashion, thus she told me to keep up the good work! It made me feel quite proud again at year end, at least my company books are acceptable to the Government with limited explanation. I actually have money in the bank in my commercial account at year end and looking for continued business success in the New Year. I enjoy the freedom of self employment while trying to get out of poverty and make something of myself again, this time around as an Artist and Writer of schizophrenic issues. Medical wise, I came to year end with the camera up the butt again in colonoscopy. I am a regular pallup factory according to the Doctor. He had to remove twelve small ones this December. Once again they were not cancerous and I am still working on solving constipation problems from the medication. A good diet to solve this problem can be expensive, certain foods do rectify my constipation and I am trying to consume a balance of these foods, the constipation can be what is causing the pallups. I will be back registering for the Doctor's handy cam next year again come fall to a get booking for my year end inspection for health reasons. I think I have started to put on a bit of muscle again, it is about time, I think I should started doing my sit ups and push ups again. I had stopped when I under went severe Extra Pyramidal Side Effects in the spring and early summer of this year. I only get a small tinge of an attack every now and again while continuing under the schizophrenia research at McGill Medical Services here in Montreal. Regarding relationships with women, I created a three headed Mermaid in my head to keep me on my toes. Just something to grow with as I send so much time alone. The foundation behind my three headed Mermaid is a compilation of a woman from my past, one from the present that gives me a lot to thing about, while the third one is influential in making my future. It is all symbolic of characters to help me create in the arts. I started a painting through my cousin's influence on the subject. The first painting that I am presently working on is called "MILTA'S Accension", MILTA is the Mermaid's name! It keeps me dreaming of one day meeting someone and falling in love again. So my life is not bad for a single man at 46, I still have dreams and things to master and concour, it is like a "Battle of Evermore" to succeed against all odds, as one person once put it to me.

A Reporter Did An Article On Me As An Urban Outsider Artist With Schizophrenia, Thus I Made The Montreal "Mirror" In Their Publication

As a struggling Artist that have defined myself as an Urban Outsider Artist with schizophrenia, I am proud to say that I had an article done on me by a reporter from the Montreal Mirror, it was quite the experience being interviewed and photographed! Small mercies come in mysterious ways as I have learned in my life, I was taking my cigarette break on the front steps of the building where I have a cleaning and maintenance contract for my company, a stranger asking for a light for his own cigarette really lite up my life. (Do not smoke like us, cigarettes are health hazards) Chris Barry, the reporter from the Montreal Mirror, was walking by in front of the building where I work, I had taken my smoke break at the right time! After firing up his cigarette for him, I told him I had something else for him as well. I reached into my inner pocket and took out my Loto Quebec folder, which I use for my own purpose, as a carry case for the book marks I distribute promoting my Internet presence and I gave him one of my book marks. After smoozing for a bit, he identified himself and told me he would like to do an article on me for the Mirror. The result was instilled thrill in me, the Mirror is an up and up publication that covers a fair bit of the art World here in Montreal. Chris does an article on different Montrealers every week, since he wrote about me, I started to be a regular reader of his article and the paper on the whole. I guess I used to brush through the paper too easily and miss a lot of good content, all these Montrealers with a cause or something, that I could have know about if I had just read more of the Mirror in the past. Here is the link to the article that Chris did on me, it was a different way of coming out of the closet with my schizophrenic issues.

http://www.montrealmirror.com/2006/110906/people.html

Back To More Guitar Lessons & Planning Art Strategies With Other Artists, As September Ends The Art Filled Summer

It proved to be a creative summer playing my guitar and doing the visual arts in sketching and photography. A friend of mine and myself used to get together a fare number of times each month during the summer to be creative with the guitar and pencil with paper through sketching out door scenes around Montreal. I even got out of the city for a weekend, to my 25 year class reunion from the Canadian Coast Guard College. I took it upon myself to prepare for the get together, by practicing to have a few beers again and still sound half decent on guitar, for around the fire pit on the farm where we have been meeting in Ontario. It was really good seeing some of the people that I went to College with, we ended up being quite the united class for moral support for each other, after we got through being the brunt of dorm pranks on each other in first year. That same moral support was there at the reunion for me with my plight to succeed as an sort of Urban Outsider Artist that has the schizophrenia diagnoses as an individual. Playing the guitar at the fire pit on the Saturday night was the first real taste of entertaining with my guitar. The experience put my sense of drive to succeed as an Artist into a super charged turbo drive sort of frame of mind. By applying the two form of the arts together I created a wordpad document with writing, along with a still image and a sound track in sound wave. I always wanted to put some of my guitar playing to a piece of art in the form of a painting or drawing, my enhanced personal drive got me around to doing it. Apparently I should get "Power Point" ,to put my sound track to still pictures as a document, this way it can not be altered as in Wordpad. When ever one goes to do something around the arts there is always an added expense somewhere, now I have to look into getting Power Point software to work with. Perhaps I will be able to learn more about it through my sessions with the Music Therapist at the Hospital. We have a new Therapist to work with us now, he is young and has experience in the digital age for music. Arrangements have been made for me to start music therapy sessions, I always get some new insight into playing music out of it. With the varying array of instruments available in the music therapy sessions, one always gets a new sound to work with during spouts of creativity. The guitar lessons are given over and above the regular music therapy sessions, I built my song book which I play from, through getting score sheets off the old Music Therapist that used to work at the Hospital. I should be starting with the new Music Therapist next week, then the art group that I am part of at the Hospital starts meeting again as well. Here too, we are getting a new Animator to over see our group to keep it in a productive direction. The School Board switched our old Animator to another position in the Mental Health System, he did make the art group a success from when we started meeting together, after three years together I believe, we were part of an art show at the Musee des Beaux-Art de Montreal. I was very proud of the works of art I created for this art show we did, as we all were of of works of art. I have even been offered money for some of the art I did for the show but I can not break up the set of seven works of art as a series. I have them packaged and stored here at home for now, I put one piece up on the Birks House Artists website on "Other Art" page , site located at: http://www.freewebs.com/birkshouseartists

During the summer I ended up getting a commission for doing a clay sculpture for someone, it will be the third peice I have sold besides greeting cards. It would be nice if we got an art show somewhere else, through the new Animator of the art group, as we strive to be in shows around the city. Finding that time really flies as I pursue the arts on my own, I am looking forward to inter-relating with more artists this session, I find new directions in the arts through bouncing off other Artists and experimenting in different ways. Between learning more on guitar through lessons and continuation of attending the art group this fall, I intend to take the challenge of the arts with a vigor through my natural creativity. Readers can view other art work of mine on my own website located at: http://www.angelfire.com/folk/docgmcreations , good viewing and enjoy.

Finding My Way With My Life Again While Pursuing My Art & Music For Its Therapeutic Value

It has been a couple of week now since I have made a post, my life is slowing returning to a productive routine like prior to my hospitalzation and struggles with extra pyramidal side effects. Finding myself with being in a reflective mood, regarding all that has transpired the last eight years during a relationship with my ex-common law, I chose to pursue my artistic endeavors for future plans. Hoping may be something will come out of it. As a person carrying the diagnoses of schizophrenia, I always tried to hold down a job putting my tools of the trade to work with competence. I had a good job when I met the last woman (Ex) that I fell in love with, everything seemed to go wrong after the industrial explosion at that place of employment. It was a mind blowing experience all the way!!! Just before the explosion at the factory, I was picking up some tools or something in the machine shop and stopped to chat with one of the machinists at work on a surface grinder. We chatted for a bit, then I said, "Well I better get a move on and get some work done before the Boss comes around". So I headed out off the machine shop, through the door into the factory, with a right turn to go through another part of the factory, I walked a small way and took a loading dock door to go outside heading to the place where I was working in the North section of the plant past the office. I was not long outside when there was a large bang with an explosion, smoke started coming out from everywhere, with being one of the factory's electromechanics, I started to return into the factory to investigate as production workers started steaming out coughing and gasping for air. I forget how things got organized, the machine shop wall and door I had just walked through earlier had crumbled with the blast of the explosion, we were finding each other and getting flash lights and fire extinguishers to go look for others closer to the blast. I was soon part of a small team fighting the fires and looking for injured men in the rubble. The plant Engineer and Owner were in close proximity of the blast and were carried outside injured. The electromechanics teamed together to control the fires and shut off the electricity. Soon everyone was accounted for and we pulled out of the smokey haze that made the air thick. The Firemen had arrived by the time we came out, they were preparing to enter and wanted one of us to lead them into the burning factory. No one wanted to go back in, so dumb old me volunteered to take them in to the part of the factory which was a blaze. They had their Scott Air Packs for breathing, while I only had my personal rubber faced dust mask which was not designed for toxic gases of an industrial fire. After a briefing and the firemen knew that we were going to be approaching a fire around a glue tank that could explode if over heated by the surrounding fire, we waited for the command to enter the building. So when all were ready and we were told to go, I lead the team of firemen into the smoke hazed factory to the section burning still. As we walked through the dark by flashlight, the glow of the fire ahead was upon us. The Firemen asked me to try and open the emergency exit that was close the the fire at the back of the building. I headed over to the exit crawling over rubble and taking a two step to give the buckled door the best of soccer kicks I could ever give on the opening bar. The door popped open right away, more Firemen were out side setting up equipment, I returned to the team I escorted in and I was told to go back out front and leave them to handle the rest. After sitting out front for a bit, I was crammed into an ambulance with several others to be treated in hospital for smoke inhalation. I was soon released after I started coming and going from my room to have a cigarette. In time I was called back to work to start the clean up and repairs, then my right leg started to get sore. As each progressed I started to limp more and more with my sore leg. After work one night, I went to the Clinic to see a Doctor. An X-ray was taken and a hair line fracture was found in my old healed break of my tibia and fibia in my right leg. The Doctor asked me if I had kicked anything or something, well I responded with my role in the explosion and kicking open the emergency exit. She said "That will do it". So I had to stay off my leg for a while and walk with a cain until the fracture healed. I could not get workers compensation because the dead line for claiming injuries from the explosion had past, along with me never telling the Boss I had a bit of a bump leg when he hired me. Do you tell the boss everything medical when he hires you? In Quebec, Canada you have a responsibility to tell your employer medical conditions for hazards on the job. I found out the hard way and ended up out of work with no money or anything. As the leg healed, I got another job offer for more money which I ended up accepting only to get screwed by my new Boss for knowing my engineering and making some other Supervisor look bad. Like a co-worker said to me when I was leaving, this company uses people, I feel for you, you know your job. I never really was able to land a decent job after that while always arguing with my girlfriend at the time, because of electrical problems in her home and the electrical fire I stopped in her bathroom in the fall after I was in the explosion the spring of the same year. When ever we argued over weather or not I new what I was talking about in building practice, someone always called 911. So I stood up for the Canadian National Building Code and my life went progressively down hill with 911 being called on me. At least now the Doctors I work with, respect my capabilities and expertise in engineering technology. I am more prone to doing my art and playing guitar as a form of therapy for my developed anger from being strapped to beds and sedated after trying to arue my engineering point with my girlfriend. The "Schizo" was never to believed or something. Other people always new best and it destroyed the relationship and part of my life. Ok, I got my disability pension out of it and I got more involved with developing my artistic talent. While the Art Group that I am part of is off for the summer, one group member and myself get together in a local park with my guitar and our sketch pads. We take turns playing guitar while the other sketches a scene of the park. I contacted the Music Therapist at the Hospital to get involve in the Music Therapy program, so I could get some more guitar lessons out of it. My guitar playing has come a long way since I got two semesters of lessons under my belt from student Music Therapists at the Hospital in the past. My art has also come a long way as well, since I started taking it more seriously. I am no longer scared of pushing a pencil and wasting paper or a canvas. When I see what I want to produce in my mind's eye, I just produce it or copy an image from somewhere. With being part of an Art Show with Birks House Artists at the Musee du Beaux-Art de Montreal, I feel more like an Artist somehow. The opening of the show was the fist time I displayed art outside of the Out Patient Clinic and smoozed with a glass of wine in my hand. I really enjoyed that sense of accomplishment, I put quite a fair bit of work into that particular Art Show and the Museum Animator seemed to be able to open my eyes more to the world of art. My art and guitar buddy in the park is starting to plan with me to do an Art show at a location that I have in mind through a contact of mine. It would be nice to put something together with the visual arts and having my guitar interlude along side. I always was a creative dreamer, it is just at this point of my life that I am starting to dream about doing things with the creative arts. I have no children, my only expense is me and ambulance bills that built up along with one unfortunate credit card from financial hard times. As I am turning 46, perhaps it is late in life to go diving into being an Artist. But what odds for now, if it proves therapeutic. I play a couple of old WWII songs on the guitar, that carry me onward through my memories of the battles and struggles of my past eight years, to find a new found happiness in the future.

Mental Health System Is Over Worked Here In Montreal, Seems like More People Have Problems Than There Are Those To Help Solve Them

Well I got to see my Psychiatrist on March 24th past, it is like a joke how those that are fairing rather well get no attention. Like my Psychiatrist confessed to me, she is over booked and no time for anything. When it comes to me and my appointment it is in and out in a flash. Basic questions, still working self employed, still doing your art, ok here is a repeat prescription for next eleven months. At least I got a referral to see a Social Worker at the Quebec Government's medical clinic called a CLSC as well. After the rendez-vous with the Psychiatrist, I went to the CLSC to follow up on the referral for the Social Worker. I got interviewed by an admitting Social Worker who reviews the case and refers me to one of the Social Workers for follow up. I want to see a Social Worker for added assistance when dealing with the stigma of psychiatry. Knowing that the Psychiatric system is over burdened with people needing help, I just play the waiting game. Over all I am very content with my life. I could do with a bit more work on my plate ,which is coming with the opening up of the season for doing work on buildings with the arrival of the good spring weather. I am still active with Birks House Artists at the Montreal General Hospital's Mental Health Out Patient Clinic.We are having our opening for an art exhibition this April 19th 2006 at the Musee des Beaux Art de Montreal. All the Artist is the group have illustrated the desire to produce quality art at their different capacities. I really enjoyed the learning experience with working along side fellow Artists while being guided by an Animator at the Museum. I learned a far bit about art history and styles of art through the ages. I am very proud of the art pieces I produced through inspiration from works displayed in the Museum's permanent collection. Coming and going from the art group and the Museum with my portfolio and art supplies make me feel the power of being an artist. Walking down the main street in Montreal with my portfolio made me have such a great feeling of being able to express myself through the arts. Having my website for displaying my art and general writings, along with keeping up my blog on schizophrenic issues, leaves me with something to do at all times. That is half the battle with dealing with the schizophrenia diagnoses, keeping yourself busy as not to go into your head too much with creative ideas that can lead to delusional thinking, if not kept focused on concrete foundations. The logical engineering mind that I have, usually keeps me in a solid direction, even although I like to play around with being a bit of a mystical sort of guy. Sure I read my Bible looking for comparisons on life's struggles, from the past to what has become present day problems. I get my encouragement from words from old scriptures, I have an odd sort of nack for opening old books and lititure, at a place in the book that answers a question or emotional feelings that at the time are on my mind. In the same light ,during the last twenty years as the "Colours of Creation" as I call them, some of my spotted lights I see as apparitions/hallucinations (a/h) came forth to me, I would see them on a written text while reading. While studying Engineering Technology at night here in Montreal while working in the same field of expertise, when studying for exams I would feel compelled to make sure I re-read sections well of the text being studied, when small dots of a/h formed on the page being read. It proved beneficial on exams when the subject came up and a written explanation wanted on a certain subject. Just do not go crazy over the a/h or you will end up in Hospital. You can live an enjoyable balance of a/h and the reality of every day logic and science of survival. I like how I put that! For me it was a Metaphysical Science of a voyage toward self discovery exploring various aspects of a belief system pertaining to a God or Gods and Goddesses from my Scottish roots in ancient Druid/Pagan ancestry from the British Isles. I just formulated "Applied Schizophrenia" as a science in engineering, as in Metaphysical Engineering, having developed the ability to create a/h through focused meditation. It had brought me to a self awareness peak seven years ago as an Electromechanic, working under the supervision of a Mechanical Engineer. Now I am reaching a new peak with my creative arts and self expression of my story through the Internet. If I keep succeeding the way I am on minimal medication, while putting a belief system to work to control my a/h and get insight into them, what harm am I doing? If I can do it , others can too, be judged as normal while skilled enough to pay ample taxes back into the system. Lets create a snow ball effect of Psychiatrists working more closely with persons with schizophrenia to analysis the pattern of the visual a/p for the Godly creative art viewing for all to see. Like a Psychiatrist said to me in the parking lot at the Montreal General Hospital when discussing the matter, he responded with "There are many ways to approach schizophrenia".

Ami Quebec's Directrise Has Given Me Full Blessings To Find A New Home For The "Out There" Magazine which They Originally Started

As of today, the "Out There" Magazine which I am part of with an Art Show, is looking for a new home to host the Magazine. First and foremost we must find a mailing address with a computer terminal that can be used by interested people with me, providing a forum through the Magazine for creative arts by mental health consumers. The history of the Magazine goes back a few years to somewhere pre-2004. It was the brain child of a mental health consumer, who was affiliated with Ami Quebec at the time, when their website was initiated. The Magazine has grown very little since becoming a web publication, due to lack of financial resources and skills of mental health consumers to run the Magazine. The original guide lines of the Magazine was for it to be run by mental health consumers themselves, to bring out our own helping hand for other fellow consumers interested in the creative arts. The first direction I steered the search for a home for the Magazine, is with inquiring about recruiting members of Birks House Artists to help me run the Magazine. Fortunately the Art Group meets tomorrow at the Musee des Beaux Arts de Montreal for our animated session for our art show with the Museum this coming April, so I will be able to mention my project to get more interested individuals for an extra curricular activity from the Birks House Artists. We have our first Birks House Artists website with a free web host located at: http://www.freewebs.com/birkshouseartists. It was a start and a limited forum to put our creative works on the Internet. As the Art Group has grown, so has some of the computer skills found in the group, which would be of valuable asset to the "Out There" Magazine. I approached our Animator of the Art Group to let him know that that I inherited the Magazine and finding it a new home and mental health consumer staff. The second phone call I got of f while continuing my search for a home for the Magazine, was to contact the Out Patient Clinic affiliated with the Montreal General Hospital. The direction I would like to take the Magazine, is to be a part of the teaching hospital as consumers for consumers. The Out Patient Clinic would serve as a source for consumer staff and creative works, along with a meeting room and computer terminal. The added bonus would be being close to medical library and it teachings, I have accessed library texts while in hospital as a patient and found them fruitful on my road to self discovery and recovery. The whaif Magazine I inherited, will take on a more inspirational and growth lead direction, as I find it a new home. As the Magazine stands right now, it can be viewed on the Ami Quebec website under the Magazine's name at the following location: http://www.amiquebec.org If you are a mental health consumer and would like to give in any way to support the Magazine, you can contact me at the following e-mail address: docgmcreations@hotmail.com or phone from Montreal area only at: 488 4130 and ask for The Fly, to be part of running of the Magazine and helping in finding it a new home.