Been Through A Bit Of A Healing Process With The Way I Take My Pills

The crazy life of having to take psychiatric medication is unreal. When the Doctor started me on the Court ordered injections, I started to lose my morning erection, then after being discharged from the hospital I started to have further erectile disfunction along with a loss of an orgasm. I was really pissed off, partly thinking it had to do with my age due to turning fifty this year but then I found out it had to do with the medication its self from a researcher. Fortunitly I was put on the pills again due to the Extra Paramidal Side Effects, which I have had none of on the pills. Shortly after being on the pills again I started getting my full morning erection back, and from jerking myself back to sleep this morning to a fantasy woman, I discovered that I am getting my orgasm back, and thank God and the powers of the planet for that. The first eight years of my psychiatric treatment I was on various forms of intermusclur injections that took away my orgasm. I ended up living with it, and even used to masterbate for research to over come this situation. I was taking a pill at night for this research and filling out paper work if it improved my orgasm or not. By the end of it the research did not help any but after a while I was put on cheep pills that I could afford while working. I could not afford to pay the price of the injection with the low wage I was earning. I took the cheaper pills for years until I got the Extra Paramidal Side Effects from them, which I was hospitalized for. Ended up in more research taking another pill in a comparison study to the injectable form of the same medication. The Doctor insisted at the time that I took the injectable form which I finally submitted to. Then I had sexual disfunction all over again on the injections. I ended up getting drunk over it then leaving nasty comments into the Doctor's research voice mail. I was immediately taken off the injections and put back on the pills. The antipsychotic injections never did agree with me due it the inherent sexual disfunction or lack of orgasm/erectile disfunction to taking away my spermand not being able to come leading to fustration. As of this morning jerking myself back to sleep again, I consider myself a fully operational male that just needs a woman, hopefully one that will help me get out of poverty. So now everyone knows that medication can cause erectile disfunction in males leading them to consume the likes of viagra to perform with their wives. So do consult your Doctor about erectile disfunction and the medication you take and one might save on the viagra bill and satisfy their wives better sexually.

Apparently After All These Years, I Now Have Auditory Hallucinations, And The likes Of This Is Going To Solve My Problem

So here I am in my twenty fifth year after first cracking up with schizophrenic type symptoms and I am accused of having auditory hallucinating when I am listening to the News on TV, during the day when the radio in playing, in the coffee shop, in class at University, when being part of the Museum projects with the Hospital, on the bus and metro transport system of Montreal, and my solution is pictured above. I have no choice in becoming a regular pill popper, I even got arrested because of my hallucinations and went through prison and Court holding cells. I could not even believe it, there I was being shuffled around by the Court system in leg shackles and hand cuffs, all because of auditory hallucinations. OK, I got arrested by someone in the media while trying to figure out if I was hallucinating their News broadcasts or not, instead of a simple solution, I am now going through prosecution by the Courts for harassment. Dumb life of a schizo like me, my heart is broken, my hallucinations are now getting me in trouble with the law, according to my Psychiatrist. I thought I built my Artist/Writer career somewhat and had some media attention. Now I am informed that it was all hallucinations, as every one tells me, and the Courts obviously do not lie. So I am voluntarily increasing medication so I stop having auditory hallucinations when I see people talking, and while listening to radio and TV. Medication never stopped my hallucinations in the past so I will probably become a walking zombie trying to straighten out my life. Apparently I was even hallucinating the class room in University for two semesters and still got a half decent passing grade. Every where I go now I have auditory hallucinations, I only used to have the visual kind for the last 25 years. Now that I am trying my best at my fourth career, as an Internet Artist/Writer, I start getting auditory hallucinations everywhere Igo and got to get myself pumped full of drugs as a treatment plan to stop it, so I will not get arrested any more. It will be a while as I pass through the Court system, I first have to get a criminal evaluation by a Psychiatrist from the Quebec Penitentiary system, then re-appear in Court again in July. Really, I thought I built my Artist/Writer career a bit and got some notoriety for it, but it was all just mere hallucinations. I just hope I do not become too sedated to maintain my blog and carry on my art career, just have to see how much medication it takes to stop the auditory hallucinations everyone around me says I am having. So take care and say a prayer for me as I forge forward trying to rectify this new problem of mine. Update:May 17th 2008, well increased medication did not help any, all I did was sleep and I still heard reference to me in the media and in street gossip, so I am back to my normal medication levels and living with it.

My Port Hole In Life Was Certainly No Setting Sun

This image was taken when I was young and a seafaring man with nothing but dreams for my future, how I now know nothing but shattered dreams. As a young man I thought I would build my fortune as a seafaring man then go on to meet a woman and have a relationship that led to a Church wedding to settle down to have a family. Instead I ended up in the bowels of the Canadian psychiatric system in Newfoundland , Canada and returned to Montreal diagnosed with schizophrenia. OK, I worked hard at being a functional "schizo", took my medication and got a job and returned to school at night to build a life for myself on land, still dreaming of meeting a special woman and getting married in a Church. It did not exactly happen that way, three relationships later and spending most of my adult life by myself, I feel lost at turning 47 years old with only a state subsidy with a disability pension along with a Quebec Government welfare payment to bring me to a minimum allowance as a bit of a starving artist. What woman would want me now? With parshly being stricken with extra pyramidal side effects (EPSE), I am not fit to work as a trades person full time any more. Last time I worked a full summer as a trades person, I found myself up a 20 foot ladder being stricken with EPSE with a plastering tool in my hand, it did not make me feel exactly comfortable, it was like it was time to retire as a trades person and plug away trying to earn a living at a desk job as a full time artist. Now I can only fantasize of having a woman in my life, ideally she would be a career woman that would not mind using me as a tax write off. Fat chance of that happening! Then on the lighter side of things, Mom & Dad are planning to re-write their will to accommodate my situation. At present they are looking for a way to put my limited inheritance into a trust fund to facilitate my financial situation, I can get cut off part of my Government income if I inherit any amount of money, thus I would have to live off my inheritance too soon until it runs out and ending up back on a welfare plan with my disability pension until the day I die. Sure I am happy having the apartment I now acquired with my little art studio, with the intent of returning to school in September in the arts at University level. Once again trying to make something of myself again, except this time a bit late in life. My heart stills pangs to have a decent woman part of my life so I do not go to my grave totally sexually frustrated in my old age, Psychiatrists were always good at making me impetant or taking away my orgasm with medication, until I fought back for my own dignity. I am not young any more and I notice the difference in my manly blessing from its youthful desiring abilities, what a way to put it but it is part of growing old that I have to accept, along with spending most of my adult life single and only fantasizing about having a woman. The dumb life I carved out for myself, first standing up and applying the Canadian Shipping Act in the offshore oil industry which led me ending up in psychiatry to get diagnosed with schizophrenia, then standing up for the Canadian National Building Code regarding bad renovation practice as a "Schizo" Engineering Technician and getting Court Ordered Injections administred on me along with long term ensueing EPSE out of it. OK I am no longer on Court Ordered Injections and take pills again but I still have the the EPSE that put a damper on my life. I can look like a bit of a freak in public when stricken with them, but still plug away and call Psychiatrists assholes for pumping full of drugs instead of spending time talking to me about my apparitions/hallucinations, oh I forgot, that is a Psychologist's job at $60/hour which I never had! After 23 years in psychiatry, my file is so thick my Psychiatrist gets lost and has a lack of insight regarding me with reading it and I end up paying the price tag with bullshit, with no setting sun in my port hole of life!

Medication Gave Me Blurred Vision, Thus I Have To Wear Reading Glasses Still

It has been about a year since I wrote about my vision impairment caused by medication. Anti psychotic side effect medication can cause blurred vision in some people as it did with me, it still hampers me some so I wear reading glasses. When I was taking the side effect medication procyclidine, I was faced with getting blurred vision which constantly got worse, the medication kemaerin and cogentin can cause the same effect. At one point I was up to +375 magnification for reading glasses. I had been able to reduce to +150 reading glasses a year ago and at present I have good vision using +250 glasses. When I was hospitalized last spring for my EPSE (extra pyramidal side effects) I was put on side effect medication which hampered my vision once again. My vision is still improving as time goes by even although I am 47 years old this year. I end up buying my glasses at the Dollar Stores a fare bit, the frames do not last as long as the more expensive reading glasses that can be purchased in the local Pharmacy. Depending on the quality of the frames one can pay up to $30.00 for reading glasses. About a month ago my Mum bought me a pair of reading glasses in the Pharmacy that were on sale, I believe she paid about $15.00 for them, unfortunately they did not last for I lost them at the hospital somehow. At this point I had to make a trip to the Dollar Store to replace them for I could not afford a pair from the Pharmacy at the time. The frames from this replacement pair are already screwed up some and sit cock eyed on my nose, they really do not last like the better quality from the Pharmacy. With always changing between sun glasses and reading glasses when I am out and around the city, I invested in a neat pair of glasses that come with a case from the Pharmacy. As seen in the picture with this posting, the glasses in the case prove for a reliable pair with the case to put in my pocket when I am out side my apartment. I paid $2.99 plus tax for them in a local Pharmacy, they are not top of the line frames but the included case helps to keep the reading glasses in shape so they sit squarely on the nose like they are supposed to. When it comes to using reading glasses one must get their eyes checked to make sure of the cause of loss of vision. I was checked out at the Hospital Optometrist Clinic to make sure that it was indeed the medication that was causing my vision impairment. When it was verified by the Doctor in the Clinic I continued to use the reading glasses. I do not take side effect medication any more due to being on a limited amount of anti-psychotic medication and the bouts of EPSE are few and far between. It is surprising how long it takes medication to completely leave your system, for my vision does seem to constantly improve. Each time I buy new reading glasses I find something in the store to read that has very fine print. When I am happy with being able to read the fine print on store items, I get the appropriate glasses at the time. I do not know if I will ever be able to see clear enough to not use reading glasses, I always had really good vision and I am just happy with the having the slow reduction of magnification being used. Like anyone my vision is important to me, especially as an Artist trying to paint fine detail or while doing photography. I remember painting fine detail with blurred vision as my eyes were changing, even although I was wearing reading glasses. When doing photography I have to wear my reading glasses to focus the camera, other wise the developed photo will not be focused right. The glasses are propped on my nose so that I can look at things at a distance without looking through the glasses, then I switch to looking through the glasses when I go to read something such as when I am shopping. As time goes by and my vision improves, I will make added notes to this posting, until then take care of your eyes and get them properly checked if you tend to have blurred vision.

Slight Re-occurrence Of Extra Pyramidal Side Effects Can Bother Me Some Mornings

I still get the muscle contractions from my lower torso to mouth every now and again, they are called Extra Pyramidal Side Effects (EPSE) caused by prolong use of certain types of anti psychotic medications. It usually strikes in the morning, when I am waking up and having my first cigarette of the day along with my cup of tea, I am comfortable with just having the random bout of EPSE compared to what I went through in the past with EPSE. Just a little note about smoking, "Do Not Smoke cigarettes", they are a serious health hazard that I deal with! While working with the Research Psychiatrist at the Allan Memorial Institute, which is part of McGill Medical Services here in Montreal, I have learned more about the EPSE and how to try and prevent them from afflicting me randomly some days. Caffeine is the main culprit in our diet that has the tendency to enhance side effects of medication, thus I do my best to watch my caffeine intake. Having Coke and Pepsi in my diet was not helping me in any way at all, they are both high in caffeine. After having been advised to watch my consumption levels and try and wean myself away from the soft drinks as much as possible, I did some research myself on the Internet. Carbonated drinks can be more hazardous to our health than we realize, it is not good for our bones among other detemental side effects. Here I am a high volume consumer of fluids, that never drank much plain water, more water based drinks are consumed in my daily liquid consumption. At one point recently, when I had the EPSE really bad, I was drinking about 2 liters of Coke or Pepsi a day, while not knowing how bad it was for triggering the EPSE. With the Doctor's advise, I tried replacing the Coke and Pepsi with Ginger Ale or Spirite while trying to cut down on my overall carbonated drink consumption. With working from home as an Artist, it was too easy to refill a glass of a carbonated drink and I had to really work on myself to get out of the habit of drinking them. I do enjoy that glass of Coke or Pepsi every now and again but I am trying to stay away from it as much as possible to control my rare bouts of EPSE. What does one drink to try and stay away from caffeine? My much loved cup of orange peko tea has caffeine, so does coffee! It is like jumping from the pot into the fire trying to restrict caffeine consumption, especially as a high consumer of liquids like myself. Recently I have not being drinking coffee at home, for I do not have a taste for instant coffee like my room mate does. When I am out and around the City, I am first to buy my cup of flavoured coffee at one of Montreal's many coffee shops. I used to make ground coffee at home in a percolator or with a drip filter to make a single cup. My brother passed me his old coffee bean grinder and I got into grinding coffee beans to make that aromatic cup of coffee, which I have not done in a sometime but longing for again. So coffee and tea are next to impossible to get out of my diet, I do drink a green tea for a change every now and again. The caffeine is not as high but it still contains caffeine that I am trying to watch consumption levels of. Naturally my budget restraints hamper me from purchasing fruit punches and orange juice or lemon aid. The way I drink cold beverages lemon aid and orange juice can give me heart burn if I get into drinking too much of them in a short time period. The beverage that I can consume at the slowest rate seems to be beer at times but like the Psychiatrist said to me, "I do not want you to replace a Coke or Pepsi with beer". I will have a 1.18 liter bottle of beer or two at home on a Friday or Saturday night depending on my mood. A bottle can last me about three hours or so, while sipping on it when amusing myself with the computer or the arts, I used to drink quite a bit more than that when I was younger and partying more. Now it is just my end of the week bonus to have my beer during the evenings on the week ends. From taking beverages as I have mentioned, I feel I am reducing my caffeine consumption to some degree. Staying away from the Coke and Pepsi as much as possible is the largest cut in my daily caffeine levels and I am not missing it as much any more. I did not grow up on soft drinks and was not so prone to buying them when living alone, it became more of a bad habit drinking so much of the carbonated drinks when influenced by room mates. So here I am now, sticking to my guns and trying as much as possible not to take carbonated drinks for health reasons, while still having my high average daily liquid consumption.

Ended Up Pretty Buzzed Out On Medication Levels, controlling My Extra Pyramidal Side Effects, I Do Not Know What To Make Of My Life

Well here I am getting back to the key board still pretty buzzed out. I would not wish my EPSE on any one, getting my situation under control has left me with a loss of sense of time. Finding myself after sleeping for what seemed like a few days it seems, popping pills and with a loss of appetite. I finally phoned the Hospital Emergency and told them enough is enough, what am I supposed to do. I am so medicated it is a bit hard to function, so I am "playing" with my medication again so I can function. The rash on my toe has started to come back again while I am feeling a body buzz with my wrists tending to be turning in by muscle stiffness. With not having been working out in a bit, due to being too buzzed out of it to do anything. Then start having to be playing with the medication levels after phoning the hospital about my situation, slept still, then things started to get done. My room got vacuumed and cleaned today, it was never done since before I went into hospital. I do not really remember how long I was in hospital for, my sense of time is lost a

bit. It is like I am waking up out of a drunken binge, except it was medication taking me out of functioning right. One finds themself in a point of awe with not knowing what to do really. With not seeing the Doctor until the first week in July, I had to cancel my first appointment with her and get rebooked, due to setting up my art show with Birks House Artists. It is like I am left on my own trying to figure out what to do. I am dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. Finding myself now having a natural fear of Psychiatrists after all these years, I always associate them with bed strappings and getting pumped full of drugs so I can not function. I used to have a slight fear of ambulences on the street, which I got over. With always trying to make something of my life by having a job or working self employed, being my own person while socializing around people finding my own answers in life for the "schizophrenic issues" that were blessed on me, as a sort of burden. I used to be known as the "Happy Mechanic" in the last manufacturing plant I worked in. Now I carry a fare bit of anger and resentment from what my life has become. Struggling with no real amount of money, I am not presently in a position to work in my trade this summer, Psychiatrists have me buzzed out my tree!!! My art does not exactly pay the bills, it is like I need a fairy tale Princess zapping me into some sort of tax paying life again, that I always thrived for. I always felt that had a real stupid story of being in the Mental Health System. The system has changed over the years and it still has a lot to be desired. Hospitals always opt for higher medication levels, with what seems like no desire to accept that one can function on low medication levels. I do not really want to write about all that transpired in the hospital. There were a lot of really stupid moments over medication levels, while I am left carrying the empty bag in life. With all my know how with my character, one would think I could make something of myself to pay my bills. I mean really, I can not even afford all the ambulance bills that have built up, never mind the price of medication I am supposed to fork out. I am financialy going belly up trying to have some sort of normal life with my schizophrenic issues. I find it hard to write, even repeating "I" all through out my writings, it is like one was calling out to no avail while curling up to a psychological Teddy Bear in my mind when I lay my head down.

Working on Getting My Body Back To Canadian Coast Guard College Physical Standards, From When I Graduated Twenty Five Years Ago This Year

"Dumb life but a good one", I find myself musing in my head. Here I am in not bad physical shape from always working out in the Montreal General Hospital when ever I was admitted for delusional schizophrenia reasons. I was trained in many ways during my hitch of educational foundation building in the Canadian Coast Guard College. I took a really active role in the physical training program that was offered, we had a great role model of an Officer for our physical training. The one and only man himself, Golden Glove Champion of his time, the muscle and finesse of "Joe Joe Leblanc". We had a love hate relationship, he seemed to hated me for being a bit of a College drunk, that could maintain such determination for achievement of his physical standards and capabilities. In turn I loved him, for the man he was, after he showed me what he was capable of physically with his enduring strength.
I took him aside one day when there was only him and I in the gym and said "Joe Joe, show me what you can do, so I will know what to build later in life". What "Joe Joe" and his assistant built my body to be in three years was a lean mean fighting machine. I was the smallest male in my graduating class, while I wasable to out run bigger striding legs than me with a 5:24 mile. I do not really know what my mile time was, because when the Navigators got together and did some calculations, they figured "Joe Joe" time track was more than a mile run, but he always told us it was a mile. The Champion "Joe Joe" knew how to manipulate us to get the extra tank of gas out of our endurance training. So here I am now applying everything that "Joe Joe" and his assistant instilled in me to be a Champion in physical fitness. When locked away in Psychiatry while in Newfoundland, I remember being locked in my single room at night, pumped full of anti-psychotics and working out like "Joe Joe" had taught me. One difference though, I was doing it in the dark and having one ear honed for the approaching enemy, the night nurse and foot steps of her rounds. I would have to stop my work out, jump into bed and pretend that I was sound asleep until the flash light inspection of my room was completed. As the nurse's soles of her shoes, on the hard floor was far enough away, I would spring back into action building my body in the darkness of the night. When ever I was hospitalized in Montreal at the General, anything and everything would become a tool to work out on. OK, the ward had a few exercise mats and a stationary bicycle, nothing fancy to build physical strength on while consuming three square meals a day. I example of my ingenuity to find work out equipment was, my chin up "I" beam in the multi-level parking lot. I was able to bring my skipping rope into the hospital and two squeezes for my hand muscles. I could twist rope like crazy, I love to hear the whistle whip of cutting the air with speed on a skipping rope that does not hit the ground while skipping. I can even cross hands still pretty good. I just broke out my skipping rope again and starting skipping two nights ago as an added bonus to doing my daily work out with weights and calisthenics. Never mine touching toes, I can still bend over and put my fists to the floor. Healthy body health mind!!! You bet, the feeling of that constant slight ache of growing muscle is a dam good feeling. My budget does not really allow for the food consumption I require, so the local food bank and a Church I hooked up with are making sure I get the rations in food so that I can fatten up a bit for the coming of the opening to my opening with other artists at the Musee des Beaux Arts de Monreal this coming April 19th 2006. I did not what to look like the under weight runt that the Extra pyramidal Side Effects made me into. I am proud to say I have put back on so endurance muscle again and my face has fattened up a bit, with muscle. On the whole the body feels excellent and progressively gaining reps in weight training and calisthenics. I have this sort of self induced "Palaty?" precision movement after studying robotics at Dawson College here in Montreal. My logical engineering mind put it into my work outs over the years in a meditative Zen fashion that "Joe Joe" and his assistant did not develop our bodies with, now I am incorporating this aspect of my life into their physical training instilled in me once again, I have never felt better and healthier as I feel my body growing to high standards once again!!!