Mental Health Day March Celebrated Here In Montreal Today

Part of the theme around the march is to combat the stigma of mental health issues, even Mental Health Workers have a way of holding the stigma against you and making you feel like you are a piece of dirt, through my experience. For example, not returning your phone calls as my Social Workers have done, Psychiatrists threating you at will during disagrements, strapping you to beds during hospitalizations, Psychiatrists writing and doing what they want with Lawyers and Judges doing in the patient in Court room with total disregard for patient needs etc, I could go on and on!!! Even a media personality used the stigma of pyschiatry against me with getting me arrested for harrassment charges when I tried approaching her for referring to my material and working mind in the arts!! Now I am considered a threat to society by the Courts which is a total load of crap! I would like to meet a career woman from Toronto and get the hell out of Montreal and Quebec because of the Court crap around me. I have other people besides the media personality that tried to put me in prison in Montreal, I need a new start in a new metropolitian cityand having a relationship with a career woman is like my only ticket out of poverty, yea be the house husband. It is just a silly dream to have a family and be happy with a woman, with the stigma of psychiatry out there the chances of it happening are next to nothing. I have a Tribunal hearing coming up in December because of the arrest and I will be treated like a delusional piece of dirt just like before. Due to the stigma of psychiatry my Lawyer does not even call me back, I got to phone and phone until I get a hold of her. If I was some sort of corporate client, the Lawyer would return my phone call when I leave a message. Psychiatrists will out right lie about medication and sex disfunction when one complains about it, as it suits their whim, I have so many examples of Professional stigma against patients it makes the whole system out to be a complete joke. When one goes to complain about injustices in the psychiatric department at the hospital, the Head Psychiatrist will not even call you back!!! The image in this posting is symbolic of two Psychiatrists and the Tribunal Lawyer doing me, bottom center, at Tribunal hearings!

My Port Hole In Life Was Certainly No Setting Sun

This image was taken when I was young and a seafaring man with nothing but dreams for my future, how I now know nothing but shattered dreams. As a young man I thought I would build my fortune as a seafaring man then go on to meet a woman and have a relationship that led to a Church wedding to settle down to have a family. Instead I ended up in the bowels of the Canadian psychiatric system in Newfoundland , Canada and returned to Montreal diagnosed with schizophrenia. OK, I worked hard at being a functional "schizo", took my medication and got a job and returned to school at night to build a life for myself on land, still dreaming of meeting a special woman and getting married in a Church. It did not exactly happen that way, three relationships later and spending most of my adult life by myself, I feel lost at turning 47 years old with only a state subsidy with a disability pension along with a Quebec Government welfare payment to bring me to a minimum allowance as a bit of a starving artist. What woman would want me now? With parshly being stricken with extra pyramidal side effects (EPSE), I am not fit to work as a trades person full time any more. Last time I worked a full summer as a trades person, I found myself up a 20 foot ladder being stricken with EPSE with a plastering tool in my hand, it did not make me feel exactly comfortable, it was like it was time to retire as a trades person and plug away trying to earn a living at a desk job as a full time artist. Now I can only fantasize of having a woman in my life, ideally she would be a career woman that would not mind using me as a tax write off. Fat chance of that happening! Then on the lighter side of things, Mom & Dad are planning to re-write their will to accommodate my situation. At present they are looking for a way to put my limited inheritance into a trust fund to facilitate my financial situation, I can get cut off part of my Government income if I inherit any amount of money, thus I would have to live off my inheritance too soon until it runs out and ending up back on a welfare plan with my disability pension until the day I die. Sure I am happy having the apartment I now acquired with my little art studio, with the intent of returning to school in September in the arts at University level. Once again trying to make something of myself again, except this time a bit late in life. My heart stills pangs to have a decent woman part of my life so I do not go to my grave totally sexually frustrated in my old age, Psychiatrists were always good at making me impetant or taking away my orgasm with medication, until I fought back for my own dignity. I am not young any more and I notice the difference in my manly blessing from its youthful desiring abilities, what a way to put it but it is part of growing old that I have to accept, along with spending most of my adult life single and only fantasizing about having a woman. The dumb life I carved out for myself, first standing up and applying the Canadian Shipping Act in the offshore oil industry which led me ending up in psychiatry to get diagnosed with schizophrenia, then standing up for the Canadian National Building Code regarding bad renovation practice as a "Schizo" Engineering Technician and getting Court Ordered Injections administred on me along with long term ensueing EPSE out of it. OK I am no longer on Court Ordered Injections and take pills again but I still have the the EPSE that put a damper on my life. I can look like a bit of a freak in public when stricken with them, but still plug away and call Psychiatrists assholes for pumping full of drugs instead of spending time talking to me about my apparitions/hallucinations, oh I forgot, that is a Psychologist's job at $60/hour which I never had! After 23 years in psychiatry, my file is so thick my Psychiatrist gets lost and has a lack of insight regarding me with reading it and I end up paying the price tag with bullshit, with no setting sun in my port hole of life!

Glowing Light Appeared In My Hand With A Witness At My Side

Persons with schizophrenia are usually alone with their manifestations that they witness, on two occasions I had a person beside me that saw my "hallucination" with me, both times it was the woman that I was dating. Grant you it was two different women that witnessed my "hallucinations" with me, my two last girl friends. So here I am alone as a single man thinking a lot about my life and how schizophrenia has made a mess of it by dragging down the tubes of poverty. It has left me thinking about the manifestations that occur to me that can not be totally explained other than a Psychiatrist saying I have irrational hallucinations. I put my own type of personal meaning to the manifestations and ignore what the Psychiatrist says about them, it helps me cope better and be more of a mystic rather than just a "schizo" as determined by modern medicine. I did the sketch in chaulk pastel of the manifestation last week, that I had with my ex, in preparing for my blog posting.

When I met my last girl friend, she accepted me as a intelligent mystic/schizo, for I told her my medical condition when we were just starting to get to know each other. As the relationship progressed, I was soon spending all nighters with her and sleeping along side her in her bed. It was very early in the relationship and I was spending a lot of time with her, sometimes more than I should have, any way we had retired to the master bedroom for the evening and were laying in bed together having our evening talk in bed like we usually did over a cigarette. Sometime during these moments in the dimly light room, my hand ended face up above the bed sheets. Then a warm whitish yellow light started to glow in the palm of my hand. I spoke up to my girl friend at the time and asked her if she could see the light in my hand that I was seeing. She responded that indeed she could see it and it left us both speechless and amazed. I then reached with my left hand to try and pick up the light between my thumb and finger, when my left hand reached the glowing light in the palm of my right hand, it seemed to disappear from our sight. We were left speechless and amazed but had each other to reflect on the experience to keep our nerves steady. Years later, talking to my ex about the manifestation we both witnessed together, with what seems like so long ago, she still finds words to describe the experience like awesome, unbelievable and mystifying. It is funny how when I am lone and have these type of experiences, I am brushed off as a delusional "schizo" most of the time, when I try relating the experiences to a fellow human. Having a witness to such an experience leaves one with a very powerful feeling, like I am not alone with it all and more than just a "schizo that needs medication for hallucinations. What ever the case may be, this posting is about just one of many manifestations I have witnessed, that I am not alone with, I have my ex girl friend as a witness to the event. I take a minimal amount of medication and still have what my Psychiatrist calls delusional hallucinations. The mystical experiences I go through did not ruin my life, it was the the Psychiatrists pumping me full of drugs to stop the experiences instead of trying to talk to me about it. It is kind of like an atheist trying to stop God, it does not work to good, so I keep my mystical experiences to myself and only share them with people I really trust or through my blog.