Time To Make A Blog Posting And I Do Not Know What To Write So I am Winging It

So here I am sitting by myself like usual with the radio playing and for once I do not know what to write. My life has become really boring on disability pension, I really miss working and having the extra money from my labours. Grant you doing my art and blog writing is a form of work but it costs more money than it makes! I am getting fed up with the hospital programs that I attend, and still spend too much time by myself. Then when you write about it on your blog, you get all these match making Internet agencies emailing you that someone wants to meet you, what a joke! I average about 5 hits a day according to my sitemeter, and what ever I write about I get advertizing email asking for money I do not have, even my email box is lonely.My can of beer or two in the evening mellows out the boring day. Talking to other men my age or older, it is a common past time when we have nothing, we all drink too much beer. The only persons I have to phone are my ex-girl friend and and my Mum for my daily conversation for a bit, most other friends I can not get a hold of. With having no children of my own, I have no one to really think about or treat, so I end up treating myself to beer. A friend from the Art Group at the hospital got me out on a photo shoot this past weekend up on Mount Royal here in Montreal. I finished off my roll of black and white film on the mountain, and figured I got some pretty good shots walking the trail through the woods up the mountain. There we were , three male psychiatric out patients, middle aged with cameras and no money but trying to make an outing for ourselves. It was good getting out in the woods again with my friend from the hospital art group and meeting his friend that he brought along. Funny how I knew him from spending time on the psychiatric ward with him at one point or another over the years, like we all say, small world. At the end of the Saturday afternoon my two friends got the bus from the mountain home, and I went and sat down by my lone some self and did a sketch of a stone sculpture in the park at the top of Mount Royal. After doing the sketch I headed back through the trail and headed down the mountain to drop off my exposed film for development, then went for coffee before heading back to my apartment which I have nick named my demented prison. Sure I got my little art studio which I can produce in, but what am I supposed to do with all the art, I got no place to put it all and I can not seem to sell it. The price of gasoline seems to take up everyones extra spending money. I got a canvas on my easel with a sketch on it to be painted, it was inspiration from the person that got me arrested, before she got me arrested. I want to paint my layout but it hurts too much, sometimes I just sit there looking at the sketch and thinking to myself, "how the hell did I get arrested and spend time in shackles and chains". (See previous posting on the arrest) Just with getting myself arrested with trying to get answers if I hallucinate the News or not, drove me into a higher beer consumption which I can not afford. At least it helped me sort my head somewhat, more so than my Psychiatrist is capable of doing! Thank God for my faith in God, praying for those more needy than myself gives my life meaning. I gong in my candle and incense lighting while I say my prayers for humanity and all, the planet too, sometimes for sick animals, it can give meaning when there is none. Recently I have been reflecting of the days when I was young and earning $3500.00 over time cheques, never mine my regular pay. On that gross amount I would pay $1500.00 tax to take home 2 grand extra in a month. Now I feel like a burden to society and life loses a lot of its meaning. I really tried hard working while taking medication for schizophrenia, and I even lost that excuse for living over time. So here I am trying to sort out my head with being a financial burden to society on disability pension, yes a artist/writer that always seems to get done in with new contacts, I heard of blackmail working around me to drive me under. The majority of society does not like whistle blowers like I have been, and the majority of us that blow a whistle or two on something usually get done in. Yes, I feel like I did the right thing in the eyes of God, being a whistle blower on certain issues I came across, but it cost me everything, then again God is still there for me when no one else is!