After Studying About The History of The Church's Sacred Heart In Theology Class Last Semester, I Created One Artistically For My Own Pagan Eggs & Snail Beliefs, That I Have As A Theology Student At Concordia University Here In Montreal
I created this sacred heart sketch with oil pastels on paper designed for oil pastel drawings. The Celtic crown is symbolic of my roots from Scotland, and Ireland as my Mother has informed me. Mum's parents settled in Scotland after they departed from Ireland. The concept of the heart comes from the Church's sacred heart, with the eyes in the heart stemming from the all knowing God & Goddess of my Pagan Eggs and Snails beliefs. The Pagan Eggs & Snails concept comes from Pagan egg sacrifice at alters pre-Christian period in the ancient Celtic belief system. The ideologies behind the Snails, is the slow crawl to God and his Consort, (God of Thunder, Goddess- the fertile land of the planet that the rains of thunder storms impregnate) The Star of David is placed in my Sacred Heart, as I have strong attachment to believing in the descendants of Abraham, Judaism, populating the Planet while looking for fertile land to settle and breed on. The smiling face in the Star of David, is symbolic of the crescent moon from the Muslim faith. As I learned in my theology class last semester, the Muslim Prophet Mohamed, came after Jesus Christ, as there was great Prophets before Jesus Christ. Behind the crowned sacred heart, is the Canadian maple leaf as a symbolic token of our Dominion of Canada as we once call our Country. It is funny how our founding Fathers of Confederation chose July 1st as the day of the birth of our Nation, as we Canadians celebrate the holiday of July 1st, we are actually respecting a Law that God gave to Moses for the first day of the seventh month to be a holiday. Bit by bit I grow closer to my God and his Consort as I learn from the teaching through my theology lessons at University, some how a bit of a Canaanite from days of old that believes in God and his Consort, that strongly wants mutual respect and tolerance for all creeds and their own beliefs as long as they are honest and respectful to others and do not practice thievery and corruption to do in any individual or creed with their own faith and religion. On the other side, certain individuals and armies have demented beliefs that are ungodly to the point of being extremists/supremacist that have to be dealt with appropriately.

It Has Been A Balancing Act Walking An Iron Fence Through

The Mental Health System For 23 Years

No system is ever totally fair and I always walked the spikes of a iron fence through the mental health system, if I had constantly listened to Psychiatrists, I would probably still be a walking medicated zombie as they have made me on several occasions over the years. Grant you, I did go into semi psychotic states over my apparitions/hallucinations when I was younger, due to the isolation caused by speaking of the subject matter. The medication never changed my thinking process nor my approach to the subject matter I had to deal with, it just numbed me out so I could not function like other people. Apparently, having visual hallucinations as Psychiatrists call them, is one of the rarest forms of schizophrenia. When hospitalized as an inpatient, I was pretty well on my own as I was out of hospital. The Nurses never really had the time to sit down and discuss my schizophrenia with me, you would only see them at medication time or tending to other patient's needs. If I complied with taking my medication in Hospital, I got discharged after three months observation. During the first seven years of my treatment I was put on inter-muscular injects for being a non conformist and tried to hold down a job. In twenty three years I have never had a intelligent conversation about my apparitions/hallucinations with hospital staff, the limited conversation revolved around taking medication and side effects of the drugs I was consuming. It was like I was not allowed to be my happy go lucky intelligent self, the hospital staff preferred me heavily sedated so I could not function to my full ability. Perhaps their own ignorance of what my schizophrenia was all about, led them to over medicating me, if only they could have taken the time to talk to me about my situation. A lot of the time when not an inpatient and taking pills, I self medicated at lower dosages and got a job in my field of expertise. When working, I consumed my fair bit of alcohol and marijuana thus pissing out the limited medication that I was taking or caused a difference when on injections and found my conversation around my apparitions/hallucinations in bars and at parties. Over the years I have heard all sides to the subject matter of visual hallucinations and have personally grown by discussing them. Continuing my education at night in the engineering field while working, kept my mind trying to attain a higher level of self understanding with my condition through principles of logic from the engineering discipline. With the passing of the years, I have come to a conclusion that there is a logical discourse to my apparitions/hallucinations, my theological foundations evolved out of it, thus my shaman antics with my ritual of prayer and belief system came into being. My apparitions/hallucinations are a guiding force that keeps me faithful to my Gods and Goddess', I have seen many a ghost and ghostly things over the years and have learned not to put excessive meaning into them but use them for reflective meditation about life in general. They serve me well as does my limited amount of medication that I now consume, even although I detest it sometimes! At the present time, I take my perscription of 3mg of risperdal and it can take the edge off my anger with how my life turned out. My Psychiatrist seems to believeI should be on more medication but people that know me say I am my old self again, especially my parents! I still have my apparitions/hallucinations on different occasions, as they do have a way of guiding my faith in something greater than us humans, the Lord speaks in mysterious ways!

Unearthed Some Old Poetry/Pros To Reflect On Part Of My Character

While being in touch with my Cousin from the Southern States, I started to share some of my poetry with her and decided to post a few poems to reflect on part of my out look during different phases in my life. The first poem was written in high schoo,l while I was young and ambitious and not yet enduring the life in the Mental Health System. The original version was lost back in early 1996 when I was hospitaized and my parents had to close up my apartment. At the time I had compiled a binder of different style writings which accidentally went to the Salvation Army with other old books. This version was written from memory when I started writing again around late 1996, it reads more or less the same.

The Treasure

Seeking a treasure like you

Is where I find myself now

Drawing on my heart's desire for it is you I would like to acquire

Because I seek a treasure like you

Love is a big chest of dreams

Locking away pure thoughts of passion

Mutually drawing within hearts' desire

For it is there that I will acquire

Such a profound treasure like like you

Are you seeking a treasure like me

Is this where you find yourself now

For is it me, you would like to acquire

Because I seek a treasure like you

Comment:

It was around 1996, before I went into hospital, I wrote this following piece of creative work. I drew a piece of art dealing the subject of a hand that I wore around my neck in my youth to complement the writing. I had did the wood carving myself and always had a close attachment to it, from personal memory about its inspiration. This piece was also re-written once I started writing again after loosing the original with my binder.

The Mystical Hand Of Power

The long lost mystical hand of power

Is tattooed within the faith of time its self

Surrounded by a chain of humanary words

By the influence of the guiding light of each and every day

Symbolic of inborn mystical power

Creating and destroying life as we do

We forget that for every act, the mystical hand reacts

Surrounded by the ultimate chain of command

By the powers at hand that guide our nightly dreams

Hence for we create many a mystical way

Symbolic of a mirrored tattoos fate

The multitude of brands of power there is

Locked within faith and time it makes its own tattoo

Surrounded by the many hands of a humanary chain

If only we were truly able to define ourselves

By living by the tides of night and day

Hence forth we use our hands to pray

Symbolic of a guided mystical hand tattooing our fate

Comment:

I can not remember when I wrote this next piece, it was sometime during my writing spree in 1996, it was my craving at the time to make a binder of writings from personal thoughts again, the artistic process really started coming forth in me during this time period, with me putting paint brush to canvas ten years ago this year.

The Forests Of Life

For what seemed like endless fort-nights

My growth was always stumped by these looming shadows over me

Casting their ill fated dominance over me

A thistle where it should be

Fending for its self in all the entangled growth

I survived this and that along with the inexact

And the hatchet from a passer by or two nicked me here and there

Licked my wounds and held my soil

Wondering when I'd have a thorny side kick

To share my survival plot of soil

Pollen blowing in the wind through the woods

Taking a mystical traveling trail

Like an out of body experience, seeing but not seeing

The pecullar thistle found his personal light

Lost but not in his own oasis in time

Searching for what was lost

To control the under growth in the mist

Of the hilly rocky rising path

That leads to the sky above

To grow in the forest of life

Then one day this forest mole brought a root to my soil bed

And somehow it got dropped and buried besides my warmth

I felt in my soul that I would have my thorny entanglement out of this

A compatible colourful rose I would hope would grow

While entangling our vibes of growth

Making our own picture in time

Locked away in the secrets of the forest of life

The union of entangled loving growth

In our own little forest of life

Comment:

This following creation was written through inspiration from a photograph I took of Cardiff Castle in Wales. The way the trees were growing and shaped when I took the photograph, it looked like I captured faces in the trees and wrote about it.

Faces In The Trees

My castle walls stand high and proud

They protect all my secret treasures

Even if they are only my flowering court yard

And the water well that sits in its mists

The simple castle can become a fortress

When faces linger in the trees over the moat

Oh for the God forsaken faces in the trees

The haunting look of the dreaded wild

Formed through the growth of their leaves

Like a howling force in the night

Down upon my precious castle walls

The castle moat holds its own demons galore

Buried from I don't know where

For they too come blowing in the wind

And trapped in my shallows of the deep

To protect my brick work of my walls

So things from yonder get kept out that we don't want

How do you keep out all the forces of life

They seep in through the cracks in the foundations

And causing chilling drafts through the cellar of my mind

Fair is fair for I do go out in the forces of life

To gaze upon the faces in the trees

And then the leaves whisper among themselves

As much as I have my own eyes to see

So do the faces in the trees

But who sees who for what purpose

I know what I see but I can't help but see

But I know where I find my retreat

In my humble sanctuary in my castle walls

Comment:

I wrote this little piece when my life was was going down hill not so long ago, before I gained control of my life again in the recent past with my present life style of being an Artist/Writer.

Buffer Zone

I found my little forest of life

And it grew in the inner city

A modest little comfort buffer zone

That we commonly call our home

The hatchet came here too

Like a dark thunder cloud's shadow

Hovering where it should not

The laws of the forest are a keep sake

Locked away in the heart of those that dwell in her

Causing nightmares in the under growth and shrubbary

Comment:

I wrote this following some time ago as I way trying to heal from emotional wounds, I guess it helped me at the time, the pen soothing the soul with selected words, enjoy!

The Holy Grail

A supposed gifted man drank from a cup

During a supper that was his last

The gifted man bore his cross

And the cup lingers in the memory of man

The story spans many a life time

And the cup became the "Holy Grail"

Pursued for its healing powers within

And the cup lingers in the memory of man

Some say it is hidden away

Others speak of it getting lost in time and warring

Is it really the ace of all cups passed our way

Because a supposed gifted man drank from the cup in question

Odds to double odds, cups will dribble with rimming spillage

Rings of time found in wooden cups

Illustrate the power that can be found within

So we have the symbol of the "Holy Grail"

Can time its self launch another such cup

Or can another gifted man forge such a cup

To channel the powers of the wise

Bringing forth the healing powers within

Time is a great healer its self

And time also takes our life away

If the "Holy Grail" is lost in time

I heal by the powers found within the symbol of such a cup

Comment:

The poetry or pros that I posted in this blog entry, reflect on different stages in my life and my writings are the written history of my thoughts and feeling about those parts of my life. Putting letters together and making words, developing those words into sentences, was always a very big part of my life. I hope the reader enjoys the selected writings, sometimes we can be for ever healing!