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Friday, April 21, 2006

While Working Out, Consuming Omega 3 Fatty Acid Type Food Makes Me Feel Fantastic & Keeps My Belly Full
Well, here I am pychological driven to rebuild my build and doing a good job of it. I have not felt better in years, especially where I am not stricken with the Extra Pyramidal Side Effects (EPSE) any more or at least as much. (it happens rarely) It took quiet some time to get to this state with rebuilding my life from the demented Court Ordered injections I was on. I am very full filled with my life right now, being constantly productive in the arts and enjoying the Montreal weather like all of us here in our diverse multicultural city. On April 19th 2006, Birks House Artists, which I am part of, had our opening at the Musee des Beaux Arts de Montreal for our art show which we all laboured so lovingly to put together. I am proud of the pieces of art which I created for the art show and would never have been able to produce them if I was still severely stricken with the EPSE. All comes to pass for the benefit of those concerned, when you apply logic and common sense to your life. It was like I was a medical experiment with my old psychiatrist at the Montreal General Hospital, everyone praises this Psychiatrist at the hospital but my life was destroyed under his care. By getting away from his demented medical practice, I rebuilt my life on my own. I am not due to see my present attending Psychiatrist for another eleven months and then only to renew my prescription of 2mg of haloperidol nightly. On this minimal amount of anti-psychotic medical, I am able to produce to my maxium potential or more, while maintaining good eating habits. I do my daily exercises every evening while being productive during the day/night, while enjoying my life instead of sleeping most of the time and fighting off the EPSE. I am not in the financial position to be able to maintain my dietary needs without the help of our local food bank and the support from a local Church for added energy sources. Since I am working out and being productive, my appetite has increased substantially with lack of adequate funding on my disability pension to buy all my required foods. At one point, when I had a bit more work while on disability pension, I would buy and consume cod liver oil pills for the much recommended Omega 3 Fatty Acid intake. I have not been able to have the financial resources to do this recently, so I started to consume sardines like I used to, thus making up for the lack of cod liver oil consumption. I make this delicious sardine patti that I take with crackers every evening during the late night News report on the television. If I could, I would consume a meal of seal meat every week for a super fix of Omega 3 Fatty Acid intake. I know this is a sore point with a lot of people, our Canadian seal hunt and all. As in Pamela Anderson, our very own Canadian television star speaking out against the seal hunt in Halifax, Nova Scotia, during the Canadian Juno awards. Well let me pass this message to you, my inspiring sweat heart, through my intellectually minded blog!!! Being aware of the dwindling cod stocks in our coastal waters and the abundance of seal meat available, where else I am going to get my Omega 3 Fatty Acid intake as recommended for persons with schizophrenia. Milk it from you somehow Pamela? I ate seal meat fresh from a hunt in Newfoundland in the past and would do it again. It is a fantastical palatable meat when you are tuff enough to acquire a taste for the cute little baby seals. Trucks sell the meat on the St.John's Nfld habour front during the seal hunt, I do not have the money to fly to Newfoundland every year during the seal hunt ,to buy a freezer full of cute little seal meat. It is kick ass high protein meat full of Omega 3 Fatty Acid, which modern reseachers say is beneficial for my schizophrenia treatment. So bla, bla, bla, to all the high profile protestors against our Canadian seal hunt, everyone I have come across hated being corrected by a "Dumb Schizo" like me. If you try messing with our seal hunt, I will see it as you are ones messing with me controlling my schizophrenia with Omega 3 Fatty Acids. Then I will take you on, as a high profile "Outsider Artist" with the liturary firepower of the Canadian Military's biggest gun. Ask any Canadian Politician how they feel about being the brunt of my ridicule in cartooning, I will always defend the Canadian seal hunt to the hilt of my psychological sword for the reasons mentioned above. Anyway, I feel fantastic with how I have rebuilt my life with the lack of cute little seal meat, I can not wait for my next meal of cute little seal meat to get some kick ass Omega 3 Fatty Acid as recommended by modern researchers on schizophrenia.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Working on Getting My Body Back To Canadian Coast Guard College Physical Standards, From When I Graduated Twenty Five Years Ago This Year
"Dumb life but a good one", I find myself musing in my head. Here I am in not bad physical shape from always working out in the Montreal General Hospital when ever I was admitted for delusional schizophrenia reasons. I was trained in many ways during my hitch of educational foundation building in the Canadian Coast Guard College. I took a really active role in the physical training program that was offered, we had a great role model of an Officer for our physical training. The one and only man himself, Golden Glove Champion of his time, the muscle and finesse of "Joe Joe Leblanc". We had a love hate relationship, he seemed to hated me for being a bit of a College drunk, that could maintain such determination for achievement of his physical standards and capabilities. In turn I loved him, for the man he was, after he showed me what he was capable of physically with his enduring strength.
I took him aside one day when there was only him and I in the gym and said "Joe Joe, show me what you can do, so I will know what to build later in life". What "Joe Joe" and his assistant built my body to be in three years was a lean mean fighting machine. I was the smallest male in my graduating class, while I wasable to out run bigger striding legs than me with a 5:24 mile. I do not really know what my mile time was, because when the Navigators got together and did some calculations, they figured "Joe Joe" time track was more than a mile run, but he always told us it was a mile. The Champion "Joe Joe" knew how to manipulate us to get the extra tank of gas out of our endurance training. So here I am now applying everything that "Joe Joe" and his assistant instilled in me to be a Champion in physical fitness. When locked away in Psychiatry while in Newfoundland, I remember being locked in my single room at night, pumped full of anti-psychotics and working out like "Joe Joe" had taught me. One difference though, I was doing it in the dark and having one ear honed for the approaching enemy, the night nurse and foot steps of her rounds. I would have to stop my work out, jump into bed and pretend that I was sound asleep until the flash light inspection of my room was completed. As the nurse's soles of her shoes, on the hard floor was far enough away, I would spring back into action building my body in the darkness of the night. When ever I was hospitalized in Montreal at the General, anything and everything would become a tool to work out on. OK, the ward had a few exercise mats and a stationary bicycle, nothing fancy to build physical strength on while consuming three square meals a day. I example of my ingenuity to find work out equipment was, my chin up "I" beam in the multi-level parking lot. I was able to bring my skipping rope into the hospital and two squeezes for my hand muscles. I could twist rope like crazy, I love to hear the whistle whip of cutting the air with speed on a skipping rope that does not hit the ground while skipping. I can even cross hands still pretty good. I just broke out my skipping rope again and starting skipping two nights ago as an added bonus to doing my daily work out with weights and calisthenics. Never mine touching toes, I can still bend over and put my fists to the floor. Healthy body health mind!!! You bet, the feeling of that constant slight ache of growing muscle is a dam good feeling. My budget does not really allow for the food consumption I require, so the local food bank and a Church I hooked up with are making sure I get the rations in food so that I can fatten up a bit for the coming of the opening to my opening with other artists at the Musee des Beaux Arts de Monreal this coming April 19th 2006. I did not what to look like the under weight runt that the Extra pyramidal Side Effects made me into. I am proud to say I have put back on so endurance muscle again and my face has fattened up a bit, with muscle. On the whole the body feels excellent and progressively gaining reps in weight training and calisthenics. I have this sort of self induced "Palaty?" precision movement after studying robotics at Dawson College here in Montreal. My logical engineering mind put it into my work outs over the years in a meditative Zen fashion that "Joe Joe" and his assistant did not develop our bodies with, now I am incorporating this aspect of my life into their physical training instilled in me once again, I have never felt better and healthier as I feel my body growing to high standards once again!!!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Mental Health System Is Over Worked Here In Montreal, Seems like More People Have Problems Than There Are Those To Help Solve Them
Well I got to see my Psychiatrist on March 24th past, it is like a joke how those that are fairing rather well get no attention. Like my Psychiatrist confessed to me, she is over booked and no time for anything. When it comes to me and my appointment it is in and out in a flash. Basic questions, still working self employed, still doing your art, ok here is a repeat prescription for next eleven months. At least I got a referral to see a Social Worker at the Quebec Government's medical clinic called a CLSC as well. After the rendez-vous with the Psychiatrist, I went to the CLSC to follow up on the referral for the Social Worker. I got interviewed by an admitting Social Worker who reviews the case and refers me to one of the Social Workers for follow up. I want to see a Social Worker for added assistance when dealing with the stigma of psychiatry. Knowing that the Psychiatric system is over burdened with people needing help, I just play the waiting game. Over all I am very content with my life. I could do with a bit more work on my plate ,which is coming with the opening up of the season for doing work on buildings with the arrival of the good spring weather. I am still active with Birks House Artists at the Montreal General Hospital's Mental Health Out Patient Clinic.We are having our opening for an art exhibition this April 19th 2006 at the Musee des Beaux Art de Montreal. All the Artist is the group have illustrated the desire to produce quality art at their different capacities. I really enjoyed the learning experience with working along side fellow Artists while being guided by an Animator at the Museum. I learned a far bit about art history and styles of art through the ages. I am very proud of the art pieces I produced through inspiration from works displayed in the Museum's permanent collection. Coming and going from the art group and the Museum with my portfolio and art supplies make me feel the power of being an artist. Walking down the main street in Montreal with my portfolio made me have such a great feeling of being able to express myself through the arts. Having my website for displaying my art and general writings, along with keeping up my blog on schizophrenic issues, leaves me with something to do at all times. That is half the battle with dealing with the schizophrenia diagnoses, keeping yourself busy as not to go into your head too much with creative ideas that can lead to delusional thinking, if not kept focused on concrete foundations. The logical engineering mind that I have, usually keeps me in a solid direction, even although I like to play around with being a bit of a mystical sort of guy. Sure I read my Bible looking for comparisons on life's struggles, from the past to what has become present day problems. I get my encouragement from words from old scriptures, I have an odd sort of nack for opening old books and lititure, at a place in the book that answers a question or emotional feelings that at the time are on my mind. In the same light ,during the last twenty years as the "Colours of Creation" as I call them, some of my spotted lights I see as apparitions/hallucinations (a/h) came forth to me, I would see them on a written text while reading. While studying Engineering Technology at night here in Montreal while working in the same field of expertise, when studying for exams I would feel compelled to make sure I re-read sections well of the text being studied, when small dots of a/h formed on the page being read. It proved beneficial on exams when the subject came up and a written explanation wanted on a certain subject. Just do not go crazy over the a/h or you will end up in Hospital. You can live an enjoyable balance of a/h and the reality of every day logic and science of survival. I like how I put that! For me it was a Metaphysical Science of a voyage toward self discovery exploring various aspects of a belief system pertaining to a God or Gods and Goddesses from my Scottish roots in ancient Druid/Pagan ancestry from the British Isles. I just formulated "Applied Schizophrenia" as a science in engineering, as in Metaphysical Engineering, having developed the ability to create a/h through focused meditation. It had brought me to a self awareness peak seven years ago as an Electromechanic, working under the supervision of a Mechanical Engineer. Now I am reaching a new peak with my creative arts and self expression of my story through the Internet. If I keep succeeding the way I am on minimal medication, while putting a belief system to work to control my a/h and get insight into them, what harm am I doing? If I can do it , others can too, be judged as normal while skilled enough to pay ample taxes back into the system. Lets create a snow ball effect of Psychiatrists working more closely with persons with schizophrenia to analysis the pattern of the visual a/p for the Godly creative art viewing for all to see. Like a Psychiatrist said to me in the parking lot at the Montreal General Hospital when discussing the matter, he responded with "There are many ways to approach schizophrenia".

Monday, April 03, 2006

Vernal Feelings Are Coming Forth In Me With Montreal's Good Weather As Our Winter Is Coming To An End
At lot of things have changed since I made my last entry in mid March. I always found myself in a bit of a strange light with my back ground. Part of my character make up is to be my own man, it is easy to pick up habits from the person you hang with, especially if you spend a lot of time them. I learned to occupy my time as a bit of a loner, always looking for that someone special. Seven years ago I started dating my ex common law partner by Quebec/Canadian laws. One of the many reasons that she fell in love with me was that I was my own person and not a carbon copy of another man she had met. I always lead a simple life sorting out my head by developing concepts around my apparitions/hallucinations and where they would fit into modern society. It was always a constant battle the last seven years with Caroline, so many people worked on her to treat me like a person with schizophrenia instead of the man that she fell in love with. Caroline used to love watching me with one of my tools in my hand repairing something around her apartment, as we got to know one another. It seems like no one likes to be corrected by a person with schizophrenia when it comes to how to do engineering or medical practice for a person's potential for low medication levels and active life when diagnosed with schizophrenia. I find myself saying out loud, "Its a dumb life but a good one!", I am finally getting my natural grace back and the thinking mind mode that came with it. Caroline carries a lot of anger from events that have transpired in her life. It is like I ran out of time and money trying to be there for her in her special needs, especially where I had no real amount of family support from her side for her emotional problems. Other men have done a lot of psychological damage to my little Canadian Angel Princess as I call her. I wished she had not stopped writing her blog that she started, I felt that it would get many a emotional out burst of hers developed into a story like myself with keeping my blog. At forty eight years old she finally learned how to do her own taxes and she felt great about it, while she has also stopped playing as much Loto Quebec with her gambling. I always gambled with my life with investing in myself to get out of the lower tax bracket I was stricken with, once given the schizophrenia diagnoses. I did grow in certain ways with Caroline as she grew in her own personal development as an individual. My art came about more strongly but I became more of an angry person always fighting to be treated like an Engineering Technician instead of a person with schizophrenia that amounts to nothing. I have been slandered rather badly around the neighborhood a bit, due to past arguing around the apartment and physical attacks on me. I always handled myself pretty good in awkward situations, especially when we had "Police Interventions" around here. I was always getting myself strapped to bed for being co-operative with the Police it seems, until recently. I think I finally convinced the neighborhood detachment of the Montreal Police Department, that I am not crazy like everyone wanted to make me out to be. I think we now consider it Canadian Coast Guard volunteer training on mental health issues with the Mental Health specialists in the Montreal Police Force. Montreal Police Officers are getting special training for dealing with mental health consumer when "Police Intervention" is required with mental health consumers. I could write posts upon posts about our Montreal Men and Women in Blue securing the streets of Montreal and my run ins with them accidentally, by people calling 911 on me , mainly during the last seven years . We developed a type of patriotic bond that I am not so stupid and I am a "wanna be tax payer" just like them. If you are not so crazy and fully co-operate rationally with getting strapped to a bed and pumped full of drugs, they will be there for you trying to figure out why everyone around you wants the Engineering Technician out of the way. So they had to hide me away every now and again and then I would have to pull off the great escape from Psychiatrists and bed strapping. I always could pull off a Harry Houdini to get out of the bed straps. Last time in I embarrassed the female Doctor and Nurse into letting me go. with trying to pee when strapped to a bed, I used unappropiate language on them, used on men a thousand miles out to sea, I got out with a one way ticket home. Lord love a Duck, talk about quacky boots!!! Stay tuned for the onslaught of my humourous way of telling my tale as I become more of myself with the arts and not a hunched over drugged puppet.