End Of The Semester At Concordia University, Gets Me In A Reflective Mood and Doing Some Art

Just getting around to starting another blog posting, based on the end of the semester at University. My crazy life, I did the surrealist type sketch in charcoal sitting at Java U coffee shop on the terrasse, not far from the University campus, the sky line was my inspiration. (Will get back to this post tomorrow night, it getting late, at least I got motivated to start my post) Well here it is the 19th of April and finally getting back to my blog posting. I have been feeling down in the dumbs with my isolation, I spend too much time alone and it can affect me emotionally. I really enjoyed the last semester in school and doing my term paper. At least I learned something about surrealism in Canada, it proved to be interesting research, yea, what surrealism in Canada, it never really kicked off here. With doing the research paper, I learned that I am very much an "Automatiste" as Artists put it during Refus Global. The charcoal sketch shown in this post came very automatically with very little thought put into it, stemming somewhere from the subconscious and done very quickly. Symbolic in certain ways, between the doctrine of science in University and my own theological thought with my Shaman ways, as they are in conflict as I am first to admit. The squashed beer can on nature, well I can drink a fair bit of beer in my isolation and University life quells my drinking habits some with having something to produce for and getting feed back on, like the papers I hand in. I even laugh at myself with my art, it is like a male cloud of intellect probing a female cloud spirituality of the Church, like my sexual frustration with growing old alone. This type of automatic art comes out a lot in my art work, or am I looking too much into it. I have seen this type of thing in other pieces of my art and I can only laugh. I tend to wonder what an Art Therapist would comment about the piece of art, it was done very quickly as a true "Automatiste" from the subconscious that the Canadian Artist Paul Emile Borduas would possibly be proud of . A basic start of a work of art will come to me and as I work through it, it is like something is telling me what to produce without me thinking much about it, very much how I learned during the last fall semester in school, that I can be a very automatic writer when doing poetry or creative writing. I question if it is part of the hyper active thinking process of the person with schizophrenia coming to light, at least it is a productive way to deal with it. I remember when I had a lot more medication in me when I was younger, my hand would not even do what my brain wanted it to do when I attempted art. I really had to force myself to produce, now I feel grateful that I can take a limited amount of medication and be free flowing in the creative arts or what ever task I take upon myself. Being in school has helped me grow in my artistic endeavors as I learn more about the arts and Artists that proceeded me and what they stood for. It is like one can not re-invent the wheel in art, someone has been there before you exploring this wonderful aspect of life. I am looking forward to the next fall and winter semester in school, I plan to take a course in psychology to help me psychoanalysis my Nurse and Psychiatrist better, while perhaps gaining further insight into myself.

To see more art of mine link to: web site no longer exsists

I Am Doing A Research Paper On Surrealism in Canadian Art History For My University Class And I Learned About My Own Early Art

Here I am coming up the end of the semester in school and I am behind in my commitment in making regular blog postings, so I though I would take a break from my paper and get my blog posting up. Funny how when I first started painting, I was working as a trades person here in Montreal, and here is one of my first painting in a surrealist style, it came from the "magical" way of spiritual freedom of Paul Emile Borduas (The French Canadian Artist behind the Refus Global Manifesto), the magic of my apparition/hallucination from my schizophrenia. This painting on wood was done after having the apparition/hallucination at the bottom of my bed before going to sleep one night, the metaphysical coming to me in my pre-sleep state, I can fall asleep meditating to them some times. All is there in several pieces of art, including the severed body parts that are found in the foundations of surrealism. The metaphysical and creativity is the way I am evolving and always have, it is just what name do you put on schizophrenia, why don't they call us apprentice Metaphysicians. I make my life as I learn in school about the arts, while hospitalized I spent a fair bit of time in the Hospital medical library.

A lot of my first pieces of art are of surrealist direction by definition. Other pieces of my art, that are a form of surrealism, can be viewed in the "Out There" Magazine on the Ami Quebec's website located at , link no longer exsists . I knew nothing about art when I started painting on my own, I called myself an Outsider Artist, I drifted to Urban Outsider Artist as I found myself caught up in city scape as an apartment dweller. Now I am taking a hard look at the direction for my art, I do write surrealist type poetry as well, my very own foundations of my apparition/hallucination metaphysical state assists me to create. It has also helped me on the job in the engineering field as some sort of metaphysical engineer, I do have a versatile background. The severed hand of early surrealism is found on my family crest from Scotland which is older that the surrealist movement in Europe post WWI. What were the Surrealist searching for in there artistic vision, the metaphysical, I found it in my schizophrenia and art. Funny little musing, there is the skull of John the Baptist, the hand of one Saint and the ankle of another Saint buried in the Catacombs of the Vatican, were Surrealists reaching for a metaphysical grave of sort for creative insight.

A Scare With A Sist In My Breast Made Me really Look At My Life

It was early November last year when I was playing guitar, as the guitar body rubbed up against my right breast I would feel a pain. So I took to examining my right breast, then it was "Oh God, a lump". At first it was only the Internet, what were the chances of me haven fallen to breast cancer. Could not find a whole lot on lumps in a male breast on the Internet, other that there were a small percentage of males that get breast cancer. I knew that when I signed the protocol for the research on schizophrenia there was a chance that I could get sists, I had never thought that much about it. With talking to the staff at the Hospital I proceed to call my GP clinic and get an appointment to see a specialist. There was not much of a time lapse and I was in seeing the specialist that would tend to my new medical problem. So when I was in the specialist Doctor's office, one of his first questions was, "Do you smoke pot or hash?" I had to confess to the Doctor that I did smoke pot as a stronger cigarette to help me cope with the difficulties in my life, it had the way of blocking things out I was powerless to resolve. The doctor informed me that smoking recreational drugs can be the cause of my sist. I thought to myself, lovely life, no matter what I do, I get done in. I was also informed that the medication I take could also be the cause.

After an physical examination of my breast the Doctor admitted that I had quite the sizable lump. I was referred for a mammogram and told to stay off marijuana and eat more fruit. Now I had to try and restructure my life and get for a mammogram, I did get taken for a mammogram within reasonable amount of time due to being part of medical research. The mammogram machine is not exactly designed for a male breast. There was a lot pulling and sqeezing to get my tit in the claps for the x-ray. Then it was back to the Doctor when he got the results of the test. Through out this time period I had given up smoking marijuana for stress relief, but did seem to consume a bit more alcohol at times to help me sleep. I felt comfortable going back to the Doctor after the mammogram for the sist had reduced in size over the couple of months of get clinic appointments. The day came that I was to see the Doctor for the mammogram results and I was proud to inform him that I had not smoked any pot since I saw him last and that the sist was starting to dissolve. If it was not once again with something going wrong, with discussion between my Doctor and myself, it was discovered that the test results were written for my left breast when the mammogram was done on my right, and the physical examination was for my right breast. The Doctor admitted it was stupid what happened with the test results, for he was forced to listen to them instead of his own physical examination, but he admitted the lump was getting smaller which was a good, along with it not being cancerous. He then referred me to an ultra sound on both breasts to straighten out the mess.

When I started fishing around for the ultra sound of my breasts I discovered that I would have to pay, yea really with what money. I took the situation to the Research staff that I deal with for the schizophrenia. The Research Assistant then ended up phoning around the hospitals to try and get me an appointment for a breast ultra sound. Finally I got a call from one of the Hospitals and their breast cancer clinic. So in time it was off to the breast cancer clinic for another examination with an ultra sound. As of today it is like what lump in my breast, it seems to have dissolved and I am waiting to get called back to the specialist office for the results of the further testing.

I have hardly smoked marijuana since the scare with the sist and my Psychiatrist wants me to lay off the beer a bit. In the solitude of my isolation I can abuse my body a bit with alcohol to help me sleep. I am now drinking fruit juice instead of carbonated drinks, I do not always eat the best and I am trying to work on that as well. My life consists of being home a lone too much, listening to the radio or getting the evening News. The Hospital programs, my University class and work once a week get me interacting with people, other than that I have nothing for interacting with people most of the time. "C'est la vie" as they say in French and I cope and deal the best way I can in my semi isolation and limited income.