Doc GM's Political Messenger Vol.XXl Edition l

 

Doc GM

Here we are into the new year of 2023, pushing ahead while being deemed fit to work in some capacity, after a lot went wrong for a period of time in my life. I want to get on with my life for getting ahead start in the beginning of the year, while rumours float as I am getting more and more well known as a public figure. Parts of my dark past, being alone with schizophrenia, I try and leave behind me. It was not a easy time climbing on top of my life plateau, while being a diverse person with schizophrenia. I was even a eccentric in my youth, from a young age, while writing and passing written words to certain people over a life time. The habit started young, and my memories are acurate for what I went through, while coming to terms with my mental health situation and issues that come with the diagnosis.

 I spent the day researching a Christian Leader from our recent past, with two Internet sites I became informed what he accomplished in his life time, a motivator with insight, wanting human rights for all. It left me thinking a lot about my own plight in my darker years, being taken wrongly and passing through the courts quickly by stereo-typical judicial practices around mental health, through my eyes as somewhat of a complex, in retribution and peace with me and the Courts.

It is like I broke all the rules of my side bar that I wrote for myself, on what not to do, but things came out in my dark past with mental health issues. Rejection from the moment go around me, I still spend to much time by myself, in the isolation of being me. I tried hard to succeed as a mental health consumer, what I unearthed processing water through my filters, what do I do with the filter wash water? I can not stock pile it. Between my art and engineering I have out grown where I presently live. I came to live here March 2014, the last  8 years past fast, I do not know where the time went. I started processing water the start of October 2022, I proved my point to some, there is some acknowledgement of my pursuit of cleaner water, and the results but it is a hard road to follow by one's self. I need companionship along the way like anyone else, just finding it as I grow older, with mental health and the Courts being part of my life, makes it all the more difficult.

I just survive in the present system in Canada, as an educated man with schizophrenia, without my educational background I would never have been able to accomplished what I have. Living for cleaner water, knowing the results of processing water for health, as the man that I am with determination. Getting close to a woman around my water that I filter, would be forfilling a dream of finding  a life mate. Here with the determination, some meaning and purpose in my life, that carries me through a lot of lonely moments. I can only reflect on older thoughts that I put on the web, yes some were wrong during the dark years of my life. Not having anyone to turn to with my schizophrenia issues, using the web as a release safety valve of emotions was wrong. I had no one but a keyboard while trying to make some sort of reason to life, being a mental health consumer that was not to be believed. My water processing and filters were mentioned in Court, I was deemed delusional over my water theory that I spoke of to my attending Psychiatrist. The Courts listen to the Psychiatrist over my engineering with filtering water. I do not know how many years I have been dragged through the Courts for mental health. I got boxes of Court documents that need properly disposed of. It has been about sixteen years since I first started water processing through filters, lost everything after being pre-cancer in colonscopy and solved my colonoscopy issue with filtering water.  I can hardly make other claims without a Doctor's varification of status and water consumption records from when I started filtering again this past October of last year.

What am I to write? I am having problems by over medicating by the Psychiatrist, she wants to increase medication levels, and I am forced to rebel challenging the Psychiatrist and her power in the Courts. I am sick and tired of over salivating on to my cell phone, and having drools run from my lip, waking up at night with my mouth a mess of saliva with a soaked pillow. All these side effects as I try to work, at what ever it may be to better my financial status by doing labour somehow, other than the daily tasks of taking care of one's self and suroundings that I live in. There is a lot more talk about me in my community, the public pill popper at the pharmacy, it is a pubic display of mental health which should be held behind closed doors. Being a week after "Bell Lets Talk Day" for mental health, and the first day of Black History Month, why  am I still paying the price for the colour of my mind in 2023, with the grey matter of my brain, as to schizophrenia brain analysis post mordom. This lonely fight against the system seems that has the end result of 4000 mental health suicides in Canada each year, of which 75 percent are men. They do drive people to think about suicide, it has happened to me in the past during long term care. I thought about it and wrote on the subject as a way out, somewhere between June 2013 and March 2014, from the mixed emotions of having no one, while locked away in psychiatry needing a way out. That is why people start opting for Doctor assisted suicide, when they can not bear living with their present condition/circumstance. Once again I sit by myself taking on the system, behind a keyboard looking for justice, as a Psychiatrist does me in with medication levels and side effects, while I strive to make a better life for myself. Why is it I always worked, paid taxes and took minimal medication, for the greater part of my life, even although the Psychiatrist was writing on  Government paperwork that I was "unfit for work", to get me benefits. Now I am fit to work in some capacity by Provincial Government standards and the Psychiatrist does not like it. More medication makes it harder to work with side effects, what co-worker wants a person that over drools around them? Then with Valentines day coming up, one has to watch all the kissing commercials on TV, knowing and asking the question, who wants this mouth full of saliva?

Canadian health care is in the news, everyone is concerned with getting the money and manpower for health care, the Federal Justice Minister is speaking on medical assistance in dying, (MAID) Expansion of the Law would cover mental illness, how to make sure death is done right by the help of a Doctor. I know I am not hallucinating the news right now, where as the Psychiatrist says that I do. As a way out, the Justice  Minister could be giving mental health consumers an answer, I am tired of fighting the Psychiatrists, who do not really know me or my needs. Otherwise I would not be in this mess that I am in, with being treated for media hallucinations that I do not have. Now with health care as a Canadian way of life, that is in a crisis to some degree, my Doctor is sending the Police after me to force me to take her perscription levels of a drug which I am opposed to. As she increased it for no good reason, doing what she wants with the power of the Courts. So off I will go with the Police, who know my water processing system from three different adresses of where I  resided on the island of Montreal. They are Soldiers of the Courts and must follow orders, while being taken away I get to yap in the back of a Police cruiser for talk therapy. They know me better than the Psychiatrist does, we kind of trained each other in mental health over the years. More tax dollars being spent to do me in, while in the Police cruiser, I will see how they feel about the conflict of interest with my chemical treatment plan, I value their opinion. Even to the point of when they come to get me, I will show and ask them why it is so difficult for me to develope proto-types. Like my stethoscope probe for health and monitoring the likes of Police cruisers, through comparision studies of sound recordings by the probe for their Head Mechanic. I even approached the city bus system through emails, on the possibility of enhanced mechanical maintenance plan, through use of such a tool as the probe with recordings. Things take time in development phases, I have too many stumbling blocks along the way compared to other business people. 

 

Symbolism of myself in the above image, rebuilding my life in the arts and engineering with tools in my hands like usual. Between the two forms of occuparional therapy I administure for myself, for being an example worker, while on mental health medication , I am making my point about work. Over medicated by my standards for work and capabilities., will the Psychiatrist ever listen to me, and not judge me in a stereo-typical fashion. 

The above image is a result of  an art tool in my hand, which I am getting back at doing more often. The medium used in the drawing is chaulk pastel, I had a source of inspiration from an old calander that has images for each month. 

Doc GM's Political Messenger Vol. XX Edition Xll

 

Doc GM

Here it is the start of another posting, how time flies when one keeps busy. The mental health team I deal with, is now getting to know me for who I am, along with my capabilities for work and building my company. With a lot of blood, sweat and tears as a mental health consumer in a up hill battle, in a Canadian socialist system providing free speach in a democratic society. Hate speach is not tolerated in our system, but I got caught up in it. When I cried wolf and then got deemed delusional over it,  I had nobody, while suppression and denial made me get out of hand  on the Internet.

People in general do not like being told what to do by a mental health person with schizophrenia. The old thought of the weaker mind of a mental health person, with so many people reaching out for mental health these days, we are all somewhat equal. We can be of sound mind, while still needing mental health support, as a fix one way or another in our modern urban jungle. 

It has been a quiet Christmas, mainly by myself, out side of attending Church for the Christmas Sunday service. It has been five years since Mum has passed away this December, I became more of a man being on my own, with no family close by, but taken in somewhat by my street as all sorts became my family in my community. I only have myself for survival tactics, with mental health services here and there along the way. I get my injection tomorrow and regular blood test and weight taken. I have put on a bit of muscle doing the physical labour as part of my routine, it also helps not being so medicated while keeping active. During the month of December with the Quebec Government issue of extra money, I have been buying bottled water and passing it through my filtering process. My filters do eventually clog from passing bottled water  through them. I made a smaller siphoning hose in diameter for handling 4 Litre jugs of bottled water. 

Had a good chat with my Nursing staff this morning while getting my monthly injection, and what it costs for a medium french vanilla coffee in that neck of the woods around the CLSC, that I attend for mental health. On their digital scales, I gained 1.3 pounds in the last month. I am taking a protein suppliment every morning for 10 o'clock morning break, my egg nog laced with the protein suppliment, has paid off over the past month, as I work at various jobs and art to stay active.  I am still on morning vitamin supplements which I take with my breakfast, even popping the supplements, I do it with my cleanest possible water. I pay for print outs and feed hard copies here and there of my water paper called, "Thristing for the Water of Life". A cross between theology and science, backing Moses and the water well concept, as to the properties of the cleanest possible water as a healing tool. I had a hard time getting my plants to grow in my chambers, until I started feeding my plants the cleanest possible water that I consume myself, now my plants are starting to grow more flourishing like, how else do you put it. So here is a picture of my now growing plant as it consumes my processed water like I do. This picture of my plant was taken on December 31 2022. 

I myself have been quite the flourishing plant in society, I forgot things about my life, specially where the first time going into mental health, was by having our RCMP put me in a holding cell, when the Pope John Paul ll was coming to St John's Newfoundland, after that day and night I was put into mental health. I now remember more about my training while being influenced with the media stimulating my memory some. What I went through to succeed as a mental health consumer, I now say I am an Engineering Technician first, mental health consumer second. This is a way of combatting the stigma that surrounds mental health. The system has changed for the better, more public awareness of mental health issues, and of course more people are affected by mental health, post initial covid lock down measures. Everyone handles mental health issues differently, the mind is like the last frontier of medicine, for it is not all black and white with gray matter in between. A mental health dianostic term is for the paper work, everyone is a individual and there is individual insight to coping mechanisms in mental health, what works for one, will not always be the way for another, in a similar situation balancing emotions and feelings. 

Now what is in Canadian society around me, my emotions and feelings are hampered by hurt this Friday the 13th, I was rejected from somewhere for my unjust criminal record, being present in my recent past. No matter what I try to do, there is always a stumbling block in my path, that makes this life in Canada impossible to succeed. Just march to the pharmacy every night, no matter what the weather condition, and pop pills for the Courts, as a reject from society with a criminal record, supposedly controlled by a chemical treatment plan. Tax dollars fighting tax dollars in the Courts with Lawyers, Judges and Psychiatrists doing me in with tax dollars, tax dollars dishing out the pills at the pharmacy, and I pay the price of life with tax dollars paying to feed, and house me. I get tired of it, who wouldn't ? Stigma is alive and well like always, just gets dished out in different ways at various levels of society. Once judged in the Courts, there will always be some form of condamnation along the way, we humans can be vefor a second ry judgemental of character and nature, it is no easy ride through the mental health way of life. 

When one door closes, it is like open a window for a breath of somewhat fresher air for yourself, meditate on it and pick another course of action to find relief from rejection. I got creative with an urban planning idea, and put it in writing. May be something will become of it with some effort put into the concept. Like everyone one else that needs money and security as we evolve with new health measures, while trying to do business when covid is still in our mists, I am determined to get out of the present living situation that I am in, I have out grown this place not drinking and smoking cigarettes. I invested in my water processing that I could bring to a more receptive environment of encouragement and backing. 

Doc GM's Political Messenger Vol. XX Edition XI

 

Doc GM

Here it is in the middle of November, snow came down today in Montreal, giving myself a chance to exercise a bit shovelling snow. It would be good to find a new place to live, the building where I reside right now, well it is on its last legs. With being a mental health consumer, I know the stigma from my Landlord's representative dishing it out to me, while not being a true Canadian but getting rich of the skin of the backs of others. Even my Social Worker in dealing with him, concluded that indeed he is a bigot as a Landed Immigrant. My very own parents were Landed Immigrants to this Country, but they tried hard to adjust and work at doing things the Canadian way, while still maintaining some of the old country's ways.

I am well rounded with a grounding staff though my faith and beliefs,, with a strong influence with my Scottish roots. I am not alone with my friends and family, that took me in their social circle in my nieghbourhood. With them I would have been lost coming out of long term care the way I did. It is like, do not go there, I now leave a lot of my past with psychiary in the hands of the legal office that I have right now.  They have gotten to know me, so has my Pharmacist, from me having to take the psychiatric medication infront of the of the Phamacist for the Courts, along with a home visit once a week. 

Through the home visits by the team of Medical Professionals that I try and work with, they get to see my art and engineering, such as my water processing system. There is no denial that my water filting procedure works, it is a form of occupational therapy within its self, along with my art and engineering that psychiatry once denied me for a period of time. I have been filtering water for cooking and drinking water since Oct 3rd 2022, it takes up a fair bit of ones time, note taking to record what I am doing. Along with revealing  my notes and findings to other oraganizations, industries, and in my neibourhood to my friends and family, along with my Church that I attend. On my well filtered water, I am getting more of my health back and gaining weight, I have gained 2 lbs in a week. Being Sunday today, I get my weight taken again at the pharmacy when I go there, and take the Court ordered medication, which is more of a placebo effect. With watching my weight, I lost three pounds but have more muscle tissue on my body. Searching on the Internet I discovered that muscle is more dense to fatty tissue. My belly has firmed up and I am eating a whole lot better, on the change of medication that I fought for, even although I lost three pounds. I know from the past that one will lose some weight firming up before putting on muscle mass. When one is processing water, you are manipulating 4 Litre jugs of water that are about 10 lbs each, which makes for exercise on a regular basis through out the day.

Funny how ethnic backgrounds can make judging people in different ways a handicap, perhaps due to the ethnic background  of individuals concerned. The first Social Worker that my Landlord's representative talked to on my behalf, was a female. Yesterday a male Social Worker of mine spoke to the building's representive, there was no problem, then again the second Social Worker was a male. Different ethnic groups treat women in different ways, my first Social Worker that spoke to the building management was a French Canadian female, how she preceived the Landed Immirgrant  gentilman, could have been stereo-typical differences from backgrounds of each other.  

Here I sit not knowing what to write, fustrated once again over having no one to have converse with. Knowing what I hear in the media, while having no side kick to discuss what the media is saying, and not handle it alone. Rumours float a bit too quickly like inflation, I have become well known in my neighbourhood, but housed up for the cooler less comfortable days, with the mish mash of what we now call gobal warming and server weather patterns to a northern winter we are faced with now. The COP15 summit is in Montreal and people are voicing  their concerns over the state of what has been done to the Planet. I know the results of my water processing, and the God awful state of the St Lawrence river where we draw our water for consumption, how I make the city water somewhat better than what the city provides. I am even buying and filtering bottled water, for consumption in cooking and drinking when I do not get enough city water processed. There was a program on TV about a research ship for water analysis on the seaway that flows through Quebec, it was a lot to handle knowing something about water myself and what I am getting out the tap.

What came out of my finger tapping over 18 years on the keyboard, some things should never have come out of me, it came from suppresssion and denial, it made me a very angry person. I still trying to pull out of suppression and denial, without having bitter sarcasm being published on the net by me, . Responsiblity came about through some reconition of what I accomplished with my water and theology paper in Google Drive. Even doing my water paper, it was done in the stupidest environment I have to live with, in this aging building that is wearing thin on my nerves.  I still have the nervous disposition about myself, I stopped smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol, my Doctor knows I still smoke some pot and I express my need of help to get off it.  The Pharmacist also knows I smoke, while realizing my situation where I say it is better than valium, and I am also followed by a lung Doctor at this point in my life. I am first to admit mariquania has an addictive nature like tobacco, that is why I need help to stop, like I had tools and help to quit cigarettes. There is still tar in some form in smoking pot that one has deal with, all the chemicals identified in cigarette smoking, to get medical mariquania as a base for a combustion process known as smoking, to lead researchers as a guide for medical consumption of pot with intention to quit.

Through all the years in mental health, I was always deemed unfit for work, but worked any way. Now as of this new year I am fit by some capacity for work, by a Quebec sponsored program and financing accordingly. It can not be held against me that I am unfit for work on documentation any more. I am fit by some capacity to earn a living, no matter how much or how little, I still get the reward of earning a living to some degree, while not being used as cheap labour by the stigma of mental health, which has been present against a person like myself when working or looking for work. Writing and editing my blog is work, my art and engineering is work, which I went to school to do these activities for purpose of duty to grow for self financing. Today's modern age, with computer technology, who is not fit to work in some capacity somewhere or somehow.