Doc GM's Political Messenger Vol III Edition I

New Year Gets Me Being Back On Line Again

I was not one to make entries on my blog when my computer was down from maladies inflicted by spyware. I did get get a chance to make my last entry after meeting with Birks House Artists at the Montreal General Hospital in the Day Center. There is still old staff there that treated me when I came home from the Canadian East Coast diagnosed with schizophrenia. The staff at the hospital seemed to take my aggressive criticism in my blog well, even although my Psychiatrist is at a different clinic now, instead of from the hospital's clinic, I still got called in for my Christmas Gazette Fund here in Montreal. This particular "Gazette Fund" is put together by one of Montreal's leading newspaper named the Montreal Gazette and it helps some the more struggling Montreal people at Christmas in various ways, psychiatry consumers can be assisted in this way through a social worker. The system works in such a way that you can only get one form of Christmas basket from any of the giving charitable organizations at this time of the year, I was always hooked up with the Gazette Fund when I had more struggles with balancing my life with my many eccentric approaches to dealing with my mental make up. I gave the staff at the out patients clinic a Christmas card that I made, thanking them for dealing with my anger while I was figuring out my life with my apparitions/hallucinations. My art is really encouraged now at the hospital and besides doing art for its therapeutic value, it is therapeutic to talk to other consumers about the system that treats us for our mental health issues. As one individual put it to me from Birks House Artists, he bounce from another french run hospital to the Montreal General due to disliking his treatment at the other hospital. He was always content as a out patient with the Montreal General's system but he had never been hospitalized there. He could not believe that I went through the old ritual of the bed strappings. I laugh about it now a bit, it was always a challenge trying to worm my way out of the straps and then go ask for a cigarette, like it was my hero bisket or something. Play on the "Hero" sailor on Players Cigarette packages here in Canada. Not that I want to promote cigarette smoking, as a smoker I am first to say, do not start smoking. I see my cigarettes as a bit of a nerve medication that has bad side effects . Any way, regarding my art with Birks House Artist, I am involved in a group show at the Musee des Beau Arts de Montreal. We are putting together pieces of our own work created through stimulation from a Museum Animator and sections of the Museum's permanent collection. Our art show in the community exhibition hall in the Museum is due sometime this coming spring. I do other art in the form my own creative sketches with my regular mediums of acrylic paint, chaulk pastel and pencil drawings. Some are up for what I call exchange on my website, which is located at http://www.angelfire.com/folk/docgmcreations. Similar to me getting free advertising with a art directory through allowing them to rights of the thumbnail image I sent them and what not. It is apparently just for internal use with the website, Internet Terms and Agreements can be interpreted many ways, you have to think about what you are reading sometimes.You got to give a bit to get a bit, I feel New York City based advertising of my art website is essential if I am going to do something with my art. Unfortunitly my website is not being added to this particular listing, due to their art gallery type of orientation, I admit I have an odd sort of approach to my website. I have my trade as a building technician to help finance my art a bit, I am a young artist so to speak, it has only been the last seven years that I have been applying myself at it. I see it as a more secure option for gaining a pension plan, than that which I have on dis-ability pension and limited work. The Extra Pyramidal Side Effects still get in my way a bit in the morning. I get stricken with attacks shortly after waking up. I have my way of controlling them so that I can work the afternoon and evening. My herbal remedy with my morning tea is not approved or anything, it was just something I bumbled across that seems to help me out. My attending Psychiatrist said to carry on what I am doing if it is proving effective. Reducing stress levels and getting food in me seems to help out too, but it is hard to eat during the morning spells of the EPSE. My now roommate Caroline, is somehow building her own "Hercules Ring" instead of depending on my mine as spouse and it seems to be quelling her Demons of Anger as my own.

My Relationship Ends and We Live As Roommates

With time coming to pass, my spouse and I have drifted apart from having a relationship. There was always a lot of anger in the relationship on both our parts, sometimes Caroline's "Demons of Anger" proved to be more than I bargained for. I will always care for her in a multitude of ways and I hope that she continues to grow in the many ways that she has at my side. We had a very special love that seemed to get lost in the battling between our selves. I always wanted the best for Caroline and most of the time it was made very difficult for me to provide that. Somehow I feel that I must write a bit of a close to the creative works that I put together surrounding our love. She finds it hard due to her stating that she really loves me, I am discovering more about myself sleeping in a separate room, I seem to be getting more of my creative juices back while part of my Shaman instincts are coming forth once again. Caroline said, she has learned a couple of things about me since we no longer share a bed together. It would be hard to explain all that went wrong in the relationship, since I have been on the same medication levels that I was on when I met Caroline, I find myself having to come to terms with a lot of things in my head. Seven years seems like a long time to deal with each others personal Demons but we did grow in different directions, always trying not to argue with each other, we were always both left a bit dazed and confused. I really believed a lot in a future for Caroline and I as friends, as a couple it was like we were oddly matched, never bound to succeed together. I want her to have her prayers answered as I my own, as we resolve our separation. It is hard finding the words on how I feel, I sure that they will come in time. I promised her that I would come back and find her in my youth, which we did do, like she always used to say, I came back too late or I said she gave up looking for me too soon. As all comes to pass, we both personal grew from the relationship with our own anger always getting in the way of each other. I never set out to break her heart, the more we tried to grow closer, the more something came along to tear us apart. There is only so much you can take and one has to start thinking about their own personal well being, which is in effect what I started doing. What the future holds for us I do not know but I am lying low restructuring my thoughts about a lot of things that I got running through my head right now. I want to become that happy person again and not carry the anger in me, that stills brews inside of me from things that transpired while we were going together. I feel like time is on my side again and I have some personal rebuilding to do that I am presently taking upon myself. May the Gods and Goddesses watch over us as we both heal.

Tales From My Crypt At Canada's Parliament Building,

Apparition Or Hallucination

During my last twenty years studying my apparitions/hallucinations(a/h) with my science and engineering background, I am finding the significance in many different ways. I have had many a/h and they still go on, not damaging my life in any way, while the a/h have a positive creative influence over me and fulfilling my childhood search for some sort of spiritual belief system. The tale from my crypt, as I refer to my a/h, this time happen on one of a few excrusions to the Country's Capital City, Ottawa, Canada. I have no diary or log of the sightings happening. A lot of it is in my head, yet to be written and drawings made of the a/p, so I am getting it all out bit by bit through my blog and website at: http://www.angelfire.com/folk/docgmcreations

On my first or second visit to Ottawa when the diagnosis was given to me, I was still a angry man from how my life broke down and I was highly medicated, I often played with the medication levels through lowering them a bit while trying to work with Psychiatrists, as I tried accepting my own silent code of not talking about my a/h. Grant you, the anger I carried over drove into a searching psychotic state from not really knowing how to handle the a/p. My silent code served me well and now is the time for the revealing thoughts and images as I saw them in a semi-psychotic state, I had not learned how to pull out of that state in my early years with the ability to see a/h. I was in Ottawa somewhere in the time period between 1985 & 1990. Taking a tour of our Parliament Building and seeing where the senate sits. Along with other historical part of the Building, such as the hall/lobby where the past Kings and Queen of the United Kingdom are carved in stone on the stone work, in this particular place. Fascinated with the archcutechture, I stood meditating at the last uncarved stone for the Head of State from our ties to Great Britain. The reconizable light force I was growing used to, started coming forth on the stone. I witnessed a bushel of wheat on that uncarved stone leaving me with the conclusion at the time that the a/h had something to do with feeding the Canadian people somehow in a practical or philosophical manner. Funny how my life turned out being guided by a paranormal type experiences/schizophrenia. I am a Philanthropist at heart and searched out answers for my life, working in two different Worlds. One of the paranormal and one of normal every day life, I learned and so could others persons that live with similar schizophrenic issues. It has become a very broad term in the medical practice of today. Like a Psychiatrist said to me in the hospital parking lot, "There are many ways to deal with schizophrenia", I found my way over a twenty year period and what it has given me as an Artist/Writer/Engineering Technician is priceless. The price tag to learning what my life was all about has been worth it in many ways. I have another twenty years before I retire somehow, takes money to retire, which I am still working on to put something in place for my old age. Other tales from my crypt will be revealed in the future through my blog or website.