Doc GM's Political Messenger Vol.l Edition X

Some time in early high school I tried to turn my hand to writing something creative for the first time, I had flopped my self on my bed with pen and paper in hand. I remember gazing off into my room then feeling a strange presence, it was as if this feeling I had of my hand being guided to write, following is what I wrote: He has sailed many seas And I always sail with him His ship is so huge But no room for crew For he will be laughed at But he holds the helm of the Answer And I will always sail with him I believed in what I wrote and the inspirational energy that gave me the words, it carried me through a lot of bad times when I entered the mental health system. I ended up painting a schooner and putting my art work with this deserving creative words. Even to today I am left thinking about what I wrote and the way that it still carries me through some aspects of my life, like there was a guardian angel of some sort watching over me some times.I believed in this thought because of the presence I felt in the room at the time, leading me to believe in more than just the physical that we know. The painting that was done to go with the words can be seen on the amiquebec.org web site in the OUT THERE Magazine under my pen name Doctor Goober Modesty.

Doc GM's Political Messenger Vol.l Edition lX

Injected torture with Court ordered injections very two weeks, that I have to go for, if I do not go voluntarily, police will be used to make sure I have my injection. Even with trying to negotiate the dosage  with staffs, so that I can escape the unpleasant side effects, they fail to help me cope better with side effects, attempts fails to solve side effects. Since I am suffering muscle contractions to much for my liking, there is to be no change in medication levels. The Court order is the Court order. My mouth now starts moving now as a side effect and I feel awkward being in this state, I have a prescription for side effect pills which do not seem to help much, they also have an side effect of causing blurred vision. When ever the injection peaks in my body, I get the most side effects with contracting muscles around the stomach and rear end. The love of my life hates seeing me in this state, with not much we can do about it. When I was young and on the same medication I did not have all these side effects, I guess it is harder to take as you get order. The contractions interrupt me from focusing on what I am doing, when a contraction starts it can pull muscles taunt on my left side of my body and holding for a couple of seconds. Until I gain my composer again, it is demoralizing and leads me into slight mood swings. I have lost heart in doing things since riding out the two year sentence on injections. Five months to go and then what happens? Will the medical staff ruling my life trust me with pills again? I always consumed less than what I was prescribed and was leading my life trying to be a working man. Drinking beer and partying to socialize got me a long way. When I stood up to defend part of my educational background to the mental health system, it  was used against me, which lead to multiple hospitalizations, hence the court order came about standing up for the national building code. I now feel different from what went on during the fighting years over the national building code against my old 2004 ex girl friend and her family, from this now edited posting and how I now feel what went on. I was left picking up the pieces on a medical welfare budget of my income over the years with some art and engineering work every now and again.

Doc GM's Political Messenger Vol. l Edition Vlll

Twenty Years This Year As A Mental Health Consumer Normally accumulation of years are celebrated some how, but there is nothing to be proud of and no celebration. As it comes to pass I am nearing the end of court ordered injections, it has been a very argry time for me, as time came to pass I slowly mellowed out. A reflection of my anger is found in these creative piece I wrote after my injections. I had gone for coffee to write the feelings of resentment for my situation. The Political Asylum Over taken with the burden of the "schizo" Every graduation through society's system Reels me back a notch or two in survival Its not my mind that rots my life as a "schizo" Its how the system is designed for us not to survive What is there to boost about the system That processed me with the burden of the "schizo" Over taken by the metaphysical, hence "schizo" Changing in graduations through my psychological system Taking back a notch or two in survival Its not the metaphysical that rots my life,its the label "schizo" The strive to design a system to better survival Is where I have to boost about my system To process the Political Asylum as not to be "schizo" Mystic Prison Caught up in the demolition of my sacred soul The Courts rule the injected poison Smothering my inner desires to be free Of my dillusional medical over seer Who is caught up in his own dogma of thought My past is held against my intellect The present brings conflicting idealogies Which makes the future not so quite mine Mordern science has put the mystic in prison The psychiatric rule of thumb is up their ass The power of ones mind is a delicate issue It can self destruct the body of being Then again it equates the justice of freedom Finding balance throught the knowledge of the years Which is disregarded with an injectable cure The middle ground for survival is torment Living out court orders is not a cure It robs one of intellectual integrity Dillusional at what may I ask Being a mystic at heart and lived it With the court order on me while looking for work, it is public knowledge through the Court House and comes out on back ground checks, which happens more often since 9/11 according to the RCMP. The only black mark on my record and now the Court House has it, twenty years after. (Note: Dec 19th 2007, I past in the court house for two smoking infractions and having a knife on me that was too big by Municiple Law over the years, things I forgot about while medicated and writing this post)I am still looking for work, to add to some building cleaning that I do once a week, while supported by my girl friend of common law. In the mean time I will just keep blogging and developing my art and learning to play music while looking for work.