Finding My Way While Having Very Little, Trying To Cope With The Stigma Of Mental Health And How One Is Treated As A Weaker Human As A Result Of It
I have a complex about my mental health situation, going back around 15 years now, I was giving blood donations, getting through some university schooling and building an art career. Around that time I started processing water through my own filtration process. I have lost everything more than once in the hard school of mental health knocks. My engineering was deemed delusional by mental health staff and I became all the more bitter with intoxication of aggression on a keyboard with the whole situation. Now faced with pretty well only having a chemical treatment plan, while still having no one to talk about issues with, since when and why I got my first arrest. The system and the Courts do not have the money or will, nor the desire to sort out the truth, or I would not be in the mess I am in with psychiatric care. What went on around Psychiatrists and I in court, nobody wants, it is demeaning. The little schizo as a burden to society, that psychiatric patient that must be controlled by the Courts, instead of a round table of compromise. I am going on 62 soon, life should have become a little bit easier, somehow to prevail in the system with the "schizo/ genuis" concept, which psychiatry says they have not encountered before. I had inventiveness in engineering at a young age, before consuming any alcohol or smoking pot. Which could explain why I had such a hard time at mental health, I had a education at my side as a mental health consumer with the attached schizohrenia title, that always tried to work in engineering. One could say their was something different about me from a young age, being bullied a lot for example, as I grew to what I have become with my qualities and down falls in suppression. I still try to make something of my life with the limited help I do get with social services in my Province and some self employed income from errands, along with looking for additional work in my field of engineering.
I wanted a round table agreement being made in mental health around me for a long time, the mental health act failed around me, looks like I am going to get a mess of facts sorted out, through cross referencing my medical file and blog as a testamony of my life since 2004. I do have interlectual property like anyone else, it is just why, can I not reap some financial rewards from it all. I was one of the first rhesis babies and was given blood transfusions and experimental medication to keep me alive from birth. I had a skin rash on a finger going through high school, the cream did not come cheap. When I started smoking pot under age, wrong as it was, but it seemed to help with the iches and flaking/cracking of skin on my finger. Now I am on lung medication for what my lungs have been through from the ships, industry to smoking combustibles. It is quite the process to stop smoking alone, with the pressure cooker of mental health for a balancing act, nervous as I am, I am still not consuming cigarettes or drinking any alcohol.
I have got my present Mental Health Team working more on my side for the Courts, doing a comparison study between my Welfare State Office, medical file, and my blog for dates and all with what has transpired. Ones signs paper work with a Social Worker that they have access to my Welfare file, so does my Lawyer.
The science of theology does not mesh well with the science of psychiatry, I was deemed delusional over processing and filtering water using natural spectrums of light, that are part of rhe Trinty while also being found in nature. I was pre-cancer at one point and solved that problem with my Doctor in colonosopy, through a water filtering process. Exodus to Moses, cleanest water well to heal with a team effort along side medicine, through reverse osmosis on water, as taught and trained, between engineering science and theology, of this devine Planet. How to pick up all the pieces of what we have become with divide and fractured terms of thought. Environmental politics to start preserving as much of our urban salvation, no matter what habitat with the changing climate, I keep these two coins in my pocket as a reminder of my Canadian roots, and the Peace Tower in Ottawa:
I am still left wondering why it is so hard for me to earn a living, but things are turning around, with acknowledgement of my capabilities in my roaming around the city, trying to accomplish more in my life with my skills at hand. Art and engineering are both developed skills I worked at, with the age of me and being stunted in financial growth from various sources, it is now unravelling over time between regulatory bodies what truths lie out there around me. As people get to know me personally, I am not the problem that mental health made me out to be in the Courts. With being alone I have lacked good conversation, and to have an editor to help a bit for my blog even, could come in handy. I just told my mental health story, it was not all a pretty picture of what mental health can be like, truth usual does cause some crunching and pain along the way, the system did not like my version through an educated consumer perspective.
I was searching for something long ago, I did not really know what it was. Finding an answer spiritually was part of it. Once in hospital, when first entering mental health in 1984, I said I wanted to study theology. Later in life, like the recent past and the present, I am finding myself with my roots of Christianity, while coming out of a cave in thought. Will the Psychiatrist question what happened to me, through thinking out side the psychiatric box, so that they see there is more to my engineering, art and being as a mental health consumer, than they actually saw me as.
I fired out on the Internet, and wrote somethings I should not have. I also viewed and heard newsclips I wish I did not see or hear. Mental health staff said I hallucinated the TV and radio, when I was not. I made a lot of mistakes under this suppression, which was even denied around me as well. Bitter and still looking for and desiring a qualitive conclusion to substantiate justice, for me and others in mental health that find themselves in the Courts, from being accussed of something. The mental health consumer is not always to blame, some of us are bullied as a weaker being, as in my case, so there must be others in the same perdicament.
The above work of art has become a bit of a contraversey unfortunitly, I will explain some of the art. In grade 7, the apple of my eye was a Canadian Indigeous gal. Up in the woods as a teenager, I made an actual hatchit/tomahawk, and gave it to my first sweet heart. The atire around the waste is a cross between a Scottish kilt or Roman Century, as to an original Native design of loin cloth of buck skin, with some bit of a present day steel toe boot on. Then a Bowie knife in the left hand. The sun in the upper right corner, is a mandela in art. Siymbolizim in art can be very powerful, from cave drawings in anthopology, to forging stone in shape and form to produce art with electric tools, to charcoal on paper as seen below.
Like someone said to me, in my neighbourhood with my family of friends, now that we have raisen in popuality in street talk, we have to watch what we say and do more closely. That includes what I write, draw and engineer as a technician. Trying to earn more money by putting my body back to the physical labour. My GP Doctor wanted me in a gym working out, to improve my condition after a couple of examinations. I could not really afford a gym and all, working to keep in shape while covering for one of the building team. Now we are all going fishing for a bit, it is just what we are baiting our hooks with, to get ahead in a Urban Jungle of a Metropolous.
Going fishing for answers still, what I found in my blog, yes it was American bashing, but I had to deal with a rebel flag bandana over the National Building Code and what went on with me fighting back with nothing but a key board. How do I pray for our American cousins in North America, I have family in various parts of the States, how do we keep deadly weapoins in North America in the correct and appropiate hands through tuffer legislation, to have more resourceful laws around gunpowder and associated machanical equipement. What ever goes on in the urban jungle, I have become very much more known with my engineering and creativeness in the arts.
