Here A Holy Saturday During Easter Weekend And I Am Left In Awe With What My Life Has Become
Where do I start finding answers for my life, wanting a new start without all the psychiatric Courts hanging over my head. It is like a noose strangling me like always, with the life of poverty as a rope which draws tighter around my neck. The need and want, to succeed with my education in engineering, it is like Canada has no place for me. As a mental heath consumer that is well grounded, while angry with what this country did to me as I evolved as a person, it is like going through the "Canadian School of Hard knocks", I tried to succeed with education and skill development over the years. While enduring many huanting memories from my past, elementry school bullying as an example. I witnessed things I wish I did not. Been through experiences I wish I did not go through. Yet I still plug away to earn a bill to cover expenses with the war and inflation at the present rate.
Having become developed in my writing skills, since being to school learning how, it has become a bit of a weapon for self defense and attacking the unjust over worked system. "The System", which is trying to run my life in some fashion, as an abused product of the mental health system, makes it even more difficult to succeed. The preconcieved notions of Medical Professionals in psychiatry that over see my care, they have never treated me as an equal partner in my treatment plan, the dictatorship becomes unbearable, what is so Holy about pill popping for the Courts? I do not consume alcohol nor cigarettes, I still use pot for my nerves, due to the fragmented parts of my life, what else do I have for now?
My Saturday night, just got back from popping pills for what? They, the Psychiatrists, say I hallucinate radio and TV.......so I pop pills for the Courts.....
Venturing onward this Easter Sunday, caught in a stale mate between pharmacuteical science and rational thinking of myth and legion around believing in scriptures. Who and what I am as of Easter Sunday 2022, being so outward in writing as a fustrated individual, just beginning to get the drift of what is happening in society on the whole. Like it was said in the scriptures, how Jesus mentioned that society is a viper pit, he was not that far wrong! I am often psycholgically bitten by flash backs from my life, with being 62 soon, everything that happened that should not have happen in my life, to getting things that I should have had when younger for more positive life patterns. Some call it a late bloomer, with me it will be really really late.
How ever late it takes me to better my life, I had a God given right to education and I applied myself in my field of study, in various ways while inventiveness came out many times. Some acknowledge what I have done with my expertise in engineering, while being a mental health consumer at the same time. Feeling the injustices of North American society, while viewing the injustices of the Ukraine, Russian war on TV, somehow wanting to make sense of what makes no sense. I am trying to make some sense of my life somehow, where it basically makes no sense. I am hurt and discouraged by mental health that I am faced with now that it is 2022. I am an angry man like my Father was, with what has transpired, especially around my paper on theology and water science. The science of the cleanest water for consumption for the benefit of good health and what one may deem, reproductive science for gene mutation correction factor. Why did I come across the paper on the subject?
I have a fare bit of editing to do, takes time
The Courts and ridicule of the them came up in the News tonight at supper, I took my angry side out on the Courts as a Mental Health Consumer several times over the years. It was really hard, being dragged through the Courts for the state of ones mind, alone with no one but a key board. It should never happened that way, I once had a Social Worker that knew me, testify on my behalf, it should always be that way from my own past experience. Being alone with a chemical treatment plan enforced by the Courts makes no sense, it just consumes precious tax dollars with no consideration of alternative therapies, like getting back to work, to better ones life and financial status.
Who is to blame for the deaths found in war, the Generals of armies or the Politicians of controling influence ? How many deaths on the free streets of democracies, along with homeless in democracies trying to survive in varies temperate zones of this Planet Earth? Where do I find someone to survive with the stupidity of my life in Canada! I was once asked by Google in a "digital question", forget the question, but my answer was to the effect, "I hold Google in good faith they would not abuse thier position with me using thier service, and in the same light, Google can hold me in good faith that I would not abuse their services." It was along that line. Political influence could have been a result, where trouble came about around this original agreement. What transpired with myself becoming homeless and rebuilding as a mental health consumer with a solid education, how to explain and justify what all went on over my attempt to filter my water for consumption. What, my work was wanted, but I was not due to the colour of my mind, the grey matter of schizophrenia. I was an early rhesus babies in 1960 that survived, through multitudes of blood transfusions and as a last resort to keep me alive, my Father gave the Doctor premission to use an experimental drug on me. I am here to tell the story.
I had a good conversation with one of my Nurses and then a telephone appointment with my General Practician in Medicine. It is funny what has come out between the two medical personal and myself today. How would I put it, my GP Doctor gave me a new way to look at my life, as compared to always dealing with what became an unbalanced psychiatric treatment plan, the GP seems intent to sort out what he found while scanning my file during conversation on the phone.
As I say to a few people, stimulate my memory, or I have my own blog since 2004 to stimulate my own memory, for a Court room par-say. It is too easy to say I do not remember. I remember pre-kindergarden with my first proto-type and calling for my Father, he knew what to to with it, with his working affilation with the Canadian Military. Dad had me on a Canadian destroyer as a teenager, my position was his apprentice, like I always was around the house. Even to the point of brewing beer and wine making for Mum together. After through a lot of probmatic situations, with a anchor weight of a cross on my shoulders as I struggle through political praise as Engineering Technician, with over due compliments from the Prime Minister of Canada. Mental Health Professionals never believed me about my media attention, while having to go give blood and deal with them in the morning.
Another day of some work and earning my two bits, while finding some time to make an entry. Justin, Canada's Prime Minister has made reference to my words and character. Justin as the Government representaive that you are, any budget to get dancing shoes polished up spit shine black, personally I need a pair to get to Church on time.
Well how do I put it? I got my tools working again on time and still making it to Church through zoom on time! My Canadian social sercurity cheque issued by the Province of Quebec, complimented by a whopping Quebec pension cheque and medication card, with education it got me down the schizo/genuis road to where I am now as a leader in steel toe boats, while I am getting to taste of success again in my own little hell hole through keeping my tools on a building dwelling maintaince team working.
