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Friday, January 28, 2005

Extra Pyramidal Side Effects Were The Cause Of My Torture
Over the course of the time period that I was on court ordered iniections, I was on two different types of injections, I had changed medication due to undesirable sexual side effects. The first medication that I was on stopped me from getting sexual aroused. It could have been the medication levels and anger combined that did it to me, but a change of medication was pursued to resolve this unwanted side effect. On the second injectionable drug I requested instead of the first, it lead to extra pyramidal sides effect (EPSE), which brought on the early parole for the court order from injections. The haloperidol that I take now, at the low dosage of 3mg a day, seem to have put a end to the extra pyramidal side effects, except on scattered occasions. Three weeks ago, in my music lesson with the hospital music therapist, the extra pyramidal side effects struck really bad. I do not usually go for a cigarette break during my one hour music lesson but this time I had to, the EPSE made it very difficult to function. That evening I discussed with my girl what we should do. We came to the conclusion together that it was best to skip the medication for two nights on the weekend and tell the nurse Monday morning. I can not function well with the EPSE and I had to find a way to control them while still taking medication. My spouse marked the calendar and keeps track of how I am doing over all. After taking the two day break from the medication I started taking the meds again at the regurlar dosage. It stopped the EPSE for thirteen days then it was slowly started up again, then I stopped the pills for one night to control my medication levels in my body as not to be afflicted by the EPSE. Tonight was the second night that I have taken my regular meds since skipping the one evening medications. I do a better job while doing my once a week cleaning of a small office building, while having more pride with going about every day life. I am more talkative now that I am on lower medication levels compared to the court ordered injections that I have just come off. My belly has seemed to get a bit smaller with me having more energy and maintaining a healthier life style with daily activity. I do not lay down any more during the day and I am proned to getting up earlier while my spouse is getting ready for work. I enjoy being awake in the morning while she is getting ready to head out in the morning, I had slept away a lot of time when on the higher dose of injections and it was not much of a life that we had together but we persevered over the two years that I was on a fixed dose by the court ordered injections. The court order was not really a cure for any thing, it hampered my life with the EPSE more than any thing else, I would not wish what I went through on any one. It was really hard for the one that I love to watch me go through the EPSE, her child would ask me if I was dieing or not, it was that bad at times. It is good to have control of my life again while keeping a high moral through out my days, I would never want to end up on court ordered injections again, and have to face higher dosages and the accompanied side effects.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Mysticism and Schizophrenia Make For A Fine Line
After doing some research on the web about mysticism and schizophrenia, I found that there is a wealth of information pertaining to these two subjects. There has always been general knowledge in people that genus and craziness can be closely related, the way I see it in my life the aspect of mysticism grew to be very much a part of me. I was drawn to it from a young age, and it developed in me in different forms. I used to meditate to clear my mind and think of nothing by keeping the mind blank and end up listening to my body with a slow breathing. I would get a ringing sound in my mind that was not irritating, while staying focused on it and keeping my mind blank in meditation. In my mid twenties I bought my self a set of Tarot cards to investigate and I ended up doing a far bit of research on their history. I found a way to use the cards to forfill a mystical spiritual need in me. I developed a believe system around the cards that was a bit different from most printed material on how to use the cards. It served me well and have not used them for quite some time. I keep them beside my bed with my bible, I have at times turned to the old and new testament for guidance during troubling times. Every night my girl friend and I say our nightly prayer of togetherness, before going to sleep. An example of how prayer works with mental health issues comes from a newspaper article that I read once that was posted on the bulletin board in the hospital psychiatric ward, it stated in the article that it was found that mental health patients that have the power of prayer coming from family and friends seem to fare better than those that are not prone to getting prayers said for them. My parents go to church on a regular bases, and have done their fair share of praying for me over the years, while I succeed better than others in the system that I know for coping with the schizophrenia issues. I am also drawn to going to St. Josephs Oratory here in Montreal to light a candle and say thanks. The ambiance of the Oratory makes for a mystical setting, I went there when I was single for mystical needs and now my girlfriend and I will go together. We also have shared doing the Tarot cards together, for we each have our own deck of cards, they fill a spiritual need that we have together. So in my case the idea of being a bit of a mystic sticks with me, I found that believing in something greater than my self with this appoach appeased me and has guided me well. Now that I have access to the web I find more than enough reading material to stimulate my mystical growth with my schizophrenia issues of apparitions/hallucinations. The way I see it, there is more to my apparitions/hallucinations than meets the eye. They are a valid subject matter to be analysis and talked about, but I found that only a few people are comfortable talking about them and not just striking them off as delusion. They have insired some art, music and at times some good story telling to open ears that are not too judgmental. There is a lot living with schizophrenic issues and medication only makes for a small part of treatment, developing the schizophrenic issues into something positive and mystical helped cope with the issues and made my life better.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

In My Youth I Took Cod Liver Oil
There seems to be a lot of new research gearing to cod liver oil and omega-3 fatty acid. In my youth I had very good parents when it came to being fed. Mom would have the table set for breakfast and we all took our cod liver oil in pill form before eating. It was also in my diet to consume a lot of toast and sardines in the evening, sardines are all so very good to get fish oil in to your diet. When I left home and went to the Canadian Coast Guard College I had stopped taking the cod liver oil pills, but had a staple of fish in my diet in college. My Mother always gave me tins of sardines in care packages over the years. I have gone off them recently but have started consuming a daily pill of cod liver oil, I also intend to get back to eating my toast and sardines in the evening. When I was single I had a pretty bad diet living on my own. I was never one that liked having breakfast until 10 am or so, it was like I needed time to wake up in the morning before eating. I was never much of a fish eater except for my sardines and shell fish. I always get a assortment of snails and oysters in the can at the Dollar store in my area. All my favorite shell fish that cost a bit more money are really good for control of your omega-3 fatty acid from what I interpreted reading on the web. I found it ironic how I was a consumer of food that was supposedly good for getting oils into the body which has the possibility of helping persons with schizophrenia. I know what it is like to not hold down a proper diet during my years of consuming alcohol while socializing in the bars. With the stability of my relationship with my spouse I do not consume alcohol like I used to, and I do well for eating now that I have my disability pension. I have always been relatively healthy with not too many medical problems out side of psychiatry. I am one that is very fortunate due to never getting head aches unless it was self induced with alcohal, nor do I catch the flue very often and if I do I usually sweat it of in my sleep. I am not at the family Doctors very often, it psychiatry that has caused me to rack up my medicare costs as a Canadian, I found it easy to survive as a person with schizophrenic issues in Canada and would not trade my life for much. I have always been relatively happy in life in or out of psychiatry, it was the the treatment in psychiatry that has brought on anger in me. I coped and dealt with my anger pretty good as I developed dreams and a pathway in life with my good old self coming back to being, with healing over time.