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Thursday, December 22, 2005

My Relationship Ends and We Live As Roommates
With time coming to pass, my spouse and I have drifted apart from having a relationship. There was always a lot of anger in the relationship on both our parts, sometimes Caroline's "Demons of Anger" proved to be more than I bargained for. I will always care for her in a multitude of ways and I hope that she continues to grow in the many ways that she has at my side. We had a very special love that seemed to get lost in the battling between our selves. I always wanted the best for Caroline and most of the time it was made very difficult for me to provide that. Somehow I feel that I must write a bit of a close to the creative works that I put together surrounding our love. She finds it hard due to her stating that she really loves me, I am discovering more about myself sleeping in a separate room, I seem to be getting more of my creative juices back while part of my Shaman instincts are coming forth once again. Caroline said, she has learned a couple of things about me since we no longer share a bed together. It would be hard to explain all that went wrong in the relationship, since I have been on the same medication levels that I was on when I met Caroline, I find myself having to come to terms with a lot of things in my head. Seven years seems like a long time to deal with each others personal Demons but we did grow in different directions, always trying not to argue with each other, we were always both left a bit dazed and confused. I really believed a lot in a future for Caroline and I as friends, as a couple it was like we were oddly matched, never bound to succeed together. I want her to have her prayers answered as I my own, as we resolve our separation. It is hard finding the words on how I feel, I sure that they will come in time. I promised her that I would come back and find her in my youth, which we did do, like she always used to say, I came back too late or I said she gave up looking for me too soon. As all comes to pass, we both personal grew from the relationship with our own anger always getting in the way of each other. I never set out to break her heart, the more we tried to grow closer, the more something came along to tear us apart. There is only so much you can take and one has to start thinking about their own personal well being, which is in effect what I started doing. What the future holds for us I do not know but I am lying low restructuring my thoughts about a lot of things that I got running through my head right now. I want to become that happy person again and not carry the anger in me, that stills brews inside of me from things that transpired while we were going together. I feel like time is on my side again and I have some personal rebuilding to do that I am presently taking upon myself. May the Gods and Goddesses watch over us as we both heal.