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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

It Has Been A While Since I Wrote, So Here Is Why
Since my last posting at the end of April, I have been busy making sure that my art on the internet is not too easily stolen by printing, saving to disk or hard drive, or e-mailed with out my permission. After all, it is my art and if it is used for money making purposes, I should get something out of it. Then there was the other side of my life, dealing with medication levels, so I would not have to suffer the Extra Pyramidal Side Effects. With my science and engineering back ground, I am aware of the concept of upper and lower limits. It is used in many applications within the engineering field. During my years trying to earn a living as an electromechanic, I always self medicated at lower medication limits so I could produce on the job as effectively as possible. I have letters of recommendations from old employers from this time period. I must have being doing something right, but the psychiatrist was perscribing medication at upper medication limits, making it impossible for me to function at peak performance. So I self medicated, down from his levels of prescribing anti-psychotic. Once again recently, I ended up battling out the stupidity of the Montreal General Hospital, with them always wanting upper medication limits for me, so I can not function and suffer Extra Pyramidal Side Effects. The Psychiatrist told me, I more or less have to accept the side effects it is par for the course. The first experience I had with this type of treatment, was during my first hospitalization at the Montreal General Hospital, after returning to Montreal, troubled with my para-normal experiences that I was exposed to on the east coast of Canada. It was all drug treatment, if you spoke to a nurse about any thing, they would rush at the end of the shift, trying to write all the events of the shift in the various files. An example of a really stupid entry into my hospital file, (I gained access to my hospital file at one point) is basically as follows. I was being discharged from the hospital for the first time and receiving an injection of anti-psychotic medication, during my injection, I had said to the nurse as a old sailor from the Canadian Coast Guard," Finally, my ship is going to set sail again". A small philosophical statement about getting out of hospital, that was it! In turn, the nurse wrote a whole paragraph on how I was so dillusional as judged from my statement. The attending psychiatrist had told my mother at this time, that I would amount to nothing but a disfunctional person with schizophrenia. In laymans terms, they did not care what happened to me, I was a lost cause at 25 years old. So I got out of hospital, when the injection kicked in, I would just lay in bed all day, too drugged to do anything. When I did try and feed my self, I would have drools running off my lips as I was making my lunch. My mother finally got fed up with the situation and layed into the Psychiatrist on the phone, with all the anger of a true Scottish Mother, concerned for her son's health. Twenty years later I still carry my mother's anger from this time, plus my own anger for the abuse that was administered to me by Psychiatrist insisting on upper medication levels for treatment. From my experience, the Doctors all stick together like glue. If you complain to a General Practitioner about how the Psychiatrist is treating you , he will not he involved. The Psychiatrist knows best. Like now, I was told that if I do not like the treatment, find another psychiatrist. So that is what I am doing now, trying to find a Psychiatrist that values engineering logic when applied by a patient who whats to succeed and not lay in bed all day drugged out while experiencing Extra Paramidal Side Effects. Right now I am taking 2mg of Haloperidol after supper, no side effect or constipation medication is required. Either my spouse or I, mark the calendar when I take the medication, while I only skip days when I have an onslaught of the Extra Paramidal Side Effects. Going back to what I wrote about my Psychiatrist telling my Mother I would amount to nothing but a disfunctional person with schizophrenia, if I had always listened to the medical staff that over saw me, I would have amounted to nothing and lived on welfare, heavily medicated all my life. I fought the system with all my best shots and the Montreal General Hospital with there Out Patient Psychiatric Clinic make themselves out to be idiots all the time. For example, when the Psychiatrist that treated me last when I was in hospital, put the court order on me for injections, there was a conflict of interest and justice was not served properly. The first Law Firm that I went to get help to present me in the court house, could not do so, due to the Law Firm holding accounts with the hospital at the time. Then my second pick for a Law Firm took me on. Then at the court house I found out that the Doctor, that I was in Court against, was good buddies with my Lawyer. They socialized together out side the office, it was a conflict of interest!!! Who was served the best interests, certainly not me. The Psychiatrist that treated me under the court order could not even see how it was a conflict of interest.
Once again he started to lean towards more medication for my prescription when I brought this conflict of interest up. Just like the over seeing medical staff always wants me on another injection where they can control the medical level. It is like the Medical Faculty that runs a lot of Montreal teaching in medicine can not accept that Doctor Goober Modesty can be productive, have a good home life, enjoy people and in turn have people enjoy me in conversation, while taking 2mg of anti-psychotic medication to stay out of hospital. The only ones that gain from the psychiatric treatment that I know, is the pharmaceutical Companies, and the Doctors and Nurses getting their pay cheques, to ensure I am too drugged to work while Provincial Government Welfare fits the bill for my rent and food. If any one whats to challenge me on this hospital type bashing , feel free to contact me , I will send you excerpts from my hospital file to back my self up. So that may be, the world of shizophrenia will become something better for the next person getting trapped in the system with the diagnoses of schizophrenia. Which reminds me, I should get another updated copy of my hospital file, it has become so big and fat with scribbles that you usually have a hard time reading to make out. Stay tuned for more hospital bashing, if this is the only way the McGill Medical Teaching Facility will learn to listen or read a person with schizophrenia correctly, so be it!!!