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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Will I Get Early Parole On My Court Ordered Injections
As it turns out, I ended up in the hospital emergency, after my common law girl friend called Info Sante on the phone while I was under going severe muscle contractions. The peek of the injection lasted from Friday morning to Sunday evening,when she made the phone call it was recommended that I go to emergency. After treatment and the result of my visit, it was recommended that I get the court order lifted to rectify my situation. Here is part of the communique with my lawyer about my situation.
When I got out of hospital at the beginning of December 2002, I more or less slept the winter away from the medication levels in me. Waking up in spring I soon tried looking for work and got some temporary work in my trade which petered out as of December 2003. Since then my quality of life for my family has deteriated due to side effects of the medication. Sluggishness, blurred vision, stiffness in the joints and torturing muscle contractions which make it difficult to work. The hospital recommended for me to apply for disability pension which I did do and I am still waiting to be accepted. The application was made in March 2004 and I was due to receive benefits July 1st 2004, but I am still waiting due to a backlog of applications. In the mean time I have been supported by my common law girl friend with her now trying to hold down two jobs, to pay the the bills to not much avail. I was trying to get back into the work force but can only do my two hour a week cleaning due to the extreme side effects that are effecting my life at present.
Due to the nature of my family situation with my girlfriend and her daughter, can any thing be done to speed up the disability pension process so I do not drag my family down into poverty any further or much longer. It has been the curse of the court order that has hampered my life so that I could not help provide for my family setting.
A Doctor at the hospital spent time to get me an art grant from a pharmaceutical company, but I could not have it at the time due to having to take court ordered injections and unable to take pills. The court ordered injections happered me here too, thus maintaining poverty status. C'est la vie !!!!

Friday, September 17, 2004

My Old Fan
I had this old brass fan from about the 1920's, it had a black cast iron base with a motor that once oscillated , the unprotected brass fan blade was a weapon when running up to speed. I was given it by a friend I had met in 1987. I used to collect brass items and he thought that it would be a good addition to my collection, so he gave it to me. I repaired the on/off switch so the electrics could work, the oscillating gearing was missing parts and never got repaired from lack of money to get them made.
By the fall of 1987 I was not taking any medication, for I stopped taking the injections for the first time. I had lost my job as an apprentice electromechanic from my shaman antics coming back into my life. It was like I was haunted by past demons from when I was on the east coast of Canada at work in the off shore oil industry. It was early fall and I had turned on the fan more for having the amusement of it running, I had kept the fan blades polished so the brass blades reflected light. This one particular time though, I was standing in the living room watching the blades cutting the air in rotation. A whitish hase came to be in the center of the running blades, it took shape and illustrated its self into a head of a oriental man. Some how it was like we were watching each other for the time span while it was there in the running fan blades. After a small lenght of time the image dissolved in the same fashion that it appeared. The incident made me think of an old dream I had while living on the east coast of Canada. I had dreamt that I was standing smoking a joint with some one from the military of the then U.S.S.R. We were also commenting on the fact that we had better watch out for the oriental military force in China. I remember that on the morning I woke up from having the dream, it was on the radio news that an explosion had occurred at a military base in the Baltic region of the Soviet Union. I always seem to feel that it was like there was an unspoken of, parnormal war between nations fighting to have that ultimate metaphysical weapon. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I wore a Canadian uniform in the Coast Guard and always believed strongly that Canada should be a force to be reckoned with in international politics. This always played a theme in my shaman antics while finding my way through my apparitions/hallucinations.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

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Friday, September 03, 2004

Ghosts in my Rehabilitation
Being a blog and all, where the owner of the blog just writes and God knows I have a lot of material to write about, once again I choise to write about my rehabilitation years between 1986 &1990. After graduating from the Canadian Coast Guard College and coming home after serving in the Coast Guard Fleet and off shore oil, I came home to Montreal diagnosed with being a person with schizophrenia. I actually came back Christmas 1984, as a very angry man as to what transpired in my life on the coast post graduation from college. I will get to writting about what lead me into psychiatry but for now I am driven by a lot of things to get my story out to improve the system. Once again I am turning to my blog to be open about occurrences that transpired in my life that was very influential for me. Hence my two ghost stories are going to come to light in this session of writing.
The first time I saw a ghost it was in bedroom which was in the basement in my parents house. I had a comfortable room with walls of wood paneling with a small window above my bed which looked out into the car port. The wall opposite had a sliding door as the entrance to the room, with the bedroom closet next to the doorway. The closet door was a standard folding door for a closet, with a full length mirror on one half.. There was shelving on the wall next to the closet where my drafting board was situated in the room. I guess it was around midnight after the nightly news on television that I put out the light then settling into bed to lay on my side with my head propted up to have my last cigarette before going to sleep. Some where near the end of my smoke, through the dimness of the room I saw a white ghostly shape starting to come out of the mirror, it was fashioned like a hooded gown coming out three quarters up the the mirror, then curving up to slowly slither up through the ceiling in the corner of the room. It amused me to think that something like a guardian angel always watched over me and I always got to have experiences that made me different from my peers. I was left in a reflective mood putting out my cigarette and laying my head down to slowly fall off to sleep.
On the second occasion that I witnessed a ghost in my room, it happened before I was going off to sleep once again. I was having my last nightly smoke when I looked up from the ashtray and glanced to the middle off the the room, I witnessed a glowing soft white light of was the shape of a alien in a full length gown, he was just standing there on the floor looking at me lying on my bed. In what I tried as a telepathic prayer like communication with this sighting, I tried communicating with it . It was there infront of me when I finished my cigarette and layed my head down. I continued my meditative prayer to the alien ghost that it would watch over me and guide me in my life with my schizophrenia issues such as this. I soon fell off tinto a comfortable sleep and the ghostly image just watched over me until God knows when for I fell asleep.
I know the first time that I saw a ghostly image it was 1986, the second time that it it happened it would have been somewhere in those lost years off not doing much with my life waiting to go back to school on a government program. I never kept a diary or any thing at this point in my life. As I write my experiences I work from reflective memory which has been pretty good so far. I never discussed these ghostly visitations with the medical staff that over saw me at the time, for I was also on injections for medication at this time in my life as well and still witnessing things.