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Tuesday, August 31, 2004

From a Mind's Eye
Where do normal people see in the mind"s eye? I asked this question to my psychiatrist years ago and got no reponse other than that is an interesting thought. The reason I think about it, is because when I was young and growing up I recall thinking of this and found that for my self I saw things in my mind at what I would say was the back of my mind. Years later and having my diagnoses I find that I no longer see in the back of my mind, it is more like seeing things infront of me at a small distance away. Where do you the reader see things in your mind's eye? I know I am different with being able to see things that others can not, like shadows of different coloured lights. Along with seeing small flashes of light or light that can take shape and show me things in the aspect of apparitions or visions which the medical professionals that deal with me refer to my hallucinations. It is normal for me now to have these occurrences just like it is now normal for me to see the air that we breath. It is like I can see energy in the air. I know that I did not always see the air that we breath it slowly grew on me over the last twenty years taking medication. I can make some sense of things I go through that make me different from the majority of people but life is like a ball game, it is just that the ball is hard to grasp. Thus leaving my self with no answers for some things, which keeps me pondering about life and being human with my many strange occurrences that lead to my altered states of mind and hence my diagnoses of being a person with the schizophrenia.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Friday the 13th crow Story
Funny how this entry on the blog came to be, here we are on August the Friday the 13th, my birthday and I am writing my draft for my blog entry. I have just had my court ordered injection yesterday, the staff overseeing me at the Montreal General Hospital have taken an interest in my blog, at least I know I can be quoted correctly and not like my hospital file. Medical staff have portrayed my views out of context or I am incorrectly quoted by a nurse's or Doctor's memory while writing the file on me in psychiatry. I have read parts of my medical file! So you see I got a lot of things to crow about which leads me to my crow story that I have never told my medical overseers, but discussed with my family.
I was on an Auger bus from the terminus at the end of the the Montreal subway for Chateaguay, going home to my parents house in my rehabilitation years after coming home from the Coast. ( Lost time between 1987and 1990)On this particular bus journey from leaving the bus terminus, I noticed that three large crows were following the bus. I watched the crows from my window seat on the bus , their flight pattern followed the bus bus route so the birds were always in plain view from seat on the bus. They held a steady course, it was when the bus was crossing the Mercier Bridge that these big ugly crows that were following the bus route off my right side really haunted me. No matter what they kept pace with the bus off in the sky but close enough to haunt me at the size of the three of them. What steered the crows eyes my way? When my stop in Chateauguay came, I got off the bus wondering what would be with the crows now. Soon after I crossed the boulevard while walking up to my parents house , once again I noticed the off my left shoulder this time. They were a slow even pace flapping there wings with a mystic grace. Once I got into my parents house and greeted home, I looked out the living room window and there was the three big crows across the street sitting on the telephone wires. I did not know if I was hallucinating or what, when my father came into the living room and I asked him if he could see the birds on the telephone wires. My father said that he could indeed see the crows, it haunted me even more knowing that my father could see the crows that followed me home. I believe that I felt a dark force over me and I had a hard time coping between two worlds that in normal every day live, three big crows do not follow people home but that is how I saw it at the time.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Caroline has been a great source of inspiration
Since I has been with my true Lady Love Caroline, I have got more into doing my art and have been continuing writing, sometimes about her and our love. With the subject being a great source of inspiration, I have written off and on. Like wise I have been inspirational for Caroline and she has started her own blog to reach out, due to her own story of her life which was certainly not an easy road. I was inspired to write this poem in honour of the woman I love.
Canadian Angel Princess
Life is meant to be a wonderful dream
As you turn the pages of your life
Your dream weaving techniques harden
So you do not take to many broken dreams to your grave
Alas we do not loose the Canadian dream
For it is there within our grasps
Its just that personal broken dreams take away our liberties
At the roots of our great and mighty maple tree
But I know a Canadian Angel Princess who only had broken dreams
And then a childhood dream somehow came true
Of having a simple Hercules ring to protect her unknown liberties
Now she turns the pages of her life with her Hercules ring
It is not a simple ring just found any where
It was forged by the the foundation of the Canadian dream
To enforce the will of Canadian liberties and such
To transport an Angel Princess to her dream weaving maple tree
She chooses to call it her Hercules ring
It is one of many found in the greatest maple tree
So Canadian dreams will not all be broken
This Angel Princess now knows solid gold through her Hercules Ring
Here is the link to Caroline's blog Good reading and welcome to her nightmare!