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Sunday, March 28, 2004

Medication is only a small part of dealing with schizophrenia. I always found that it was only just drug therapy applied to me, which at times happered me useless. During these times. My mind had to force its self to work and simple tasks like reading became difficult because I could not focus on doing any thing but pacing the floor. With lower medication levels which I always insisted on, it allowed me to do more things and have the motivation to keep busy distracting me from thinking about the apparitions/hallucinations that got me in psychiatry in the first place.
I learned that time gave me meaning to the phenomena that lingered over my shoulder and let me find answers in my own way. Thus building a relationship with the other side that I witnessed. It took hard learned experience on how to grow as an individual with the schizophenia issue. I had to balance my beliefs around the matter of being systematically given the diagnoses when I spoke to a Doctor about my mystical feelings after she asked me to tell her about my self. I realize I may have come across a bit eccentric, but with hospitalization it was drug therapy and I was treated as dillusional. The hospital staff never really spent time with me, medication time was the only time you saw a nurse.
I found answers by talking to people through socializing in bars, I should have got answers about being a bit of a mystic with an ability to see the other side from the people treating me for schizophrenia. Over years, I found my own balance of beliefs revolving around prayer and shamanizm as a way to personally accept living life with being a person with schizophrenia. It is alright to pray to God, just do not witness one of his tools or instruments and speak about it as I did. Then again you can hardly keep mulling over an paranormal type experience over in your mind by your self, it cracks you up just the same.
I found conversation about the apparition/hallucination subject matter I had to deal with, helped me more than drug therapy. At present the drug therapy which is applied to me does not stop me from seeing what I call the "Seven Colours of Creation". It is a powerful thing trying to follow small spots of coloured lights on the neck of a guitar to try and come up with a melody. An example of using the ability of "Second Sight" positively as I do, which is never taught but learned the hard way.
Support from family and friends is important so that conservations about apparitions/hallucinations are stimulated in a positive direction, to help the person with schizophrenia reason out what he witnessed from the other side and what the phenomena is for. It makes for great debates which could lead the positive growth of the person learning to live between two worlds with a schizophrenia issue like apparitions/hallucinations.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Here are some questions that I have no one to put to, so they are going in my Blog. Why is it that I am always getting attacked by a BackDoor/Subseven Trojan Horse while on the internet? I am getting a unwanted tour of the world while doing constant traces on these hackers. How normal is this? Why has someone being trying to fly swat me? What in heaven's name could I possibly have done?
To reach me or comment about my blog feel free to influence me at chase a fly with prayer plan in hand and you might get Shamanized
Schizophrenia is not just a mental illness, it can prove to be a creativity enhancing ability that is useful. The apparitions/hallucinations of the auditory, visual, or olfactory nature have relevance to the individual like a shaman. The individual that experiences these phenominias are too easily medicated by the medical establishment instead of putting the apparitions /hallucinations to good work.
I was too easily medicated at first, in my entrance into the medical system, and too systematically diagnosed as a person with schizophrenia. Grant you some of the things I have witnessed in the form of apparitions/hallucinations lead me into an eccentric state of mind, it took time learning how to relate to the phenomena that I was prone to witnessing and it took time to adapt my life and thinking process accordingly. Grateful to have a strong science and engineering back ground, I put together ideologies about the subject matter I had to deal with the schizophrenia issue attached to me. Now this Blog is being used to reveal some twenty years of issues and developed ideologies I had to contend with in the hope of helping others that do not always get the proper insight into the schizophrenia issue.

Monday, March 22, 2004

An introduction to my situation with my schizophrenia can be found in my art show at in the "Out There" Magazine on the web page, found under the art section, with me using my pen name Doctor Goober Modesty.