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Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Here I Sit At A Rented Computer After My Court Ordered Injection And It Is Like I'm Starting Over With A Psychiatrist And A New Nurse
Marched up Montreal's Mount Royal today to the psychiatric day hospital for my court ordered injection and it was like starting over in psychiatry while saying hello to a lot of staff members that know me well. The memories that came back saying hello to Nurses and a Social Worker that I once had and while having a more of a loveable relationship with the Psychiatrist and my new Nurse. The Psychiatrist Nurse and I sat and talked together with the Nurse and I doing most of the talking while the Psychiatrist was like the silent observer with him making the closing statements when our time slot was up. I then went for a cigarette while the Nurse made a phone call to get the proper medication levels in the preset syringes from the pharmacy which I could not get myself for today's appointment. After my cigarette I went up to the waiting room for the Nurse to call me in for my injection. Once in her office we chatted some more about my medical history and present situation. my new Nurse who I will dub Joc is about ages with me and she remembers me from 30 years ago. Joc is a liaison Nurse that is going to do home visits with me where I rent a room along with at my Mum's to help me with my Mother son relationship. At one point way back when I was doing art and selling it, Joc ordered a print from me which she never got, now that she is over seeing my case with the Psychiatrist I will make sure she gets her print. Will write more later I got to get to my Mum's.
So here I am back on the Internet with my own tablet in a Tim Horton's, like usual when I am put away in psychiatry nobody handles my affairs and I lost the Internet connection at my Mum's due to a unpaid bill etc.There are perpetual errors around my life in psychiatry as an inpatient outpatient. I could re-write the priciples of psychiatryas a 30 year vet of the psychiatric system. Any way regarding the erectile dysfunction I wrote about, it is not as bad as I thought, now I am concerned with a sperm defience I did not calculate for, too many varing factures, I got to get back processing water or something while on psychiatric drugs. is getting on in the evening and I got to get back to check on my senoir Mum she has forgotten how to do some things right...... my relationship with Mum, I had to take over cooking supper for her, put the A535 rub on her back, teach her how to use the polident all over again to take proper care of her dentures,along with other bathroom skills with taking off her make up, I really need a girlfriend or two to help me with this. I do get moral support from my community when Mum argues with me in public places. It took me for ever to get signed in to the Internet at Tim Horton's while having a coffee and the buddy next to me helped me out so I could sort through this mess as I get used to my repaired tablet. I will try writing more tomorrow night, so long for now Wee Iain or Doctor Goober.
Back in my rented room and cleaning the place up for my psychiatric Nurse visit so she can see how I live with my poverty situation. She is bring a student Nurse with her on the home visit this 4th of May 2015. I could not sleep the night of the 3rd leading into the 4th of May so I thought I would get a few words in on my blog.
I stay with my Mum a lotfor company and watching the news on TV, Mum turns 86 this year and doing not bad for her age, aches and pains getb to her but she is a tough old bird I must say. Have not got a whole lot to write but will make a posting on how the home visit goes with my Nurse I dub Joc, so till later.......

Sunday, April 05, 2015

No Matter What I Did To Rebuild My Life,All I Turned Out To Be Is A Psychiatrist's Pill Junkie
Spent a fair bit of time on the hospital ward today with a tear in my eye being Easter Sunday and all,trying to accept what I can not change for the next three years, that is the court order for medical treatment by Psychiatrists endorsed by a Judge, due to the fact that my Lawyer with legal aid did not have the money to properly defend me, not that she is going to lose any sleep over it. I have the extrapyramidal side effects (EPSE) now and the Nurse just administered medication for the fourth time today to try and control them, then there is the bullshit epival pills twice a day. Watch that my iron level does not go out of whack like the last time I was on a moody stabilizer and antipsychotic. I am getting more and more depressed over this and just feel like withdrawing from society as a "Psychiatric Pill Junkie".
When I was on my last bout of Court ordered injections of invega sustenna antipsychotic I started to have erectile dysfunction and I thought it was me getting older in my early fifties. I was also taking benadryl as a side effect medication for the EPSE. I would only have a week morning erection as a male that would not last long upon waking up. I convinced the out patient Psychiatrist to put me on the drug risperdal for the EPSE. After much insisting I got my way and started to get my erection back over fantasies about my certain Ladies that I day dream about every so often. After a while on the pills the EPSE came back so I stopped taking the risperdal all together and even although I was on the beer a fair bit watching the News on TV it was like I was a sixteen year old male again with no erectile dysfunction. With being put in hospital again and court ordered invega sustenna injections of 150 mg every three weeks, I got my erectile dysfunction back.
With the complications involved I got an erection today April 6th, after 12 days from my last injection of invega sustenna, I am yet to figure out how to go about explaining what transpired this change in my dysfunction on the hospital ward.April 7th 2015, like usual on the hospital ward my time is limited on the computer so I don't get to write much. Over all I do have erectile dysfunction on the antipsychotic Invega Sustenna, and it is like it is impossible to reason with the Psychiatrist and he is bent on keeping me on epival with regular blood tests. So I pretty well lost what little sex life I had in my corner fantasizing about have a woman and the Psychiatrist backs the Tribunal that it is illegal for me to consume alcohol.So I don't get to have my lonely drunk to help me sleep ,if I get caught they will hospitalize me again.I can drink 2 litres of coca cola during the day so what drink am I suppose to consume come evening. Another 2 litres of coca cola and become diabetic while having sleepless nights cranked full of sugar and caffeine. I don't know what to do, like I said to the Psychiatrist what am I to do get a blow up doll with interchangeable heads with a pull spring to keep me company come evening and stay away from my Mother's and her idiot neighbor that calls the cops on me all the time? I've cried in my beer many a time out of loneliness because no woman wants a schizo like me. My brother really has nothing to do with me and other than my Mum I have no other family in this country and no real way to make contacts living in poverty. Like I heard outside the blood clinic in the hospital today, too many people are on epival and can not give blood.It sucks having the courts and Psychiatrists run your life, they have no answers but a pill for everything. Till I write again Wee Iain signing off for today. Here it is the evening of the April 8th, and I got really sore feet due to wearing steel toe construction boots and and thumbing out the miles on the hard psychiatric floors in stocking feet over the years while on phase 1. I could not even get tylenol off the Nurse to help kill the pain, it is like I got to go get a foot massage and pop a viagra during the foot massage to get a blow job to make myself feel good once in my life. My buddy ages with me that is on the same medication as me does this type of thing because no woman wants him for a relationship.I actually need a foot Doctor which I can't afford so I guess a foot massage and blow job is the next best thing.I will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow at lunch and I will be staying away from my Mother's so I do not have the idiot neighbor phoning 911 on me due to my frustration voice trying to be there for my Mum.It is not like I have a spouse telling me to relax and having her take over taking care of my stubborn but determined Mum. I may as well end this posting and will write some more from my lonely room with my tablet.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Got Through The TAQ, That's Tribunal Administratif De Quebec With Flying Colours Today
It has been a long haul for a lot of people with my medical case history with having the diagnosis of schizophrenia for 30 years. I have 6 pages of notes from the hour and a half session at the TAQ hearing. I must say I have a really good Lawyer that prepares me for court and Tribunal hearings and I am getting better and better at defending myself with being properly briefed on how to deal with judging sessions as mentioned.
I think that even the hospital Lawyer has a new found respect for me and how I am handling myself through the learning experience of dealing with Lawyers and Psychiatrists. I have already covered a lot of the details that were mentioned in the TAQ in previous postings. With my Lawyer and I working together, she was able to ask me questions that I was prepared to answer in concise responses even although I can be long winded in answering questions under scrutiny.
The main thing that that got me exonerated in the TAQ was stating how I once before asked not to call someone back or I would be charged with harassment, and I complied with the person's wishes and never got arrested for harassment. This time around I stated at the TAQ that I should have be warned not to call back the supposed victim of my harassment charges, who I never really harassed in the first place. By mid afternoon it was on the radio that she would be sued by TAQ for $100,000 for each TAQ hearing over 7 years for a total of $700,000 tab. Now as the individual defended herself on the supper time Montreal CTV News, she stated that she never got me arrested for harassment and police were still trying to figure out who placed the call to police department from a pay phone as traced. Obviously CTV Montreal News would not use a pay phone to get me arrested and the police voice recording can not be identified as of yet, who phoned them complaining about me and trying to lay harassment charges against me.
I is now April 2nd 20015 and I ended up back in hospital again from my Mum's idiot neighbor phoning the police on me again, I was stricken bad with extrapyramidal side effects so it was just as well I ended up in hospital, the down side is the idiot Psychiatrist insists that I take the drug epival, it is just pissing me off dealing with idiot Psychiatrists that are so bent with medication for life and making a patient impotent in my fifties with medication. If Epival is in the blood I will not be able to give blood any more, and if it is in the blood it is in my sperm, it was on the news that one should not breed on epival due to producing epival babies that need special care. I do not want to be in the hospital for more than 10 days otherwise I will have to attend another TAQ hearing to get out of the psychiatric prison of a hospital ward.I am feeling depressed with having to consume epival, just pumping me full of drugs in stead of sitting with me any length of time to sort things out, guess Psychiatrist's are too stupid to play the role of a psychologist for a bit in an interview Psychiatrists are just chemical drug pushers and only see results through their blind eyes. Medication for life and unfit to breed because of medication. I'll write more later...till then. It came to me again what was on the radio a while back,the educated woman of today does not want medicated sperm to breed with. With my injection of invega sustenna at $1200 every 3 weeks,that makes me lose my erection, tax payers pay for it through welfare budget, now the epival bill and side effect medication bill, all because a Psychiatrist has no power to reason that a person can over come in psychiatry but a Psychiatrist doesn't want that to happen through his power of playing God with Court Judges.
The hospital Psychiatrist is so stupid that he discharged me after the injections of antipsychotic medication and did nothing to verify side effects and the possible need for side effect medication. So they have me locked away again in hospital clothes over Easter 4 day weekend with reduced staff,I am not allowed off this prison ward, the food sucks and no one to talk to. Pretty well just see a Nurse out of the Nursing station when it is medication time and blood pressure being checked, other than that I use the computer a bit and watch some news on TV or pace the corridor in my stocking feet. If you laid in bed too much they will lock you out of your bedroom,it is very lonely having no one. You do see a PAB on the floor checking up on us or giving out evening snack,meals and to send us all to bed at 10 PM while shutting down the TV's and computer. I have to be out of this hospital in 10 days from my day of entering or I will have to wait for another TAQ hearing to be set for me, they will all just fuck me over like usual, I am just a medicare number that they process for a pay cheque, and for maintaining budgets and getting money from the Provinces health budget from me being a stat, I am listed how many times I been in hospital in court without explaining the reason behind the hospitalization Just away for the hospital Lawyer to practice fucking over the medicare number in court or TAQs to make Psychiatrist look like they know what they are doing. And no body cares what happens to the likes of me,just a medicare number to be processed as inhumanly as possible. Some Staff members try and reach out to you but one looses faith in them with the Psychiatrist playing God over every thing. My Lawyer did not even have the budget to take on the hospital Lawyer and his two expert Psychiatrists mouthing off in court to screw me over and say nothing positive about me. At my last TAQ hearing the Psychiatrist said I was intelligent enough to follow the court order on me, but in court to get the forced injections I have no insight into my mental health issues,it is like I am intelligent one day and a stupid fucken idiot the next at the whim of the Psychiatrist or they will just babble any thing in court to get what they want, without respecting me or my illegence. I will write a new blog posting soon.