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Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Here I Sit At A Rented Computer After My Court Ordered Injection And It Is Like I'm Starting Over With A Psychiatrist And A New Nurse
Marched up Montreal's Mount Royal today to the psychiatric day hospital for my court ordered injection and it was like starting over in psychiatry while saying hello to a lot of staff members that know me well. The memories that came back saying hello to Nurses and a Social Worker that I once had and while having a more of a loveable relationship with the Psychiatrist and my new Nurse. The Psychiatrist Nurse and I sat and talked together with the Nurse and I doing most of the talking while the Psychiatrist was like the silent observer with him making the closing statements when our time slot was up. I then went for a cigarette while the Nurse made a phone call to get the proper medication levels in the preset syringes from the pharmacy which I could not get myself for today's appointment. After my cigarette I went up to the waiting room for the Nurse to call me in for my injection. Once in her office we chatted some more about my medical history and present situation. my new Nurse who I will dub Joc is about ages with me and she remembers me from 30 years ago. Joc is a liaison Nurse that is going to do home visits with me where I rent a room along with at my Mum's to help me with my Mother son relationship. At one point way back when I was doing art and selling it, Joc ordered a print from me which she never got, now that she is over seeing my case with the Psychiatrist I will make sure she gets her print. Will write more later I got to get to my Mum's.
So here I am back on the Internet with my own tablet in a Tim Horton's, like usual when I am put away in psychiatry nobody handles my affairs and I lost the Internet connection at my Mum's due to a unpaid bill etc.There are perpetual errors around my life in psychiatry as an inpatient outpatient. I could re-write the priciples of psychiatryas a 30 year vet of the psychiatric system. Any way regarding the erectile dysfunction I wrote about, it is not as bad as I thought, now I am concerned with a sperm defience I did not calculate for, too many varing factures, I got to get back processing water or something while on psychiatric drugs. is getting on in the evening and I got to get back to check on my senoir Mum she has forgotten how to do some things right...... my relationship with Mum, I had to take over cooking supper for her, put the A535 rub on her back, teach her how to use the polident all over again to take proper care of her dentures,along with other bathroom skills with taking off her make up, I really need a girlfriend or two to help me with this. I do get moral support from my community when Mum argues with me in public places. It took me for ever to get signed in to the Internet at Tim Horton's while having a coffee and the buddy next to me helped me out so I could sort through this mess as I get used to my repaired tablet. I will try writing more tomorrow night, so long for now Wee Iain or Doctor Goober.
Back in my rented room and cleaning the place up for my psychiatric Nurse visit so she can see how I live with my poverty situation. She is bring a student Nurse with her on the home visit this 4th of May 2015. I could not sleep the night of the 3rd leading into the 4th of May so I thought I would get a few words in on my blog.
I stay with my Mum a lotfor company and watching the news on TV, Mum turns 86 this year and doing not bad for her age, aches and pains getb to her but she is a tough old bird I must say. Have not got a whole lot to write but will make a posting on how the home visit goes with my Nurse I dub Joc, so till later.......

Sunday, April 05, 2015

No Matter What I Did To Rebuild My Life,All I Turned Out To Be Is A Psychiatrist's Pill Junkie
Spent a fair bit of time on the hospital ward today with a tear in my eye being Easter Sunday and all,trying to accept what I can not change for the next three years, that is the court order for medical treatment by Psychiatrists endorsed by a Judge, due to the fact that my Lawyer with legal aid did not have the money to properly defend me, not that she is going to lose any sleep over it. I have the extrapyramidal side effects (EPSE) now and the Nurse just administered medication for the fourth time today to try and control them, then there is the bullshit epival pills twice a day. Watch that my iron level does not go out of whack like the last time I was on a moody stabilizer and antipsychotic. I am getting more and more depressed over this and just feel like withdrawing from society as a "Psychiatric Pill Junkie".
When I was on my last bout of Court ordered injections of invega sustenna antipsychotic I started to have erectile dysfunction and I thought it was me getting older in my early fifties. I was also taking benadryl as a side effect medication for the EPSE. I would only have a week morning erection as a male that would not last long upon waking up. I convinced the out patient Psychiatrist to put me on the drug risperdal for the EPSE. After much insisting I got my way and started to get my erection back over fantasies about my certain Ladies that I day dream about every so often. After a while on the pills the EPSE came back so I stopped taking the risperdal all together and even although I was on the beer a fair bit watching the News on TV it was like I was a sixteen year old male again with no erectile dysfunction. With being put in hospital again and court ordered invega sustenna injections of 150 mg every three weeks, I got my erectile dysfunction back.
With the complications involved I got an erection today April 6th, after 12 days from my last injection of invega sustenna, I am yet to figure out how to go about explaining what transpired this change in my dysfunction on the hospital ward.April 7th 2015, like usual on the hospital ward my time is limited on the computer so I don't get to write much. Over all I do have erectile dysfunction on the antipsychotic Invega Sustenna, and it is like it is impossible to reason with the Psychiatrist and he is bent on keeping me on epival with regular blood tests. So I pretty well lost what little sex life I had in my corner fantasizing about have a woman and the Psychiatrist backs the Tribunal that it is illegal for me to consume alcohol.So I don't get to have my lonely drunk to help me sleep ,if I get caught they will hospitalize me again.I can drink 2 litres of coca cola during the day so what drink am I suppose to consume come evening. Another 2 litres of coca cola and become diabetic while having sleepless nights cranked full of sugar and caffeine. I don't know what to do, like I said to the Psychiatrist what am I to do get a blow up doll with interchangeable heads with a pull spring to keep me company come evening and stay away from my Mother's and her idiot neighbor that calls the cops on me all the time? I've cried in my beer many a time out of loneliness because no woman wants a schizo like me. My brother really has nothing to do with me and other than my Mum I have no other family in this country and no real way to make contacts living in poverty. Like I heard outside the blood clinic in the hospital today, too many people are on epival and can not give blood.It sucks having the courts and Psychiatrists run your life, they have no answers but a pill for everything. Till I write again Wee Iain signing off for today. Here it is the evening of the April 8th, and I got really sore feet due to wearing steel toe construction boots and and thumbing out the miles on the hard psychiatric floors in stocking feet over the years while on phase 1. I could not even get tylenol off the Nurse to help kill the pain, it is like I got to go get a foot massage and pop a viagra during the foot massage to get a blow job to make myself feel good once in my life. My buddy ages with me that is on the same medication as me does this type of thing because no woman wants him for a relationship.I actually need a foot Doctor which I can't afford so I guess a foot massage and blow job is the next best thing.I will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow at lunch and I will be staying away from my Mother's so I do not have the idiot neighbor phoning 911 on me due to my frustration voice trying to be there for my Mum.It is not like I have a spouse telling me to relax and having her take over taking care of my stubborn but determined Mum. I may as well end this posting and will write some more from my lonely room with my tablet.