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Sunday, June 29, 2014

Still have no life and nothing gets resolved as a mental health consumer
I have one more court ordered injection to go, as of August 1st I am no longer under the court order. The whole ordeal was a load of crap and I still got the Tribunal to deal with for getting arrested unjustly by a media personality when I was trying to prove to my treatment team that I had some media attention. No matter what I tried I could not succeed and getting arrested for harassment was one part that ruined my psychiatric record along with standing up for the National building code against gyp rock over plaster installations. I was institutionalized so many times by my ex and her family at this point in my life and the Psychiatrists never stood by me and my plight that I was fighting for. When I reached out to a media personality that seemed to pick up my story I was arrested for it.Then this lead to a worse psychiatric record with Psychiatrists slandering me at Tribunal hearings. No Psychiatrist took any regard for things I did to try and succeed fighting for justice against gyp rock over plaster installations. I remember when it was on the radio that they were not allowed to interview the guy that stood up for the National building code against gyp rock over plaster. If I had a media interview at this time perhaps I could have amounted to something with the publicity, but no I ended up getting done in and deemed delusional by Psychiatrists for having media association. It was on the radio recently,something should have been done for me at this point in my life. Instead I ended up on disability pension due to the onslaught of extra pyramidal side effects due to long term use of psychiatric medication and it being administred in excessive amounts on court orders while I was trying to do the right thing mouthing off about gyp rock over plaster installations.Then I latched onto a media personal.ity as she picked up my story while doing the weather reports on the local news. I had several one way email correspondances with her and even sent her some art samples. When I left two phone messages at her local at the TV station a guy called me and we talked. I asked him to contact my Nurse to enlighten him that I did indeed have some media attention and was not delusional about it. A short time later the police showed up at my door and I was arrested for harassing the female media personality. I was rail roaded in court and my Lawyer at the time advised me to plead guilty and get off criminally not responsible due to mental health. For if I went to trial and found guilty I could go to jail. So now I am still tied up with the Tribunal hearings where I feel I just get slandered by Psychiatrists, end up getting angry over it and then get put away in hospital over issues  that are resolved and I just get more court ordered injections administred to me. Even when I mention to the Psychiatrist that Politians have refered to me on the news I get told I am delusional and thaworryoliticians do not even know who I am.
So now I have no life and live with media attention and get deemed delusion by Psychiatrists for believing in this. I worry what is going to happen to me when my aging Mother does eventually pass away, I will have no one.My brother does not have any thing to do with me and I have no other family in Canada.Life has lost its meaning and I have no avenues to turn to except my Internet presence, to think there is a whole country out there and I will be spending Canada Day alone again. C'est la vie!! 

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Not doing A Whole Lot With My Life But I Thought I Would Write Any Way
Time passes fast and I a writing my present blog posting with not much happening in my life, I did do one piece of art recently and have played some guitar. I am back reading some Aristotle from a book in kobo I bought while in hospital. I comment a bit on philosophical thought in Facebook as I get through the book on Aristotle's ethics. I do have to get more into playing my guitar but at times I procastinate playing the instrument. I did pick up the mouth recorder and practice this instrument the other night, I got to practice this instrument more too. Today I was constructive with my time and caught up on some taxes that I am behind on. When my life fell apart with the illegal entrances and getting bugs in my paper work I fell behind on the taxes. Yesterday I went to the Regie d' Entreprise and filed a annual declaration for my company, it doesn't make all that much money it barely exsists on the books but I pay on my taxes to protect my company name for when I do make money again on my welfare income.
There are still media reports about me as I plug away at my life and then there are the extra pyramidal side effects that I have to contend with from the court ordered injections. Even if I do not take the injections after Aug 1st, things are such a mess for I still have the Tribunal Administrative to deal with fromng arrested. Through Aristotle I try and equate the injustices I went through in the court system and ended up feeling that I was railroaded to some degree. There was even a Judge that wanted to give me a lobotimy. What I went through when I passed through court after getting arrested. It was just another one of several events that ruined my psychiatric track record, for I always tried working with the heavy handed Psychiatrists with their medication stipulations. I don't denie I needed a psychiatric diagnoses to rebuild from a nervous break down in my youth, psychiatrists and the virtues of medicine can be over bearing sometimes.
I still get together with my Mum and see my brother on occassion at my Mother's. My brother more or less led his own life and never had a whole lot to do with me. I do not know what I would do if my Mum past away from old age, I still have stuff at her place that I can not see to putting in the room where I rent. Then there is the stuff I would inherit that I have no place for. It would be one hell of a cross roads when Mum passes for I would be alone with the system and trying to succeed at something with all strikes against me. Either way I am pretty well left to rebuilding my psychiatric record on my own like usual. Part of me feels scared of the hospital with the Doctor on the ward, I would hate to end up in hospital under his care again for he sees me in such an unrealistic light compared to my true nature. It is like I wrote in Facebook, who was the first to judge me wrongly. The Psychiatrist certainly did, even getting a bit of a fair shake in the media with some of the exposure I get, the hospital does not seem to understand what I am faced with. One can feel like a number in the system and not justly cared for when part of psychiatry. It is now like I have something to prove to Psychiatrists on a daily bases, that I have limited schizophrenic tendances and can live without the medication that induces the extra pyramidal side effects.Even the woman from the media that I suppositly harassed and got arrested for, said she would make things up to me, well I am still waiting and time is running out to set the facts straight to the Tribunal and the Psychiatrists. At least I have my blog to set a few facts straight about myself but it does not settle the score for the recent injustices in me life that made things a mess around my living situation. So while I continue to pick up the peices of my life I bid farewell.

Thursday, June 05, 2014

I wrote some poetry today and here is one of the poems I tried to post in Facebook
Feeling the Blues

Blue is such a beautiful colour
Then why do we feel the blues
When defined as something hazy
And most certainly unhappy
I ask myself what are the blues
And there various hues of blues

There are songs known as the blues
Melodic drama of sadness
With all the various hues
Who defined this and why
For it has become part of me
Through others that don't know me

A bright blue sky brings the best out in people
This hardly defines the blues
But a grey darkened sky can make people glum
Before it cries its tears of rain
Then they only want the blue sky back
To come out of the rainy blues

But I must say I know the blues
When I had some swill and felt glum
Knowing nothing but a lonely sinking feeling
While trying to sort out my life
I poured out painful tears
Into the bottom of my Labatt Blue

(Labatt Blue is a type of Canadian beer)

Monday, June 02, 2014

Had A Psycho Samatic Experience After Praying For The Extra Pyramidal Side Effects To Stop

I went through a really bad time during the last leg of the two ywear court ordered injections and the extra pyramidal Side Effects were (EPSE) getting worse and worse. With Sundayng being yesterday I laid late in bed like usual and dreaded getting up to face the EPSE after getting up, and prayed the EPSE would stop when I did get upI phoned my Mum and tolded her that I had the bad bouts of EPSE. After talking to her I took two Life Brand benedryl of  25mg and the the pills against the Doctors advice for expense duet o it not being covered by welfare, then within a short period of time it felt as if I had the cogentient injection in my arm as what I know of as my best cure for my EPSE when I have them really bad. Then I was not effected by the EPSE and I ended up playing guitar all day while slipping in shopping for supper and doung laundry.
After having my psycho samatic experience I felt the buzz of the side effect injection and became more motivated, playing guitar up until 11 pm. When I woke up this morning I got up early for a change and feel good about my self without having any EPSE for a change, hence I turned To writing my blog about it. Fot the image in this post I took a picture of a piece of art I did in hospital with is in my music book. One thing that came about in hospital was that I did some art and got guitar lessons dealing with standard scales going to two octives and understanding more of the neck of the guitar where the neck has 21/2 to 3 octives on it. So come evening time I practiced my scales and free styling of one of them to create a melody.
It is Tuesday now and I had another good day Monday without having any EPSE.I was up early this morning again and go for my injection today. I just hope to God I do not get bad EPSE over the next three weeks, my mood is good and I practiced guitar again last night. I am going to my Mother's for supper after my injection and will be picking up some more of my belongings from her place to keep myself busy in the room I rent. I'm figuring on getting back into doing some art again and  playing some of my other instruments as I start getting into a healthier routine.
I made an attempt at eating better on my limited budget and kitchen set up. I am back eating sardines again, this time around it is in sandwiches with lettice and cream cheese. Mum says she is going to help me out with food a bit as she always did due to the limited income I've endured most of my adult life.
I am keeping more in touch with a buddy I got to know on the psychiatric ward over the years. He served as a Canadian Native in the US Marine corp. Part of the reason we get along so well is that we both wore uniforms at one part in our lives and the other reason being that Psychiatrists don't believe both our life stories, so we have a couple of common bonds and make for good moral support for each other.o until I post again I bid farewell to my readership.