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Sunday, August 11, 2013


Art I Did Today And Making Relevance To Today's Posting Through A Thinking Process
As I smoked my last cigarette during my previous hospital smoke break, I thought about my blog posting and what I would write with what relevant image, forth with is what I decided upon. 
Going back quiet a few years now I did a piece of art with the charcoal medium depicting a mean looking type of wolf of which I called the art work "The Wolvine Nightmare" as a way of trying to portray the life of a person diagnosed with schizophrenia and what they go through. Today I am posting an abstract image more in the lines of a wolf husky and how it depicts how things have changed in my life as to relevant thoughts and as to  recent conversations with people and relating parts of the book Peace Love  and Healing by Dr Bernie S. Siegel.
During this term in hospital, one of the coffee shop workers said to me over a smoke break together, I wish I was smart and talented like you. My response was referring to Dr Siegel's book on how he writes where an illness can have positive type effects on a person. I went on to explain to her how, while she was always working slinging coffees and everything, running her life out side of work, I was fighting the stigma of psychiatry trying to get some work and not working for long periods. I had the time to read quality literature and text books, watch news stories, and over all getting educated, to having the time to invest in myself developing my art and music skills where she could not for she was busy earning her keep.

The second referral to Dr Siegal's book I have made, was to a fellow patient when discussing his induced tremors by medication. I went through a lot of involuntary muscle contractions years back and tried to relate my experience in relation to the Doctor's words regarding psycho-sematic inducement of the tremors through stress of focusing on the already induced tremors. When the said fellow patient and I were out having a cigarette together relaxing, I could hold his attention with my flappity yapping mouth over my bitching of the day. I noticed that my smoke buddy was no longer focused on the induced tremors by taking his mind off them as he focused on me. The tremors of his did seem to mellow out a bit at these determined time intervals. It is just an interesting point relating an experience to what the Doctor wrote in his book.

Another point I would like to relate  about the Doctor's writing is the placebo effect.Psychiatric medication is more of a placebo effect from my experience, it does not sort out your thought pattern that deems you delusional, but being followed by psychiatry an individual gets other forms of councel to art and music groups while receiving medical welfare benefits in Quebec and is following a treatment plan of some sort for one's personal mental health issues, to get them back into the work force at some point. As to the old phrase after one has had some sort of ordeal, people often said, "I need a drink". Does alcohol settle the nerves some what or is it a placebo effect. The same goes for smoking a joint of pot. Does one relax after smoking the joint or does one go through the placebo effect from going through the action of smoking a joint and relaxes to clearing the head.Same as to smoking a cigarette,it can have a calming soothing effect on the nerves to relax, is this a placebo effect of taking one's mind off certain issues for a bit to concentrate on smoking inducing calming effects or does the nicotine consumed act on the brain to calm it into relaxing.
Either way I respect what the Doctor writes in his book, it is giving me a lot to think about while reading it.
I do not promote the use of alcohol,tobacco or marijuana to relax, I just am able to relate to it being a child out of the pre-post hippi era 


Sunday, August 04, 2013

 
Used To Be Man Of The Sea Earning Good Money,Now I Get Nothing But Slandered So It Is Harder To Earn A Decent Living
Stand by while this post is being put together

All people can say that at one point or another, they could have felt like they were a ship at sea in stormy weather. For me it is like it has been like that, ever since I left the seafaring life. As much as I was a good ship's officer before my life fell apart, I have been just as good a psychiatric out patient, trying dam hard to get my life in gear again over the last 31 years. I admit that I needed some sort of diagnosis to rebuild my life in psychiatry once I returned to my home Province Of Quebec, after what amounted to a nervous break down on a off shore supply boat. I myself admit I was kind of brain washed by Psychiatrists into believing that I was a person with schizophrenia, but the older I got, the more I came to realize that I was  just as normal as any one else and did not need medication like Psychiatrists like to imply. Psychiatry is very much like a "Hotel California", once you are in one is not allowed to be free of it, for a Psychiatrist's world might come crashing down on them, and they might lose money invested in psychiatric medication or something, because one or two patients proved they do not need medication any more.

It is certainly not delusional to give blood to a blood bank to help them out, but people seem to have a problem with it if I give a blood donation to our Quebec blood bank. Oh I forgot, half of modern civilization are basket psychiatric cases with a undiagnosed jealousy problem or something and they set out to slander me and have a need to be me through money laundering with my company invoices and they will not allow me to earn a living in engineering or as an artist without some sort of threat coming my way.

I went to school for ten years at night  studying engineering technology while working and taking psychiatric medication. I never could be free of the stigma of psychiatry being shoved in my face, even when I hooked up with some idiot women in my past. It is like I never know what I am talking about even although I am not delusional about engineering principles. Like what is so delusional about putting window air filters in, or filtering water with home made filters, or doing art and selling or trying to sell art prints.

People more or less become what they read and watch, I read a lot of engineering over the years, watched a lot of news broadcasts where it is on TV, how different types of engineering are being applied, to medical engineering inventiveness being reported n the news, and I was always very good at putting two and two together in engineering to put together a new engineered design for the benefit of  an employer or for my self employment to earn a living.Then later in life where it came to finding my salvation when I became part of Montreal Homeless Missions, I ended up going back to church attending services with Christian educational lectures afterwards, and sat there note taking for future reference for my own personal gain and salvation when I wanted to turn to the notes I took. My last blog post was put together from some of these notes and I feel the better person for it.  Once again my previous words come into play. As I find myself with the Holy Scriptures I am reminded of the wisdom contained in these old lessons of life, and I am also led on to reading about and the works of other Christian Writers like I am becoming through my last blog posting. I was brought up by Christian parents and find where some of my deceased Father's words of wisdom in raising me come from, I find them in the scriptures as I read through them, yet not knowing this in my youth with what was being instilled in me and to what magnitude it would effect my life in my later years.