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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Due To The Nature Of My Being, I Have My Early Sunday Morning Prayer Vigil, For G20 Security Police and Shop Owners That Got Sabotaged In Toronto!
Absolutely crazy what went on in Toronto at the G20 Summit, these Anachrists must be stopped, obviously they are youths just out looking for trouble! I would hate to be the shop owners that have to pick up the pieces of their business' after violent acts were committed against their livelyhood. The problems in the World today that World Leaders have to contend with and these Anachrists that have cost Canadian tax payers a fortune in sabotage. By the looks of these rebel Anachrists and their age, I was in college committing my life to the way of the uniform and being a tax payer at the same age. The stupidity of it, lighting Police cars on fire, don't people realize the burning cars can explode, thank our blessing that the Police cars did not explode during the burning time before the way was secured for the Fire Department to handle the mess. As reported on the News, Toronto is usually a city of peaceful protest, these Anachrist that were caught should get 25 years of Federal time for industrial sabotage!!! Here in this morning News, some peaceful protesters were arrested, it is all so complicated,  in a park after 11 at night can get you trouble here in Montreal. It is the hooligans that do the damage to business' and property that have to be controlled with extreme measures. News teams had their vehicles damaged as well, where do these black bloc members get the money to be Anachrists and arrive at summits, they are the terror of peaceful protest! Here the Commissioner of the Ontario Provincial Police is saying on the News that black bloc are oraganized crime, still what do they do to finance themselves. I can not get financing for any thing and I am in debt with living in poverty most of my adult life. Almost 6 hundred arrests now, the cost to process these people through the courts, really how does one get a Lawyer mid day on a Sunday? So people do get Lawyers in the detention center in Toronto, still why don't people just listen to the Police to make things easier, like the media is saying the Police know who the main trouble makers are with their protest weaponary. In past posts I wrote things perhaps I should not have written out of paranoia and fustration with illegal entrance into my apartment, I still got the credit card receipt to prove it, someone left it behind! I gave a copy of the credit card receipt to my last resort income Officer when I signed my last declaration, hopefully through the banks and the courts it will settle out, all that I went through I certainly did not turn into an Anachrist, and I just get told I am delusional and hallucinate the News were I get my information from, partly of what transpired around me as an Internet Artist/Writer that never could amount to anything no matter what I did to get ahead in life. Then again certain politicians did single me out for comment as I caught clips of in the media. I even went to see my local Federal elected official over illegal enterance into my apartment and it amounted to nothing, I only have good intentions in my heart and still want to make something of myself with my capacity as a person with schizophrenic issues as I put it. Some times I feel unwanted due to certain comments by politicians about my situation, and it did lead my astray somewhat in my writingas with the stupidity of my life and the stigma that resulted around my Internet presence. Somewhere out there the answer is blowing in the wind and truths will come out as I pray for justice for all concerned in life's struggles. Little Note: I finally arranged for dental work being on me through the dental students at the Royal Victoria Hospital, and my last resort income dental card, thanks to having dental pain while in hospital this past hitch when I was in hospital.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Fete Nationale In Quebec, Canada, So I Took A 3D Scan Of My Quebec Flag For Posting
I was alone all day with my extra paramidal side effects for my Province's Fete Nationale where we celebrate what it means to be a Quebecois, born in or landed immigrant to Quebec. I watched a lot of TV News on the G8-G20 summit and what is going on in and around Toronto. I have to stand by the Police objective to keep the area secure for the summit, just hope people will not turn violent in protest. I should find a TV station for my Fete Nationale which I am doing now. So I found something on ARTV!

Monday, June 21, 2010

This piece of art was done while in hospital this passed winter and spring, me searching for answers for what became of my life. Minimal budget with Quebec last resort income and my disability pension. It is like what the hell am I suppose to do with the rest of my life. I put Google advertizing back on my blog to add to the astectics of my blog, rumours always seem to float around me, and at times I do not know what to believe. It is even hard for me to find the words to write, I am rather dumb founded how my life turned out as I am approaching my birthday to savoir the big 50 day. Quarter century later in psychiatry as a patient and not much of a life to speak of....let me find some words....Oh yea, I found something to do when I get my cheque, sketching a model and a vine and cheese after, I am seriously going to invest the $15. Then there is this sketch of a bare breasted statuette that I want to do at the Royal Victoria Hospital here in Montreal, my kick on doing the human form as an Artist. Then I got about ten pictures left on my recent role of black and white film, it puts a dent in the monthly budget getting the film developed......so my hobbies get me by so that it seems like I am accomplishing something in the arts. When I attended the hospital art group on the last day of the semester, the teacher gave me some clay to work, I am suppose to be doing an owl from a Henry Moore owl image in a art book. I got his owl photocopied as a sample and do intend to work on it, just so much to catch up on around the apartment with it being dorment for four months while the Tribunal put me away in hospital for my anger, but I did get a new Psychiatrist out of it........I am on
Court Ordered injections for the second time in my life, and live out the extra paramidal side effects as part of it. Sure there is side effect medication, but it does not always work. It is an inconvience and a real pain when I get an on slaught of them. Funny how women seem to get a kick out of getting males arrested for harassment, since it happen to me, I have got to hear tales of  what other males have gone through with the same thing, in one case it was a guy's ex-wife that did it to him over the kids, here I have no children with anyone, just asked the wrong person to be my art manager, and besides the hospital said I hallucinated everything on TV. I should have been sent a notice by registered mail to back off my communications before getting arrested. I got off from criminal charges due to a mental disorder, and the hospital says I even hallucinate my "Tokyo Rose" radio show, as I dubbed this other Lady's radio broadcast! Hence the Court Ordered injections of medication and the Tribunal hearing again in six months to make sure I am still no longer a threat to society, a fucken joke little old me a threat to society......I cried myself to sleep over this in and out of hospital......the stupidity of my fucken life.......I am aware that blackmail floated around me to do me in long before this event in my life......"C'est la vie" as we say in French.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Somewhere Out There, A Rainbow Has My Name On It To Succeed At Something, Even If It Is At Sun Set!
Stand by while I work on this post, so here I am throwing out old clothes and selling off tools to downsize and prepare to find a place to live that does not have a pigeon septic tank of excretement on my window sill all the time, and I am checking out somemore McGill research to put a couple of bills in my pocket. How do I go about explaining my life, tired of not turning a bill for my labours, yea the artistic life, it is like it is all for nothing put stocking pileing art. At least I am not like western Canada under heavy rains and mud slides loosing everything. I turned over a deal for my carpenter's belt, like my associate said, you do not get them like that anymore, and the piece of equipement is hardly used, just needs on replacement rivit in the leather work for the hammer hook on one side. I got a guy lined up too for buying some sockets etc, he works on trains keeping people and goods transported on the steel rail I guess, according to our limited conversation. A fortune in tools I could never get me to make money, may the next man that uses them to raise a child to work the forge of material science like I always did. Time for my nappy poo for the evening, it has been a long day picking up the pieces of my life!!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Here I Am At Home Finally Discharged From The Hospital, Trying To Figure Out How To Pick Up The Pieces Of My Life
Here I am no better off than when I went into hospital. My place is to small for all my stuff and I am left kind of heart broken. Like my Parole Officer said, I should never have been arrested for harrassment. C'est la vie, having no one to turn to. Psychiatrist say I am delusional and hallucinate radio and TV.  I only have my Mum to converse with now that I am out of hospital, and she keeps reminding me that she is getting older and will not be around for ever. Grant you I am still part of the hospital program on certain days of the week, but I have no one to turn to in between times. It is like I am growing old alone, all I have is my TV for the News, the radio for music and my partly sabotaged computer. It is like I want to fall in love with someone and start my life over somewhere. I can not even have my beer any more due to the medication, all I really know is shattered dreams and it hurts. I do not really know what to write at this point..... I will let it ride for a bit until I collect my thoughts and figure out what to write. Here I am back writing, really I am turning the big 50 in two months, I will be getting the camera up the butt in colonscopy on my birthday, it is like happy birthday and here you get reamed out! The image in this posting is a piece of art I did in hospital while asking myself what is it all for? Now that I am all depressed about my life, the Psychiatrist will probally prescribe more pills or do something like putting me back in hospital. Update: Monday June 14th 2010, So here I am getting the feet under me again picking up the pieces of my life after being in hospital for close to four months, I am just making a little note on how I am controling depression from setting in. I am sorting through my stuff and throwing out a lot of things I do not use any more and making more room in my apartment. It is surprizing how I can safe stuff and it creates clutter, it is like I got room to to take in some stuff I have inherited from my Father's passing away, this task I have taken upon myself is keeping my mind busy and I am not proned to feeling depressed. I got the hospital group tomorrow, appairently we are going out to lunch together for an outing, will write more later.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Did Some Work For Mum On This Weekend Pass From Hospital, Then Some Work at home!
I fixed up one of Mum's air conditioners and cleaned up her balcony with a scrub brush, all the winter car exhaust and dirt got lifted, along with her patio door track cleaned, repaired her summer screen and put a filter on the out side suction to the air conditioner, it was good to work for Mum, I also got her sewing machine going, it was Mum that sewed the filter material around the spring loaded coat hanger clip I made. Then I started the long haul of picking up the pieces around my place......till later....I am getting out of hospital on Thursday and will still be part of the hospital program for a bit. I got to get my tools working  some to get out of poverty and get a bigger place or a locker where I live. My art alone has built up and I have no room for it all. It will cost me $170 a month more for a 3 1/2 apartment instead of my present 2 1/2, I do not know what to do at this point.