Follow by Email

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Trying To Harmonize With The Doctor's Desire For Higher Medication Levels
On December 23rd I saw my Doctor to discuss medication levels and enduring side effects . After I had worked up to 5mg of haldol, I went through torturing side effects with muscle contractions and involuntary mouth movements. Prior to the December 23rd appointment the Doctor reduced me to 4.5mg to try and easy the side effects. I take 5mg of procyclidine in the morning and in the evening when I take my haldol. Constipation with the haldol also occurs so I take 100mg docusate in the evening. It helps my regularity in the morning but the procyclidine blurrs my vision so I have to use reading glasses from the Dollar Store or Pharmacy. During the time period that I was on 4.5mg the muscle contractions were so server at one point that I could not go to work when I was supposed to. I had called the nurse on the phone to discuss my intention of lowering the medication my self if I could not get a hold of the Doctor about my situation. The Doctor was not available at the clinic the Tuesday before my appointment on the 23rd with him. The nurse could not comment, do, or say any thing about my situation. She did say that she was glad that I informed her of my intention to reduce the medication due to the side effects. So I was left on my own to consinplate my fate with my girl friend of common law. By evening time when it came to take my medication it was my own decision to cut the medication down to 3mg. I was seeing the Doctor again on the 23rd of December, and I had done well before self medication at 2mg per day of haldol with no other medication required. When I did meet with the Doctor and told him that I cut my self to 3mg we discussed the situation, the Doctor insisted that I try 3.25mg of haldol and wrote a prescription as such. He did say that if I felt adverse effects taking the 3.25mg just to cut the .25mg. It is like splitting hairs and I left the Doctor's office of wondering what I was going to do with my prescription and left thinking about my fate again. Here I was trying to get away from the bad side effects of the injection that I am facing on the pills now, compared to six years back. After talking it over with the love of my life while playing my guitar. I figured that I did not want to loose the gained muscle flexibility that I got on the 3mg, so I just stayed at the 3mg level with the side effect medication. I still have bad muscle contractions some times but usually it is more tolerable compared to any thing I have under gone in the last two years on the court ordered injections. So right now I am hanging tight until I see the Doctor again in the new year. I am trying to get my motivation back from being srewed up on the injections. I do not sleep as much and more prone to doing things instead of wasting my life on constant muscle contraction. I got into the mode of being idol while on the injections but I am trying to keep my self more active with my interests and hobbies while I am preparing to look for more work in my field in the new year. It makes it a whole lot easier with my understanding girl friend loving me and going through it together as we work to make our lives better with our situation.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Soon To Recieve Minimal Maintenance Dose of Medication
I never bounced around trying different medications, instead I stuck to haldol and worked at living a normal life with slowly cutting the amount of haldol that I consumed. The reason I choise to take haldol was the price of the drug while I was working as an electromechanic or building techincian. Most of the time I was self medicating at lower dosages than my Doctor prescribed. During this time period that I was working on lowering my medication, I was either looking for work or working, while going to school at night further developing my theoritcal skills. My social life revolved around what would be considered interacting with normal every day people, such as old friends from my youth. I all so read a lot of different books between the occult and science and engineering. It helped keep my mind in tune with some thing while growing through my manhood with the influence of my visual apparitions/hallucinations. As one Doctor put it to me, I liked playing with my hallucinations, indeed I did watch and study them as they evolved into my life. Over the years I developed a repore with my subject matter that lead to my diagnoses of a person with schizophrenia. As I put together cohesive thoughts around my visions and such, I was able to cope on lower medication levels. I remember my first time coming out of hospital here in Montreal, I was a walking zombie with drools running of my lip. The medication only plays a small part of the treatment for people that go into delusion from apparitions/hallucinations. I had no counciling on how to deal with the subject matter that gave me my diagnoses, I crawled my own rocky road undercutting the Doctor's perscribtion while trying to be a normal person like my peers in my limited social life. It was like I never could mix well with other out patients and I was never quite a normal person while always speaking freely about my schizophrenia issues. I got known for telling " Tales from the Crypt"over a beer, speaking about the subject matter of my apparitons/ hallucinations gave me insight by getting feed back on what other people thought about the subject matter which made me a person with schizophrenia. Since I have been talking to the nurse at the out patient clinic I got over my anger about being placed on court ordered injections. With this in hand and the team reviewing my blog, the go ahead is there to reduce my medication levels to my self medication level when I was working and met my girl friend. At this time I was taking 2mg of haldol and not having to take any side effect medication. My head was clear and nobody would know that I took medication, while still seeing things that others could not. It is like living in two worlds at once, the world of every day life and the world of mystrey surrounding my apparitions/hallucinations. They were never really a handy cap to me , only when they lead me into Shaman antics and people noticed a difference in me which would lead to hospitalization. All the same I found it a wonderful world of discovery that made me the strong character that I am, while giving me material to write about and paint what I have seen in the form of apparitions/hallucinations. I have had a good life and would not trade it for much, living with the diagnoses was not all that bad and I now enjoy writing about it to give hope to others that there is a positive light to carrying the schizophrenia diagnoses.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Radio Waves from Where?
It was back in 1996, while living alone, that I experienced more strange events relating to apparitions/hallucinations. I had medical complications with trying to take medication and doing continental shift work in a boiler room watch keeping. We were burning rip which is the name for waste wood from a wood processing plant, between lithium withdrawls and alleges to the exotic woods we were burning, I went through a hard time and lost my job. I was able to get unemployment insurance on the medical benefits at the time. Some times idol hands are deadly hands when not having much of a social structure. My Shaman ways were soon to come in to my life. It was one day while sitting on my sofa that my right ear drum started vibrating. The vibration became so intense with out me feeling any pain in my ear. Then I heard a voice of a man speaking like on a CB radio or other voice transmitting device, he was saying "come in, come in, can you read me". After hearing that twice as I recall, the vibration in my ear slowly died out and my ear returned to normal. I was left mesmerized over the event with no one really to talk about it with. If I told my psychiatrist about it I always felt that the medication would be increased when I spoke of my apparitions/hallucinations. I have never really discussed my experiences with the Doctor that treated me at this time in my life, and not having any real close friends at the time to share the experience with, I was left to go into my own mind and sometimes draw the wrong conclusion at the time. I have heard of fillings in your teeth that sometimes can pick up a radio frequency, but not a vibrating ear. I just chaulk it up as another strange occurrence in my life that leaves me thinking of the endly possibilities if we could actual communicate like I described.