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Monday, October 18, 2004

The Metaphysical Crow
This event goes back some twenty years now, all most the same time of year as now. I had resigned from my position on the oil rig that I was working on due to metaphysical forces at work around me influencing my life. It was ironic because when I resigned we were drilling the well Hibernia, which had previously hosted the then sunk Canadian rig Ocean Ranger. We were the first oil rig to go over the well head and carried on drilling. It was like we disturbed the grave or something and I was sensitive to it. When I resigned I went back to my apartment and it was like I brought back some thing from the grave with me. A couple of strange things happened at this time, but here goes my metaphysical crow story.
I was sitting in the living room of my apartment which had a small kitchen in the same room as the living room. The stairs came up at the back of the apartment with two rooms at the front facing the street. There were two doors in the living room which were facing me when I was sitting on my couch. I usually kept the junk room door closed. It was the door closest to me when I was sitting on the couch when a large crow seemed to fly out of the wall to the right of the closed door. As it flew in the room it first knocked my Coast Guard badge off my book shelve, then rattled off the stained glass lamps hanging from the ceiling before flying into the bedroom and perching on the curtain rod. With it perched in one spot I could see what had scared the shit out of me! The crow had a worm dangling from its beak, the whole affair was nerve rattling, I saw the black shape come out of the wall! I went to the window to the back of the apartment at the top of the stairs and watched the bird on curtain rod in my bed room as I open the back window for the crow. Just as I got the window open the crow swayed pass me in flight and out side to speard its wings in the open air. At the same time the neighbors from down stairs came to see what all the banging was, the crow made that much noise banging off the ceiling lamps. No one really believed my explanation I do not think, it lead me into further isolation before my first psychiatric hospitalization. I took this experience to mean something, an interpretation or something. I lead my self to believe that it was a metaphysical warning that some thing was out to ill fate Canada in a way that I could not explain. Here I was in the North Atlantic in St.John's Newfoundland during the cold war with metaphysical warnings of some kind. It still freaks me out thinking about it now.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Vision or hallucination Over Brother Andre's Crypt
This event is lost in time in my memory, I call it my searching years discovering my self with carrying the shizophrenia diagnoses. I believed it was 1990 or so I am not sure. I always found a closeness and peacefulness at the Oratoire St- Joeph Du Mont-Royal in Montreal Quebec. It was here a vision occurred on one particular day consisted of a fluttering angel with a wand fighting off this big ugly monsters hand. This illumination of forces above Brother Andre's crypt guiding me. It is funny how latter in life that I met up with Caroline and how she always seemed to be fighting the devil in her life, it has not been easy one for my little Lady to survive, it is like now I understand the vision more now than when I saw it. But even at this time I believed that there was some one special for me so that I would not have to search for true love for ever. I always amitted to my self that if there was anything to the psychic that it would make things very difficult at first in the relationship. At first people taround us felt that Caroline could do better than having the schizophrenic in her life. We battled through a lot during the start of the relationship, but eventual our love followed suit and we stuck out a lot of hard times while I was difining my self to Caroline as a shizophrenic/Shaman. Over all she is like a little fighting angel that deserves the world for what she had to persevere in life in general. In my heart I know I am with my soul mate taking on the big ugly monster's hand from society, fighting for my Shaman rights in a psychiatric world of science and the brain .

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Getting Out of the Red
My girl friend and I are making head way out of our poverty stricken state. I received my disability pension so I am able to provide for my family setting in some way. It has been a long time since I had any money in my pocket. It was tough for the three of us but we made it this far as I thrive to re-enter the work force. So I thought I would make this entry. The medication has been changed to the injection once a week in stead of every two, so that it peak in my body with the side effects is not too severe. It seem like with the build up of medication in my body I am feeling the side effects more. I have really gone through hell with the side effects the last couple of injections, hopefully I can get weened of them and get back on pills. For now I just have to wait and see.